I have 2 brothers who are special to me though ..we never see each other. Life's paths take us all in different directions... there's only a few miles between us but, it's more like there's 500 miles. My other brother ... there are hundreds of miles for-real between us. I didn't get to grow up with Ricky and David, nor Wm Ernest, nor Teresa... and I was the oldest. My sister, there is 100 or so miles between us. She is special to me, too.
Ricky and David grew up together seeing me when I'd come from the mountains where I lived to visit them. Wm Ernest and Teresa... sadly didn't grow up seeing me nor I seeing them. Do you see what I mean there are so many sad memories in my life? There are happy ones.... but, the sad ones are what made me strong and able to cope with life when I became older.... because there were so, so, so many of them. A person can only become stronger or... not survive it all.
David was like me so much as a young person. He was a perfectionist and he had to dress just right and he was bright and played basketball. He was going to go to gymnast school... he was amazing at the things he did with his body. He could dance like fluid in motion.... he could have been on any of the reality dancing shows we see now and he would have been in the top ...if not the winner.
Life was hard for David, also, and I cared so much. I love you, David. Your sister loves you more than you will ever know in this life. I really don't know how to tell you and Wm Ernest and Teresa that.... we were never taught to say 'I love you' or really to hear 'I love you'. I'll rephrase that.... I was never taught that. If one day one of you are reading this... know that your big sister loves you and remembers each of you in different ways at different stages of my life. Each of you were always important to me though... how could I have been important to you.... some of you knew me and then, didn't know me. I love you, David. I love you, Teresa. I love you, Wm Ernest. You all three are
precious to me in your own ways. I loved my brother, Rick-Rick, too... he knew that for sure. When he died, Skip and I were helping him so much... trying to help save him.
Wm Ernest, if there was some way you could see in my mind through my growing up years... you'd see how losing my little brother tormented me and thereafter... losing Teresa. If you both could just see and listen to my thoughts and how I cried for you both as a child... you'd never have any doubt that your big sister loved you.
Our life took us on different paths so early... when normally children get to grow up and choose the paths they will travel. We traveled on some very rocky roads. Ricky never made it this far... his path
ended abruptly. The rest of us are still traveling in life and I so wish with my very heart that the paths for each of us will be easy and so special and happy and long, the rest of our lives. We've each lived with such pain in our hearts.
I was just thinking about my brothers and sister this morning.................................................................
I wish I had a magic wand and the power to use it..... I would make life perfect for all of us. :))))))))))
I love you all.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)