IT'S NOT PAIN I'M USED TO LIVING WITH... (But, I Learned Something From It All... I Connected Dots)...
BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES/ aka GRANNY GEE
I kept my appointment this morning to go have a procedure done on my left knee... on May 10 th it was thought I had a ... Baker's cyst behind my knee. I've never heard of a Baker's cyst... it can be like a 'balloon sac filled with liquid' behind the knee making walking difficult, they can get huge, they can be multiple. The orthopedic never felt anything, but, he suspects this... down deep.
I don't have a Baker's cyst, they thought there was one there though it didn't show up on an x-ray... and both appointments both doctors used a ultra-sound on it.
Today it was determined that no, I don't have one. Now... I still have this really bad pain. The positive is that the injection he gave me in my knee could help with the inflammation and... 'hopefully' make a difference in the pain.
The next positive thing is ... I go back in three weeks. I'm not alone in this thing now. Progress is being made.. slowly.. but, being made to end this 'extra' pain. Do you have any idea of how happy this makes me? No matter that I'm used to living with pain every moment of my life... I notice this pain because... 'it's extra pain, it is pain 'I'm not used to'.
The 3rd positive thing is... I have learned something that I didn't know, never heard of. That's what a Baker's cyst is, the symptoms, and treatement, so on. I know alot about one now.
The 4th positive thing is ... that not only have I learned all this... I think I have solved a mystery from years ago that affected my mother and her siblings. I talked to my cousin.. I think she agrees with me. If this is so... how so sad to have something wrong... not knowing what to do... learning to live with it ... for example... like I've learned to live with pain no one can imagine I live with.
Our mothers as they became older... stopped walking... my mom didn't know 'why'... she sat in a recliner just like my Grandma Alma, never going to see what was wrong with her knees. Just in the last days of this 'extra pain' I've been experiencing for months... I have just went to the doctor... in my older years I watch myself carefully... I don't want this to happen to me. I saw other family members through the years do the same. They are gone now.
I think we become to living with such, thinking there is no hope. I think my mom gave up hope.... and quit walking because of....... pain. The more she sat, the more she couldn't walk... that and the combination of medicines...
I will write about this later as while I write, I will be thinking with my fingers, writing what I feel and look back to 'connect the dots'. You know how I love to connect the dots... I love dots. I love finally seeing the big picture... I should have been a detective... but, I would have been a frustrated detective.... it takes so long to 'connect the dots'.
So, this pain isn't in vain... I've been learning about new things, and have 'discovered the answer to a mystery'... all the while I'm experiencing this 'extra' pain.
I admit, this time I've been complaining as it has been truly bad... when I say truly bad, don't forget it's a combination of the 'extra' pain on top of ... 'always' pain.
The morning after... I slept good, I woke up several times and bent my knee and I .... smiled, thanked God. I didn't feel any pain in that knee ... I was smiling when I did a little dance down the hall to go to bed last night. I stood in front of the mirror and bent my knee, amazed that I could do so.. like normal.
This is monumental, I share this experience .... I know if I were reading this and had such pain in my knee... it would prompt me in the right direction... get to the orthopedic doctor. It may be as simple as the injection which I'm sure was cortisone. I can't believe the relief as the hours went by yesterday evening!
This morning I'm left with only the pain that my body 'knows and has lived with since 2008'... I can cope with this 'always' pain. I just can't cope as well with 'extra' pain.
Silly me... a crazy thought came in my head regarding some words I read awhile ago... they made me laugh! I read on someone's comment about going to play Bingo.... and how the whole place smelled like Bengay, urine and such! Seriously though... one never knows what another person goes through, some of them may not can help it... they may not be taken care of or have the mobility to reach 'places'... we all joke and laugh in a 'good' way... but, when we stop to look to find out 'why'... the answers surprise us. One day 'we could be like that'... I learned many years ago to be careful, because 'I promise you'... those thing 'do come home'. Laughing in a light, gentle way can be alright, sometimes.
I was thinking I wouldn't be recognized as an older woman like that... I smell like White Diamonds, my hair..my skin alike. I smell good and I love it, ha! I love for the wind to blow through my hair to get to smell the beautiful scent of my perfume. I'm older, but still very much... alive. I love life!
Well, I think as you read this, you are reading very happy thoughts this morning... I no longer am speaking from BEHIND THE CURTAIN OF PAIN wall... the extra layer of pain/curtain that was in front of me. It does color one's words, feelings, actions in 'dark colored' pain.
This morning.... happy wonderful sunshine colors with a smile to match! These are my colors today.... sunshine yellow bright as the sun, blue skies with white fluffy clouds, lush green grass, beautiful colors of flowers, the sound of birds, chiming windchimes, my spirits soaring high.... I'm rid of the extra layer of pain! I'm giddy with happiness... can you tell!?
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)