WHEN THE BRIGHT, COLORFUL BIRD LOST HER COLORS... I BEGAN SEEING HER IN BLACK AND WHITE
BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES aka GRANNY GEE
I was working at the hospital, at the time I was working in Communications. I loved my job... I loved paging, handling hundreds of calls, greeting the public. Those were just a few of the things I did on my job there.
I worked alone in our office. There were two older ladies who worked the same job. We all worked at separate times, alone... on different shifts. I worked alot of shifts for them... I loved to work.
On this particular day I was very excited. My aunt had come to North Carolina to visit, stay for a week or so. She had promised to come to the hospital to visit me, and I had told everyone about my wonderful aunt whom I loved, was proud of.
I was waiting for her to come, I couldn't wait to introduce her to everyone. I was proud to introduce 'some of my family' to my friends.................................. I never did that often.
She left North Carolina when I was a child. I loved talking to her, listening to her accent. I loved to see her when she came back east to see everyone through the years. She always dressed beautifully, and I admired that. She was special. She was flashy, her full skirts flared out when she walked, jewels on her sandals... all colors!!! I remembered this from when I was a little girl... colors were so special to me! So was this aunt!
As a little girl ... I thought she was like a bright, colorful bird... a beautiful bird. She loved colors, designs... she wore the most beautiful clothes, and shoes! I loved clothes, shoes and dressed the nicest... I always looked forward to what she'd be wearing... I 'knew' it would be beautiful.
She had a bright smile, and was so intelligent. She was always interesting. Oh, how I was waiting for her to come, to meet my friends, co-workers! She was staying with another aunt of mine, who lived close to the hospital.
The time she said she'd be there..came. My aunt didn't come as she promised. As the minutes went by, I became upset, tense... she didn't keep her promise. I wondered 'why'? I began thinking that maybe my aunt she was staying with, didn't want her to come. My 'family' was like that... sometimes when two got together... they did things depending on their moods... sometimes those things hurt others.
I waited for 30 minutes and called. I heard her and my other aunt giggling like young girls over the phone. She said they'd been so busy that she had 'just forgot' that she'd promised to come to the hospital. She said she'd be there in 'a few minutes'. I mentioned that 'maybe she'd like to come at another time, I understood'. No, no... she'd be there in a short time, she said.
I didn't feel good after that phone call and felt that she had told a big 'story'. They were giggling like schoolgirls, and I sensed that it didn't bode well. They were up to something... I 'knew' it. I wished I hadn't called, and I wished she wasn't coming now.
I felt so deflated after that call, and I told some of my co-workers who were looking forward to meeting 'Gloria's wonderful aunt'... that I didn't know if she was coming ... she'd been busy and had forgotten. I was very embarassed... I hate to admit it, I was ... hurt, hurt deeply.
A short time later, my aunt came to the window at my office and spoke to me in the pretty voice she had. I turned my head from where I sat at my desk... oh no! She was standing there with her hair out of place with a mischievious grin on her face. I saw the top of her blouse.........
She didn't look like my pretty aunt... she didn't look like that in public! I knew I had to play it off, 'I couldn't hurt her feelings'.... though God knows she was hurting me in a sad way... in my heart. 'Why' was she wanting to hurt me? My other aunt... 'that's why'. I 'knew' in my heart that this was planned.....
I opened the door to my office and invited her in... I smiled brightly at her. Some of my co-workers were coming into the office... I was so wishing I was somewhere else.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing... I'd never seen my aunt look like that. In my mind I was humiliated and my mind was screaming 'why did you come here looking like that... why would you embarass me like this'!).
I held my head high and pretended I didn't see how she looked. I 'proudly' introduced my aunt... I saw the looks my co-workers were giving each other ... I 'knew' they were wondering 'what was so special about this woman'. They never knew that 'I didn't know this woman, either'. I never told them any differently.
My aunt walked into the office... dressed in shorts and shirt... she was dirty! Her hair was a mess and she stood there with a light in her eyes... she was enjoying shocking me! Her eyes were laughing... at me!
I was so glad when she left ... she said she and my aunt had been busy working in her home. All I could think of was 'why did you come to my job in the office dressed like that, why?' Never in my entire life had I ever seen her look like that. I never let my friends know how 'shamed' I felt.
Through time I realized that it wasn't an 'accident' that my aunt came dressed like that... it was something she and my other aunt planned for her to do. Remember when the 'wrong combination' of people get together? When certain people get together.... they either bring the 'good' out of each other.... or they bring the 'bad' out of each other.
That was the day I completely 'let go' of my aunt, I never felt feelings for her again. In my mind I wished her well, just as I did my other aunt. I never saw her again. She hurt me badly that day ...to my heart. I wonder if she ever laughed, bragged and told everyone 'in the family' about the day she humiliated, shamed me? Maybe they all laughed, got a kick out it.
I forgave her, but... I don't look back... I left her behind in the past. The aunt I loved with my heart, looked up to, was proud of... she was 'somebody'. She was beautiful, wore bright and colorful clothes, a smile to match... where did she go ... on that day? How could she have wanted to appear in dirty clothes that day... even to play such a trick on someone? That was the day when the bright, colorful bird... lost her colors... that was the day I began seeing her in ... black and white... dull colors.
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)