I'M GLAD I HAD THAT TIME ... FOR JUST A LITTLE WHILE
BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES aka GRANNY GEE
Faye, come here! Hurry! I heard my mother calling excitedly to me. Hurry! She sounded like she was laughing... what in the world could be so funny?
I ran to my bedroom, my mother was standing there peeping out the curtains. Look! Look at Candy! She's chasing Woody's ass, she has a knife! Mom was laughing hysterically, I began laughing.
It was quite a sight. This big, tall blonde haired woman chasing her little husband... who didn't seem very smart. He had big eyes that seemed to bulge out of his head. He also, seemed very docile, kind. That old Candy was giving him 'hell'! She was always mad about something. She was from California... she was 'different'. Woody was in his white underwear! I'd never seen that before!
We stood there and watched them until they finally went into the house. We waited to see if the amulance came... no, she didn't kill him. She never killed him, she just liked to chase him with a butcher knife. I never understood it. I don't think they even drank....
Some days they liked each other... some days Candy was chasing him all around the house. Everyone saw it... everyone's house was next to their house, our house. We all lived in town.
I hadn't long been at my mother's house. She and my Aunt Ruby had come to Roxboro to bring me back to live at mom's. I loved living with my mother 'here'. We lived in a 'doll' house. I felt safe there.
The 'doll' house was small, neat... inside was so nice and clean. I had my own bedroom... I got to paint it 'electric' pink.... we had to close my bedroom door... it was quite a contrast to my mother's soft lavender-colored bedroom!
I was so happy to find out I could wear my mother's beautiful 'small' clothes! She was so tiny... I'd discovered that ... I was just as tiny... and .... just as pretty! Everyone said so! Mrs. Brown, you have a lovely daughter!
No one didn't know my mother's last name wasn't 'Brown'... like mine. They always made it sound like that song out at the time.... 'Mrs. Brown, you have a lovely daughter'!
For the past couple of years I'd lived at my father's home... I had lost complete 'sight of myself'. I 'couldn't see me'... I could just see a girl in the mirror dressed very nice... I couldn't see any farther than that. I didn't even know what size I was... I didn't know... hey, I'm beautiful, too! How fun that was to find out... the whole time... I didn't know it!
Mental abuse.... what mental abuse can do to a person... especially a very young girl. It blinds their mind, causing them to lose sight of themselves, making them 'feel less than'.... in my case, I knew I was smart.... I just couldn't 'see me' as a person. I was just existing... until I could get away from my father's house.
To this day I learned 'not to ever impose on anyone'... I learned that at my father's house where ... I wasn't wanted. Oh... if you see me anywhere... you can 'know that Granny Gee isn't going to wear her welcome out... she doesn't impose on anyone... ever'. You would wear yours out... first.
There at my mom's ... we laughed, talked. I never saw a 'monster come out'... at this house. My mom would make me lunch every day... I would walk home at lunchtime from school. I remember she made the best navy beans, hush puppies... I've never eaten them through the years since. She would make ice tea.... the best! We were like sisters.
When my mother would look at me... she really saw 'me'. When she talked, she talked to 'me'. She smiled at me, my mother was proud of 'me'! I was so happy that my mother liked me!
I was proud too... she was my beautiful mother... that beautiful smile... she was Elizabeth Taylor's look-alike. My mother was just as beautiful... that's no exaggeration. All you have to do is to ask anyone, or... see old photographs.
I loved making my mom smile... she was so beautiful! She had a sunshine smile that would light up my heart... when she smiled at me. I began to smile more, though I did carry 'a chip on my shoulder' at school.
I was very quiet at school, but.. nice. I meant to 'hold my ground' and never be mistreated again. I carried anger deep inside... I'd had it since being nine years old... especially toward 'women'. It's something I've always had to work through over the many years. I'd been so mistreated by 'women' in my life... that when I was strong enough... I wouldn't allow it .. ever again.
It sure was interesting living at mom's. Something was always going on all around. Candy and Woody were always doing something... I wonder if they knew how they entertained us with their antics? We laughed in a fun way watching them... not in a way to be mean.
For this short time in my young life... I was happy with my mother. Happy times never lasted .... long. I'm glad I had that time... for just a little while.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)