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grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Grandma Alma Had Pinched Me One Time Too Many!
Grandma Alma Had Pinched Me Hard One Time Too Many!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I woke up, looked at the clock seeing it was morning... I saw 6:00 am. I was laying with my upper half of body on the bed. Why are my feet resting on the floor... it's a good thing I love to sleep with lots of pillows. I was on my side, so... to finish getting up didn't take a lot of effort.
I did something I haven't done since a little girl living at Grandma Alma, and George's. I instantly thought of them. I put my bare feet on the wall 'just for a moment'... to remember. I was already stretched out far enough. I didn't leave them there... just enough to remember.
I remember when sleeping with Grandma Alma, I slept on her left side. The side with her good hand. I remember well, her using that left hand to pinch me. Pinch me hard!
Why did she pinch me? Because, her bed on my side was close to the wall... making it fun for me as a child, to prop my feet up on that wall! I loved to stick my feet out of the covers, put them on the wall, wiggle them around feeling the cool surface on the soles of my feet.
Grandma Alma always knew somehow... because the next thing I knew, I'd feel her hand pinch me! She'd say, "Faye, put your feet back under the cover!" Then, George would wake up, his voice would thunder in the darkness, "now, what in the hell is going on!"
She would tell him to go back to sleep, that Faye just had her feet on the wall. "On the wall!" I would roll my eyes, sigh, put my feet back under the cover. I couldn't understand 'why' I couldn't just put my feet where I wanted to.
It became a challenge to see how far I could get before being caught by Grandma Alma... I always paid the price if she caught me. Being pinched by her... her hand twisting ever so little... she pinched just enough to make it hurt good!
I wonder if any other grandchild got pinched by her... and recognized what I just wrote. Each time I remember this, I feel uncomfortable inside from a memory that hurts me to this day.
I try to get past remembering 'that'... it looks like I won't this time, either. My Grandma Alma pinched me very hard, I guess I was being a stubborn little girl... it hurt very bad that particular instance.
I cried out, waking up George once again... to know George, one knew when you got his attention on you... he was going to 'holler.' He could thunder out like nobody's business. I would cringe when he did it... loud? Oh, my gracious... he could be loud!
Not only loud, he would begin cussing. "What in the damn hell is going on," George would yell. Sometimes, 'us kids' would grin at each other, sometimes, it was funny. Not that night, it wasn't funny. Grandma Alma had 'pinched me hard' one time too many.
I cried out, tears springing into my eyes, anger filled my mind. I reached over, pinched my Grandma Alma back! She cried out, never expecting me to do that! Of course, George went into action... it took some time before we all settled back down to sleep.
George's full-sized bed was on one side of the room, Grandma Alma's full-sized bed was on the opposite side. If she needed George, he could get up, walk straight to her.
He got up then, came over to the bed to make sure Grandma Alma was covered up. All the time, he was fussing at me for pinching my grandma. Wasn't I ashamed of myself? Don't be pinching your grandma like that! Don't you know she loves you?
Of course, I felt ashamed. I felt hurt for doing that, I dearly loved my Grandma Alma. I cried myself to sleep. "I'm sorry, grandma, I'm sorry!" To this day, I still feel so bad that I was a mean little girl who pinched my Grandma Alma. This is something I wish so much to be able to 'take back.'
All I can say in my defense, was that I'd been kicked around so much down there, so much pain ... I struck out. The sad thing is I struck out at the wrong person. Hell was always in the air.... it was still no excuse. I do think surely 'I knew better' than to do that. I was about ten years old.
I'd went to Hell ... had begun learning to fight when someone hurt me. I just went in the wrong direction that time. I never did it again. I couldn't bear the knowledge inside that I'd inflicted pain on Grandma Alma. It can make tears in my eyes now. It just did....... "I'm so sorry, grandma, I'm so sorry'................
I remembered... I had put my feet down on the floor for Kissy to use to step up on the bed. Sometimes, all he has to do is 'get that little extra push'. Sometimes, it causes a terrible cramp, too! :)))
We go to any lengths for our Pups... all pet lovers do. Kissy is very capable of jumping up on the bed... but, sometimes, he likes to be a puppy. He and The Wick (one of Chadwick's nicknames) are just... precious. Sometimes, those lengths we go to for them... just hurts our bodies so bad.
We let them walk on us, lean on us, fall on us... we feel it every time. I think it's because we have gotten a little older now... and we already hurt. :))) You would think we'd have a lot of room on our bed... it's king-size ... but, the room runs out!
For instance, when Kissy had managed to get up on that bed... 'half of me was resting with my feet on the floor... he was stretched out from the side of the bed (across) to the middle.
The Wick (Chadwick) has stretched out 'down' the middle of the bed. Anyway... enough so, they successfully took enough space to make me sleep on one edge of the bed... Skip sleep on the other edge of the bed!
We always 'make sure there's plenty of room' for those Pups! :))) Oh, when I had come to my computer to sit here to write tonight ... I looked at the time on the screen... I saw 2:15 am. I was thinking my computer was wrong! I looked at my cellphone, it was..... 2:16 am this morning! I can't believe I'm up thinking it was 6:00 am in the morning. I was ready to shower, get ready for the day!
I sit here, shaking my head, I think.... mmm-mmm, I'm going back to bed! Provided... there's some room for me in there!