Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Monday, July 30, 2012
Mama's Sparkling Clean House... Chapter 2
Mama's Sparkling Clean House... Chapter 2
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee
She awoke to someone screaming, cussing early the next morning. She was shaking inside, outside. She laid there listening..... these were 'those sounds she remembered as as little girl'...that she used to wake up to. She hadn't heard them for many years.
Victoria felt afraid, nervous... she could hear her mother screaming at her little brother to ... clean up the cat s___. Her mother had close to thirty cats... they all had run of the house. Victoria's stomach was a nervous wreck, she felt nauseated. She cared for her little brothers who had to clean up cat ____.
It seemed the cats were most important there. Victoria didn't care now, as she would have in the past. Victoria was so thankful, grateful to have a... family... to come home to. She was so thankful that she didn't have to be alone, could be around someone that was ... hers. They weren't perfect, neither was she.
She heard one of her brothers, Lacey, protesting. "It's just not fair, it's just not fair for me to have to clean up the cat ___, mama", he cried out. "They are your damn cats"!
Mama screamed at him... "you clean that cat ___ up, anyway"! Her mother was a beautiful woman, a good woman. There were times though.... the woman she knew as her mama... seemed to be ... another person. What happened to you, mama?
Mama used to keep a 'perfect' house... immaculate. She remembered how wonderful it used to be to 'come home to mama's'. Her house would be sparkling clean, smell so good, all in place ... so pretty. That was when mama used to be happy.
Now... mama's house was completely the opposite. It had bad smells now, there were places on the floor that Victoria tried not to see.... cat feces. Her eyes tried not to see the walls where the cats 'sprayed'. Cats were everywhere, on the countertops, on the dining table, 'everywhere'. Oh mama, what happened to you?
Victoria's mind was reeling from the new things she was seeing, learning this time.... 'coming home to mama's'. She was in shock, though not to hurt her parents, she pretended 'not to see things'. She couldn't imagine her mama ever living like this. What happened?
Victoria... would see things, when talking... she would pretend not to see, make herself look at her parents. Her stomach felt so sick inside. She thought she'd lived in hell as a little girl......
Victoria had learned through the years how to pretend 'everything was alright'... when it wasn't. When she talked to her mama, her father... Victoria pretended she was in a beautiful place, all beautiful around them.
To a stranger's eyes they would see a beautiful young woman who sat and talked with such respect to her parents. They would see the love, caring in her eyes.... sometimes if they looked close enough... they would see the shock, the pain in them. Victoria had just weathered one of the worst storms in her life... now... she was 'safe' at her mother's home.
Victoria was thankful, grateful to be there. She didn't judge, she made her mind not think about the awful things she saw, smelled. She loved her parents, her brothers.... to be here with them meant the world to her. She felt protected.
The first night she spent there, she slept on a old twin mattress on the floor. On the floor where the cats were at, where the cats ______. Strangely enough... Victoria couldn't see, nor smell... Victoria came home to her parents in a state of shock. She couldn't look back ... she had to go forward.
All Victoria could think of was ...'thank you, mama and daddy... thank you for saving me'.
Earlier in the day while standing outside in the beautiful sunshine, Victoria was in a deep shock. Her parents had to drive two hours to get to her, she had to wait... wait to be where she felt safe, not so vulnerable to the world.
The world had treated her unkindly... she didn't ask for that... yet, she didn't fight what happened to her. Victoria was going to get through this storm, just as she'd weathered the other storms... since she was a little girl. What hurt her so much was that the decision she'd made today was one that put her in a bad light... when she didn't deserve it. To walk away... she had no choice.
Victoria stood in the sunshine, felt the wind blowing a strand of hair on her cheek.... she froze. I feel the wind blowing my skin, blowing my hair... my skirt against my legs... she thought. She put her hand softly up to her cheek to touch where the wind caressed her cheek. It felt wet.....
Oh God... that feels beautiful. Tears slid down her face as she cried silently. She held herself straighter, took deep breaths. Please hurry, please come on to get me, mama. I need you so much.
The car drove up to the curb where Victoria was standing. Through the shock she saw three faces .... three faces of caring that she was hurting, three faces who would protect her now. It was mama, daddy, and Lacey... one of her little brothers.
They got out of the car and walked toward her, they hugged her. She felt loved, safe now. They led her to their car, helped her in. Victoria was going home to mama's, everything was going to be alright.
It had been years since Victoria had come to mama's house, mama's wonderful, sparkling clean house.