Talking about growing older................ do you know that I've noticed some things I've never heard another senior citizen say? Such as..... I've faithfully watched as the years go by... myself.... yes, myself to see if somehow I was going to become another person and forget everything I've ever known and if I was going to not know or remember all the things I loved. I have discovered that I still love life with a passion and though I look older (and who wouldn't after all the battles I have endured and survived?).... I still like pretty things and happy colors and I am still the same person I know, though more mature and more wiser.
I notice in the mirror and on other people's faces 'my age now' ..... we all have a 'tired' look on our faces and in our eyes. I look at people 'older' and somehow the tiredness has gone and there's a gentle, soft look on their faces and in their eyes... peaceful? I am left wondering now..... what age does that tired look leave and the relaxed, peaceful look appears on one's face? I want it .... now. :))))))) I'm tired of being tired-looking.
'Tired of being tired'....... just reminded me of my brother Rick-Rick. He used to say that when he was living. His life was full of turmoil and it hurts me to think of him. No matter what... I loved him with my very heart... he was my brother and he loved me just as much. I was always closest to him and we understood each other. I love my two brothers that are living though, their lives have gone different directions.
Anyway.... sometimes I feel so good inside and even pretty again.... I go to seek reassurance in my mirror that 'I'm still here!' and what do I see? An older, middle-aged woman looking back at me with a tired face and tired eyes..... no matter how much I smile or be silly in the mirror.... I see an older, middle-aged woman looking back at me with a silly expression like 'I'm trying, I'm really trying to look half-way young again'. What I do like is.... I still see a fun expression, a twinkle in the eyes... even though they are tired.... they are strong. :))))))))))))))) It's like me trying to sing.....
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)