Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Remembering Lena... Systervans
Remembering Lena... Systervans
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee
Yesterday I began thinking about Lena. As Skip and I talked about many things, I began to talk about Lena.
My systervan, Lena Gunnarsson, who lived in Sweden. For twelve years she was in my life everyday... by computer many times a day, by mail when we would send each other letters, gifts, photos.
We never got to meet, yet... we were very close, we knew what each other wished for, wanted, what was most important in life to each other. We knew each other's sons, Tommy and Johan... husbands, Skip and Hakan.
Lena and I even knew each other's families.... our families 'knew' Lena, and they 'knew' Gloria. Everyday from April 17, 1999 until she died months after Tommy... we meant so much to each other. Through emails, mail we experienced and 'felt' all we each went through in our lives.
We laughed together when things were funny, cried when things weren't good for the other, hurt when one of us was hurt, cared when each other was sick. We were like sisters... therefore we called each other 'systervan'... sister-friend.
Yesterday I was missing Lena very much. I told Skip that it hurts me very much when I think of her... she was a part of my world just as Tommy, Skip and our Pups were/are.
Every morning I'd wake up to go to my computer to find her emails... all through the day I would check my computer to find her emails. She did the same there in Sweden.
If we didn't hear from each other when we were a little later writing than usual... both of us would feel 'sick inside with butterflies, and all'... until we heard something. Then, our worlds would be right again.
For twelve years I wrote to Lena... for twelve years I've been writing and didn't realize it. Every day of my life I wrote to Lena during those years, just as every day of my life 'now'... I write to you, my readers... friends... family. I've been writing all along never realizing it.
Since November I've printed out all of my stories here... it's quite a big 'book' already! Can you imagine writing long emails everyday ...several times a day... for twelve years? The 'book' would be huge! I used to print all of her emails, you wouldn't believe! They burned in the fire that destroyed all of our things. I do still have my 'Lena Scrapbook' that survived the fire. How it did, I don't know.
Lena, I miss you with my heart. You were the sister I always wished for... you were 'there' when I was so ill, you were always there.
I miss you talking excitedly about going to Willy's, hunting for Portabella mushrooms in the forest, Lisa The Beautiful Pig, and .......... I have to stop now, it hurts me so much. You were as much a part of my world as breathing, just as Tommy was... just as Skip and our Pups are. You were my family, too. So was Johan, Sara... and Hakan and Per, Eva and Elin, Eric, Hjordis, Tomas, Emma, Harry and Berit, Roger and Anna-Lena.
I'm always honored when even now, one of Lena's family emails me. I'm honored when they send photos now. It means the world to me.
I felt sad thinking about Lena getting sick so quickly, dying... not long after that, Hakan died. I feel my heart squeeze up with that painful, familiar tug... grief.
Lena... I can't ever forget you my systervan. I can see you smiling now, happy that I wrote about you, not forgetting you. You and Tommy are 'why' I began writing here. I'm not ever forgetting you either, Lena.
When I began writing November 02, 2011 on my blog... I began with little silly things never thinking I would go on to write here. All of my years writing to Lena just as I write here, I found I couldn't stop........ all of a sudden 'I took off' writing. I want to write forever.
Thank-you, Lena, for always being there for me at my sickest, happiest, good or bad moments. It meant the world to me.
This is to ... remember Lena, my systervan. I loved you as my sister.