Tuesday, May 22, 2012




The warmth as I held it in my hands... the much needed comfort as I closed my eyes to enjoy... the flavor of homemade soup just like my mom used to make. It means so much to me... I need this... sometimes 'I think I need my own mom'.

Does that sound strange? I'm older now, and I just said 'I think I need my own mom'. I made a homemade soup just like she used to make... it taste just like her special homemade soup... I had to make it... I needed comfort. Mom, I'm thinking of you... how I miss you.

I'm grieving this week 'overtime'. I hear me crying before I know... I'm crying. My eyes burn, feel heavy from diamond tears... from more ... unshed tears. I can be sure they'll begin to fall, it's just a matter of 'when'.

I wonder if teardrops can be frozen? I wonder if so, could they all be counted? I think in reality if one did this... it could be called 'Memories Frozen In Time'. Each tear would hold a certain memory that made it be shed.

My memories that would be frozen in time would be so many... so many because I'm the only person I know who has had so many 'bad' things happen in my life. When I say that... don't think I feel sorry for myself, that I want pity or sympathy, or... that I'm an older, bitter person.

I'm quite the opposite of that... but, nevertheless... I feel pain... alot. I feel pain both physically at every moment of my life... combined with the pain in my heart. I've learned to live with it... sometimes, it hurts more than others.

I'm always trying to 'see why' such things happen... what am I supposed to learn from 'this life's lesson'... I 'know' things happen for a reason. If there is such a thing as reincarnation... was I really a 'bad' person 'before'... to have so much 'happen in this life'? In 'this life'... most all I've learned in life has been 'the hard way'.

In my young life I have traveled down many paths ... I could have been a 'really bad' person... if I hadn't turned back. Thank-God, I turned back on each... so, with that being said... it seems like life would have stayed so good, so happy for me.... 'I stayed 'good', but, still 'bad' things happened.....

So many questions, no answers. Maybe one day I will 'see why'... sometimes life is like that. I'm 'always connecting the dots' in life... I always liked that game as a child.

If I 'sold' my frozen teardrops, would they be an instant seller because they would be a novelty? What would one use the frozen teardrops for? How about Frozen Memory Tea? or Frozen Diamond Tears.... to put in the Frozen Memory Tea?

I would love to have a glass of Frozen Memory Tea, yes, don't forget to put the Frozen Diamond Tears in it........

I wonder 'what good' I could apply them to... is there something that could make other people happy, something that diamond teardrops could make a positive difference in the world? Can I donate them? I make alot of them, especially in the month of ... May.

This weekend marks two years since my son's death... for some reason it's really hurting ...alot... two years later. I become aware that I'm crying when I feel something wet on my hands, my arms. I look down to see diamond tears... shining, sparkling in the light.

I'm amazed at seeing, appreciating the beauty in one teardrop while... my heart feels such sadness, and my eyes cry more ... wondrous, beautiful teardrops.

Can you imagine a special tray in your freezer... with little frozen teardrops in rows, sparkling ...shining in the light? Can you imagine picking one up 'knowing' ..... 'it was cried with a certain memory'?

Can you imagine such a thing in reality as ...'Memories Frozen IN Time'? There would be 'good' memories, too.

1 comment:

  1. If I could have frozen all my tears I have cried over my nephew I would need another house. One larger than the one I now have because I would need several large freezers!! He has been gone for 8 years and I still cry because he is gone. Taken by a drunk driver. It was senseless! It shouldn't have happend to him---or to anyone else! My memories are like yours---very fresh in my mind----as if it was yesterday. We will have to go to the Lord to seek comfort and keep our faith and trust in God. We have angels with God looking down to see and take care of us as a guardian angel. We will always have our memories even if they are frozen in time. Love, Ms. Nancy