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grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Saturday, October 13, 2012
His Big, Gentle Hands Might Be Holding A Kitten...
His Big, Gentle Hands Might Be Holding A Little Kitten...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I know now, that when I walk to the little fish pond I will have a new thought in my mind... one that wasn't there before.
You see ... a little kitten died there the other night. A little kitten that no one will miss. I don't know 'which' one... there were many kittens close by. They all were born several months ago.
We would see them huddled up together on the warm sand in the driveway at nights. My heart would squeeze with caring... I remember the wild cats and their babies I used to faithfully feed... if I didn't get to, Skip would feed them. They touched our hearts deeply.
Skip and I chose dogs for our pets... but, we learned to love cats and 'see them' when we looked at them. They all had feelings, expressions.. too. I tried not to let the cats, their babies touch my heart... but, touch it... they did in such a way that bring tears.
I've watched these beautiful, little kittens here in the new place we moved to one and a half years ago.... I have stood back afar. I don't want to get close to them, nor pick up one to hold its little warm body to my heart... and look into its eyes.
I can... not... do it. It would melt my heart... I wouldn't be able to let go of it. Precious little kittens, innocent, not knowing how cruel life will be... they've only begun to learn to survive.
Like the other night... when the coyotes came. Skip has been sick for some time... it caught up with him a week ago... each day we walk down to the fish pond, or at Walmart so, I can pick up things I need. We walked down to the fish pond yesterday. We saw many coyotes tracks! Not only that....
We could see where scuffling of some sort had went on near the edge of the pond. My mind didn't want to think of what happened here. One little innocent kitty that no one will miss, nor remember... sailed into heaven the other night ... when the coyotes came.
I remembered that little kitten in my story called 'It Never Had A Chance'. I couldn't get the thought of that little kitten out of my mind... I don't even know what its little face looked like.
The image that comes to my mind is... a little 'huddle of about twenty kittens' on the warm sand each night. I saw them from a distance... so precious, so.............. I ... can ... not... go close to them, I would have to try to cuddle, hold them close. I love cats ... now.
Who would have believed? Gloria has become a .... 'cat lover', too. Though I wouldn't choose a cat for my pet... I have grown to love them, want to protect them. I will do both.
When I walk down to the little fish pond now... that little faceless kitten will always be in my mind.
I will look out over the little fish pond... try to see 'where' that little kitten sailed into heaven that night. I will do just as I tried to do.. to find Tommy.
Feel with my hands, try to find a opening that is invisible to the eye... that leads to heaven. If I find it, I will walk to the invisible door... turn the invisible door knob that can only be 'felt'.
I will walk up the invisible steps that only my feet can feel, no one can see with the eye... go to the top of the stairs and peep. Stand there quietly to see all the soft, white figures walk by me... I might see Tommy, the little kitten in his big, gentle hands walk toward me.... a big smile on Tommy's face because... Tommy loved kittens. Tommy had a cat named... Bailey. We never know... kittens might go to 'our heaven', too.
Yes, Tommy might be holding that little kitten in his big, gentle hands... smiling. He might say... "I'm so glad to see you, little kitten". I miss you, Son.