I once saw a man some years ago that I hadn't seen since I was the little girl who took the bottle of aspirins.... and ran away from 'home' afterwards. Something that I never told anyone almost happened to me and I may have never been found but, somehow... something about me or what I said ...protected me. I saw this man as an adult and he saw me as an adult and we were in a restaurant.... and I could sense his eyes coming back to me studying me to see 'if' I was that little girl that ran away years ago.. and the little girl he picked up. I know he knew it was me.... I could have been ugly to him or I could have even ruined his life in front of his family sitting there. I chose not to.... but, I did smile gently at him... in forgiveness. I never looked at him again and heard later that he died. I was glad I silently forgave him in that smile because.... I was so fortunate to have lived.
He was the husband of someone my mother knew at that time... his name was....... I never knew his real name but... I think I may have then.... I just don't want to remember it now. I can't. I would never cause grief for a family if they recognized the name. I'm really lucky I was found alive and as I've gotten this old..... I have seen many times what happens to little missing girls when they go missing.
I got to come back when most young girls are raped and found dead somewhere. I was almost raped but, something that man 'saw' in me ..... stopped him and he let me get out of the car. He only hurt me... alittle....
I feel that shaky feeling inside .... and I really feel like crying.. just alittle. I don't know 'why'... but, I do. It's time to shut the door on this memory.
He knew I could recognize him because ever so often 'then'.... I saw him around. But... he let me get out and walk away ...knowing what he almost did and what he did do. This was a black color in my life... I don't like dark colors, I really don't. I associate them with such pain and grief. The door closes on this... now.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)