I HAVEN'T BEEN 'THERE'... YET
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates aka Granny Gee
I was thinking of going to the ocean to walk on the sand in the moonlight... to the place I haven't been ...yet.
I wonder if I could see the place in the air ... where Tommy left this world? Is it an invisible door... could one feel the door handle if they felt the air?
I wonder if I knocked... would Tommy come to answer it ... just for a moment? Just long enough for me to see his smiling face, his blue-green eyes... and to say 'I love you'....... I miss you, Son.
I wonder when I will 'go there'... would I sit on the sand where I would sense he left at? I know I would weep quietly in my heart, my soul. I just can't forget you, son... you were so real.
I look at my picture of you... it sits on the special chest I have your things in. I wish I could sit down, take all those things out.. to hold, to touch them gently. I just can't... not yet. I wonder when I will be able to?
Would I feel your spirit come to hug me like a gentle breeze... would the moonlight shine on me with your smile... would I hear in the ocean waves the sound of your soft voice saying 'it's going to be alright, mama, nothing can hurt me now'... 'I love you, mama... don't hurt, be at peace in your heart'. I wonder...........
I wonder when I can go... to the place you made your exit from this world? I wonder if I looked up, all around... if I tried very hard to sense ... to feel... would somehow you 'be there'?
I watch Ghost Whisperer, I try to imagine ... I look hard into the air to see if I see you. But... you are not there. Maybe I watch tv too much, or wish too hard..........
I miss you, Tommy. I love you, Son. No... I'm not crazy from grief... I just honestly miss my son, my child... Tommy.
I ... just miss... you, Tommy.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)