Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
My Cousin... Edward Lee
I just read on Facebook that today is the 20th anniversary of my cousin, Edward Lee, being gone. My memories of Edward Lee are all good memories and when I look 'inside' to 'see' him... I see a handsome young man with a smile on his face and eyes twinkling. He was a fun-loving person. I loved him and Jeff and Karen, his brother and sister, so very much when we were little. I would make them laugh by being just really so silly that it's embarassing to think about now. For a time our mothers and us..lived in an apartment together. I remember the banana sandwiches and bologna sandwiches and kool-aide they used to fix us for lunch. Aunt Frankie was my most favorite aunt, she was their mother. I'll gradually write about her and each person in time. She was always so soft-spoken and she always cared... she would be the 'quiet voice' telling me everything was going to be alright in the turmoil-filled world I lived in as a child. She would say 'Faye, one day you're going to be all grown up and you won't have to have any mess' in your life. I feel tears in my eyes thinking about her, I always loved her so much. The night Edward Lee came into the Emergency Room where I'd transferred to in the hospital from Communications to work.... it was the one night I was off. I was so hurt that I wasn't there and I remember Frankie telling me that she told the security guard, George, that she was my aunt. He got her coffee and make things some better... as good as could be when a mother is losing her son. Now, I know all her grief and pain of a mother losing her son as I lost Tommy. All through time I saw her grief... I really felt for her.... but, do you know? You can 'feel' for people when they lose someone so loved and so dear to them.......... but, you never can feel as much as you feel 'when you've lost your loved and dear person'.... only then, do you understand the pain and the heartache. Only then, do you know the path they were walking on in life... one truly has to be on that terrible path to know how it feels... it's a path that's hard to find one's way for the darkness and the numbness... in my situation.... I'm lucky I found the way to get on the path of recovering and being able to cope. She did the same.... I wish I could talk to her now and tell her 'I know'... but, she is gone, also. I can't believe all the people almost... that I truly loved as a child ... are gone now. Sometimes I feel like crying but, I'm... afraid I wouldn't be able to stop and I would just drown in my own tears. Edward Lee, you were a dear person and I liked, loved and respected you very much. I remember your wonderful herb garden and wind chimes... things I love dearly. You were such an interesting person and of course, I always loved interesting people. I send my love to heaven to you ..... and to my Aunt Frankie. I always send my love to my son, Tommy, and all my loved ones. I have lost over 20 people on both my father and mother's sides.. and they were the very people who meant the world to me, even mean Jeanette.