That house is one of the portals to hell... I just know that. So much grief and unhappiness has been inside the walls of that house spreading from the inside through the front door into the yard. I have been thinking about it all evening and I feel that familiar shaky feeling inside my stomach.
Not too long ago, Skip and I stopped at it when we saw a man there. I wanted to see if I could look in there as it is a rental house now. The man was working and said I couldn't go in because he'd get into trouble with the owner. I understood that but, I did get to stand at the front door.... looking in.
I felt so sick inside...... we had entertained the idea of 'maybe' renting it.... but, no longer. I just felt I could die there. That house isn't meant for me to live in it. It's an attractive house now, as it's been remodeled but, something just didn't look right inside. I've tried to put my finger on it as I study it in my mind.... I see how the wall is there on the left opening into 'The Arena'... Grandma Alma and George's sitting room... I'm looking across the living room where I'm standing at the door.
At this very moment as I write... it disturbs me. This is the second house in my life that I know inside isn't meant for me to live in.... and I know if I were forced inside ...it would be the end of me.
The second house was beautiful when we looked at it and it was perfect for us as we looked in each room and I walked off from everyone to investigate on my own.... I loved that house.... until I came to the last room on that house....
I stood outside the door amazed that it was an old room that maybe the house had been adjoined to... it was old-timey and wonderful! I went in and no sooner than I'd gotten to the middle of it... I was so afraid and I had to get out of there. I had cold chills and I hurried to Skip and Tommy and his girlfriend at that time. I whispered to Skip about that room and how it made me so afraid. I asked him to come back there to look at it... I didn't think I'd feel like that if they all were with me.
I was wrong.... they could go in as I watched them and they.... never felt a thing. I did try to go in and had to come right back out the door.... I was okay at the door but, not inside the room. I wanted to go in there so badly because I love old things and looking at the structure of old houses and looking at the old-time fireplaces and if there are any old books on the floor like I saw there... I wanted to hold and touch them and read them. I couldn't even stay in that room to do that.
Strangely enough... that room bothered me for several days after that. I told Skip that I couldn't live there because I would be so afraid... especially on the days I was by myself.. or nights.
The house was 'perfect' for us and the grounds were wonderful. I could tell someone loved the really beautiful old-fashioned flowers my Grandma Alma loved and there were already attractive flower gardens there.... but, that old, beautiful room made me so afraid.
I have seen many strange things in my life and if I hadn't... I wouldn't believe what I saw or felt. I will write about them in time.
I can't believe I entertained the idea of even moving to my Grandma Alma's and George's house... they can make it look pretty all they want to..... it's like beautiful people.... if they are 'bad' inside... prettying them up isn't going to change a thing... but, it will disguise them. They are still 'bad'.
Through the years I've kept up with what went on with people in that house as it changed hands and became rental property. Alot of bad things have happened there and one woman hung herself in the room where the ball lightening used to come rolling out of into the living room where I'd be cowering on the couch under Grandma's old quilt. I can't even describe the fear it made me feel. It would roll toward me so slowly and... disappear! It happened everytime there was a storm.
Yes, that house makes me physically sick as did that beautiful old room in the other house we looked at. I can't understand it.... it's so strange. Whenever I speak of it I feel inside some of what I actually felt while there. Isn't it amazing? I wonder how many people have experienced this? I would love to hear from you... maybe it'd help me to understand 'why' I had such reactions.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)