This morning I was answering my best friend's email and this is what I wrote to her... it just felt right to share it with all. Again.... my feelings and my opinions... I have many, many of... each.
Hi Ms Nancy, and 'now' ......Everyone Who Is Reading!
I just published on my blog about Christmas Trees and Mirrors...Magical and Glowing! I began writing that day before yesterday 'while' I was writing my other things yesterday. Some stories that are
'deep-deep' require more thought. My life has been very complicated and complex, intricate with many details that 'I' ..only know... never staying the same and so much blocked, so much remembered..
so much to say. I'm like a dam ...there's a little
crack in it for the water to begin to flow!
It just hasn't got started yet....... I'm looking forward because I may learn something ... myself. I know 'that dam' is going to open wider and I'm ready and I
will ride those wonderful currents of fast-moving water to wherever it may flow! I want to ride as far as I can in my mind pulling out the stories which are the very colors of my life and share them. Not
everyone will like what I write... but, there will always people who have went through alot like I've went through in my life. They are the ones who will relate to what I have to say and what I have learned
and maybe it can help them learn or know someone else has been through it, too.
Then... there are the others who will shake their heads and say 'I can't imagine!' Imagine that.. I never thought of such a thing! I've only read that in a story! I am a 'walking story' that never ends.. until..
the day I die!
Then.. there..are ..the ones who sit back
and do their favorite thing.. they'll rear back in their chair... to judge me! I say 'judge me.. you can only understand ONLY if you've 'walked in my shoes'... I promise that you wouldn't ...'if' it had been you'....
experiencing what I have in my life... feeling what 'I have felt' in my life. The difference is.. between you and I... I'm going to write about how it feels and I'm going to paint it in my colors and I'm going to
share it. I know some people will loveeeee----eeeeeee to judge me... if that makes them happy... so, be it. Do you know 'why'? Because ... I know you are no more 'perfect' than I am... and I bet ..you've
never 'tried to be perfect'... I at least 'tried,' and alas.......... I couldn't be! So judge ME... it doesn't matter... I'm finally ...old enough to keep going my way..and I know how to get back up when... someone
pushes me down........I've practiced all these years to get to this moment. Push me down... I'll get up and dust my pants off... and I'll stand and...hold my ground. I have enough life and strength in me 'now'..
to fuel me for the rest of my life. Besides.... you are some of my 'favorite' people'! I like to make you give 'thought' to me...to judge and to 'wonder'...... because ..you are interested in seeing what else I'm going to give you to judge! I'll will give plenty so, don't worry......... just keep reading and who knows... we might become ...friends. Good friends. No one ever has ..enough 'real' friends... and like you........I always want and welcome...more.
I'm going to write and enjoy it... I'm writing 'for me' and sometimes Skip will say 'you
know so-and-so is going to read this and they may read that word you wrote' or some-such thing I've written.... I stop and look at him and tell him 'I'm not writing with them in mind...I'm writing what I feel
and it's like I paint and draw...it's with total abandonment and even I..........don't always know what I'll write... I see ..just as everyone else sees.. when I finish. I've always loved to learn so, it's fun for me
to look at, too.
I'm not here at my computer always
to get 'lost' typing in that special world I've learned... I love! That's writing..I always wanted to and never thought about trying it myself... now, it
'feels' right. At least here... anything I write or think... won't be wasted thoughts... they can be 'important' and ..I can be remembered hopefully for the for-real good person I am and I've become...
though at the same time... I'm not perfect and I do say... cuss words sometimes, think ugly thoughts sometimes, feel angry sometimes, and just all kind of things... I'm just not perfect..at all.
But........I'm still a good person and 'if'
one catches me doing any of those things....... they can surely think... that's life making her do that...... she's 'really a good person, I know'!
Do you know what? Nancy, I am going to put this email I
wrote to you on my blog... and it can be written to you and... everyone. It seems sometimes I say my 'most important and best things'....... to Skip or.....to you! See how important you are .. my friend!
Knowing you... you are like me in alot of
ways.....you wouldn't mind! It shows also, how special you are 'in my world'... my friend.
Later, I will write about 'Friends' ...in my own way.. it'll be about good friends, best friends, public friends, private
friends, everyday friends..... many kinds of friends...
I do want to write the story of 'One Armed Woman' who used to be a friend of mine..many years ago... you'd be surprised at what those 'one-armed'
women can do!
Anyway.... it feels like for the moment I've been in a soft, glowing cave where the fireplace burned brightly and casts its warmth out to me.. while I was lost in 'that special place'...
now, I'm out of it..like coming inside from the bright sunshine......... my eyes are adjusting to 'now', ha! Nancy, that is the only way I can describe it! You know me... I'm always trying to 'describe my feelings'
only to describe the same feelings always..in a different way! That's because 'where in my mind'... I walk around something... my feelings are constantly changing and my eyes are always 'seeing' new things. I
don't 'see' just one thing... I see many.
In my world 'at the moment'.... Skip just came into the dining room and my attention has shifted to 'him'... after all he is the focus and center of...my entire world... him and our Pups! Happy day, Ms Nancy!
Love, Gloria I love you, my friend.