JUDGING A BOOK (PERSON) BY ITS COVER...
January 17, 2012... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates
Lately I've been thinking about the old saying 'don't judge a book by its cover'. I think I've made references to that in recent writings.
I was thinking about 'things I've heard about 'other' people' and how my impressions about them were/ was 'bad'.
Well... I know that 'others' have probably had the 'wrong impression' of me.... too! I never think of any one thing without... turning it 'around and around' in my mind... I look at it from... all angles.
Through time, I keep looking at new and old alike... things in my mind 'turning it around and around'.. studying it. I connect the dots... if you've been following my blog... you know I love dots. I love connecting them, I love dots of color... I love 'round'.
I was thinking of something someone told me many years ago... she is dead now. I remember her sitting near me talking about people in general. She was telling me about different people she knew personally, and one stands out in my mind... I know and feel she misjudged some of the people 'she thought she knew so much about'.
Have you ever seen or met someone who for whatever reason they have in their minds... be it jealousy, anger, hate, dislike... will say bad things about someone that they've made up or... even convinced themselves to be true... about others?
They do it for various reasons.... either they don't want you to like that person, or make others think of them as the better person, or they want to set out and ruin them.
I have been wondering 'why' this particular person (of course, I couldn't ask her now).... would have said such things about someone that I know. All these years I never saw the first 'sign' of them being like she told me, nor have I heard anything bad about them.
I wonder 'what her reasoning was to destroy that person in 'my' mind?' I was thinking maybe at that particular time... she liked me and didn't want me to like anyone... but, her.
Even to her death... she never told me any differently about the one person I wondered about in particular.
Through the years I've seen this person work extra-hard to care for their family and sacrifice getting out to enjoy life as a young person. I've watched from afar ... this person matured into a very responsible adult. I won't even say what I was told... it's unimportant at this time and date.
What's important is ... being careful about forming impressions in our minds .. and never 'turning them around and around' to study them. We may see that we've thought 'wrong' ... all along isn't 'right'.
For example, and I'll use me... so, as not talk about someone else. Say at this time someone just meets me....
When they walk away they will have the same impression I have ... by 'just looking' at myself in the mirror (my mirror doesn't like me at present... if it ever does again... I will be glad to tell you).
Say you just met me... you would probably see this woman who looks like she has been whipped up by ... life. She has let her hair go, her eyes look weak (where is the spark and life one used to see in them?).
She has become overweight and ... one would think she doesn't care anymore how she looks... she's very clean in dress, one knows she is very clean in body, and probably pretty-much clean in the way she thinks.
One sees she has a heart .. just look in her eyes. Listen to what she says and really .. hear. Look at how 'old' she looks 'now'. She just wants to be alone in her pain, her world and she's so private. There's a wall... it does have a door to it... but, it's almost always... locked.. locked good.
Now... one would think... I could like this woman but... how can I know her.. she's so private. How can I be friends with her if I like her.. she's so private.
I wonder if I'd like her at all... just looking at her... she looks to be ...'nobody'..... nope, nobody at all. She's just a woman who looks like she's become old and doesn't care about anything. Yep! That's what I see when I look at her.
No reason here to like her... I won't give her a chance to stand out to me. I'm gone on with my life now... I don't look back at her until.......... later... to realize how terribly wrong I was to misjudge her. She is somebody... why, she's a good person, would make the best of friends, why, she's honest and 'real'. Wow!
Look at all the time I wasted, all the ugly things I've said through time about her... believing what I said when I... really didn't know better. All was based on what other people 'said' but, never 'knew for a fact'. Therefore, I believed each time I said something ugly about her...was true.
Why this woman is completely opposite of what I'd believed and thought! I was really innocent when I thought such things.... afterall... someone else told me these things to be true.. so, I wouldn't waste my time with 'that woman'... she's nobody, anyway. She's just an old witch, she looks a witch, and wait a minute..... am I looking past that ...exterior?
That old witch that looks like a witch........ wait a minute... let me 'listen for a moment'................wait.... wait now... oh my God... I have misjudged her!
This is somebody who is real! She really cares about others... oh, look into her tired and grieving eyes! Look at how tears come in them to show her inner feelings!
Listen to her words... one knows 'now'... that what they mistakened for 'standoffishness'... is her way of not being close enough to anyone ... to hurt her again.
This woman has become very private in her life to not have to feel pain. She's fragile... but, look .. she is very strong. I think she has suffered so much more than she lets people know... she doesn't ever complain... she learns from her mistakes and knows if she does wrong.. she alone... has to learn to do better, no one else can do it for her.
Wait... this woman who is nobody... is somebody. Maybe not famous, not rich or beautiful anymore... why this woman is a real person. Of course, in this day and time.... 'real' people don't matter.
Real people don't matter until ....you, as a person... have been knocked around and whipped up by life... then, only then, will you appreciate a 'good and real' person. You will recognize them when you meet them.. you will see in their eyes and 'know' them.
While you are flying.............. (she did that once and flew so high that she soared like an eagle... oh, how wonderful life was! How beautiful the clouds were and the sky was... she didn't pay any attention to the 'real people down there'.. why would she ... she was up this high and could only... think of herself!)......... so, while you are flying 'high'... if you could just know to pay attention to real people below, and not be focused so much on 'self'............ you wouldn't have to fall hard if you ever ran into trouble, a hard storm in life.
'She fell hard'..... she was so in love with herself and focused only on herself.. the world was about her'. Why she'd become so 'perfect' and so beautiful.... she did this because no one cared about her, she knew she was different and people hated her for it, she was a good person and she only had .... herself to ..love her. People loved and admired her when she was so ... beautiful and..they thought she was... someone.
She forgot something along her way.... 'real people'... who honestly cared about her. She couldn't see them for the blinding light around her love for herself. Sure.. the 'real people' were only a few... but, they were solid, strong people who cared ...even when she forgot them.
They were there, when she fell from so high in the sky when she met up with a terrible storm in life. She knew she didn't deserve those real people because she never treasured them as she should.... but, thank-God they were there for her. She needed them... all she had now.. was the broken wings on her back.
Now... this woman who was broken has been loved dearly by another 'real person' that she treasures and holds most dear in her heart. She has Pups who thinks she is somebody, too. She has so much love around her, and she holds all of this as special and... private.
You don't see this when you meet this woman... she looks to be nobody, she's let go of herself... why she looks to be whipped up by life... just look at her.
She's nobody.... nobody at all. I wouldn't look at her twice. I'm sure there's nothing of interest... here. If she were a book... I wouldn't even bother to 'read her'... but, wait a minute.............
I see her turning ...the ... pages of her....... life. I see ..her colors in life... could it be.. that I have made a .... mistake. Could this uninteresting and drab-looking 'old' woman.... dare be interesting?
I think I will help to turn the pages of her life... I think she may be 'real'... she could be... somebody. She could be my friend, family and be there all the time... from afar. She loves best from a distance... it's just her way.
She's learned to be private, you know, she doesn't impose on others' lives and doesn't get out and about ..with them. But... the love and caring she has in her heart... who wouldn't want to be loved and cared about like that... even from .. a......... distance?
I used myself to carry what I wrote to this moment..... you all know I have spoken about 'myself'.... most of you went through a terrible storm in my life with me.
Not 'just a terrible storm'....... but, the 'worst storm of my life'... you saw and witnessed it... while I wasn't aware alot of times when I 'wrote' to you, my pain reflected in my words. I can only look back and all is like a terrible dream...now.
On my path of darkness came sunshine to light my way again.. and I'm still walking toward that sunshine. I still sometimes fall along the path's edge and I weep, and I cry, and I just sob my very heart out... but,
I get back up each time, dust my pants off, and I begin walking forward again. I never give up... I'm a fighter and I.... aim to win.
I lost my son, Tommy... and I think what he would say if he knew I was writing now... 'Mama, keep on writing, don't give up... everything's going to be alright... I don't want you to be sad but, if you have to be.. be sad and at the same time, go forward... everything's going to be alright'. Knowing my beautiful, handsome and golden son with his sunshine smile.... I know he would say this very thing to me, his mom.
I'm sorry now... I feel the need to cry, but... everything's going to be alright.
When you judge my book 'me'....... know that what you see with your eyes isn't 'what is really there'... that goes for everyone you see. I can tell you from experience...there's so much more there than meets the eye.
The only problem is... sometimes it takes more time to slow down and really see.... life is so fast-paced now, we don't have the time or even the patience to 'really see'.
But... saying if you do slow down to 'really see' someone.... not me, I'm nobody :)))))..... look at someone in your life that you've ignored thinking they hold nothing of interest......
Try turning a few pages of their book of life... you may see the most wonderul, interesting story that you ever could imagine!
Don't judge a book by its cover!
You may find a diamond in the rough! I have many times since I've learned this lesson in life........ that's why if one were to look and see... people I love and care about ...may look strange or different ...or like 'nobody'..... I looked at their covers and thought the same thing... but, the difference is... that I 'knew' to ........... turn those pages!!! I was richer for it! I have met the most interesting, fun, happy people who ....didn't look the part! Special!
Just turn the pages of life, don't stop at judging a book by its cover. That's where the spice of life is at.... colors of a person's life.
I know... sometimes the colors of someone's life might be 'bad'... we do honestly have to keep going to be safe and not be harmed. That's the worst spice in life. It's sad but, it's a fact of life. Everyone isn't as good as we'd hope them to be. I've met alot of these kind of people in all my years... the best thing to do is... go on your own path toward your good things in life. They are on their own paths, it's better we don't travel at all with them, nor let them travel on our life's path.
I hope my 'Gloria' book isn't judged too harshly.. I hope my pages reflect that I'm a good person who has made many mistakes in life and learned that ... that's how we do become for-real good people... we had to make those mistakes to understand this... and hopefully let others know they can get past their mistakes in life. We are .. human.
I have pages in my book that doesn't reflect the best of colors at times, I think we all do. No one knows some of the pages that reflect such wonderful, special things in my life... I never felt the need to share them. I don't feel the need to have to put all the best forward for others to see..... so, they'd think I'm something I'm not. I don't like anyone to feel disappointed in me thinking I'm something... I'm really not.
I'm going to get ready for the morning now... I have noticed some books lately that... may be fun to read! Looking at them, I wasn't very interested at all.... but, I think I may need... to turn a page or two. I'm excited to see if I can find a treasure, a diamond in the rough.... a........... real person!