Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I Can Dust My Pants Off... Walk Away

I Can Dust My Pants Off Now... Walk Away

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

This morning I thought of you, Son
I smiled, knowing I wasn't going to cry this time
I closed my eyes so, that I could see you

When I finally opened my eyes
I discovered I was crying
Crying, because I miss you so much

I can only wish what all mothers do
Wish that you were here... not there
I cry for you, I miss your voice

I miss you, seeing your sweet face
Hearing your funny jokes
Even picking on me, messing up my hair

Son, you left so unexpectedly
Leaving such a hole in my life
I can't seem to fill it back up

Nothing can take your place
Because it's a Son's place
In a loving mother's heart

Sometimes, I cry 'Please come back, Son!'
Knowing how silly I must sound
Yet, I still do it... I want my child, my son

It's been two years, two years too long
That you've been gone from our life
It's been two years that I've cried many tears

Tears that no one sees, cried in private
So, I won't hurt anyone else
Because I would break their heart

I write here, it's all right
This is my place to come
To write my pain out... in words

I don't hurt anyone else, make them sad
If they choose to read my words
It's because they wanted to

If they feel emotion from my words
Please let it be in a positive way
To know that this mother loved her child

To know that this mother had to find a place
To come to, to let the grief pour out
Because it hurts so bad, too bad to hold inside

I didn't think I would cry today
I did, I miss you, Son
I wish you didn't have to ... go away

I sit here, rub my eyes, my tears
My nose is stuffy
My thoughts are on you

The little baby I once brought into this world
A child who knew so much pain
My child, my son... how I wish I could have protected you

Christmas is here again, you aren't here... again
There are lots of sons who will go home to their moms
Mine won't be coming home to me

I pretend you are on a trip, it helps me to make it through
I tell myself you'll be here later in time
Just like when you were on trips, you did come in time

I feel like a little girl whose mother went away
To leave her behind, how she sat, cried her eyes out
Cried her very heart out, the pain too great

Son, please come back to me, please come home!
I say this knowing it can't ever be
I say this to feel how it feels to say these words

I sit here gazing into the computer screen
I see, but, don't see the words that I write
I see the reflection of daylight in the window behind me

I see the sun is shining
How bright it seems, how happy it is
I feel my heart lifting, my tears slowly stopping

For a moment, grief overwhelmed me
Once again, as unexpected as when Tommy went away
For this moment, I'm all right... I'm smiling with tears in my eyes

I just missed my son, that's all
He was so funny, he was so full of life
My son was everything to me

He's gone now, never coming back
I just have to get used to it
Whether I like it or... not

He's not coming back
He's not coming back
He's not coming back

Do I need to write it 500 times
On the blackboard in my mind
Would the pain go away?

I guess Time will help to heal such pain
Sometimes... I think it has until
This happens again, grief overwhelms me

Grief overwhelms me like an avalanche
When it comes rolling down the mountainside
Crushing, tumbling me through the white snow

Thankfully, once again... I get back up
I was thrown clear, I wasn't drowned in grief
I can dust my pants off now... walk away

1 comment:

  1. I am not sure anyone would get over losing a child. Everyone I know that has lost a child hasn't really gotten over it. Hopefully the pain will ease up over time. I am not sure about that either. I just can't imagine losing a child---especially if it is your only child. I can only be here for you. You can talk to me, yell at me (get out your frustration) or punch me--whatever you feel like doing. I can only be here for you. Love, Ms. Nancy