Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Friday, April 5, 2013
One Minute At A Time...
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
One Minute At A Time...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Her little face innocent of what was ahead
In her future as a big girl... no lines, frowns, sadness
One can see the happiness, eagerness to learn, to run
To play like all the other children around
No! That hurts, don't touch me, leave me alone!
These shouldn't be words a little girl would ever say
I'm going to tell my mama, please leave me alone!
The little girl doesn't tell anyone, stays quiet 'forever'
As time goes by, one thing after the other reaches out for her
She wiggles, moves sideways, jumps, runs to avoid scary things
In her life, through the years as she grows up... look at her face
You can see, if you look closely... pain already etched permanently in her eyes
Still, she smiles, reaches out to love, to be loved... she still trusts
With her very heart that surely no one would hurt her, because
Why would someone do that, it's easier to love than to hate!
No, leave me alone, don't hurt me... I won't reach out anymore
The young girl soon becomes a young woman, learns as years go by
Don't be so eager to trust, people will take advantage, hurt you
If you give them the opportunity to... they will use you, throw you away
You stay on that side of the invisible line, I'll stay on my side, I respect you, you respect me
I want to be friends, but... don't cross my line... or I can't be with you
You have to be friends, but... don't get into my personal life, I won't get into yours
I can't risk being hurt anymore, life has already made me suffer so
I am fragile as I grow older to be an elderly woman
My shoulders aren't as strong, though I can make you think they are
I can't save the world as I once meant to do, I'm older now, I'm an older woman
See the pain in my eyes, my face... see the lines, the frowns, the grief that is permanently there?
It comes from the knowledge that I couldn't do everything I thought I could as a little girl, a young woman
When I used to be invincible, I could fly! I could do anything
I could fight for the underdog, make them all safe
All was an illusion... I just thought I could!
Now, in the latter years when I thought I would grow older
With my son always there to love, care for his mother
To outlive me, so... that I could leave him my 'earthly possessions'
Leave my memory so, he could tell his children about their Granny Gee
He is gone... he died at the age of 40, when he should have lived a long life
He's no longer here to tell his children about me, who I am, what I am about
So, I had to begin writing to the world my blog, my books... hoping
To be remembered ... hoping my grandchildren will ... one day find 'Me', Granny Gee... Gloria Faye Brown Bates
I sit here... I close my eyes, smile a sad smile
I put my head in my hands, rub my forehead to comfort myself
I put my palms over my eyes, rub them placing my fingertips over
Each eye... turn my hands over so that the back of my fingers are over my eyes
My head hurts, my ears ring... I feel pain in my heart
I feel sleepy, I want to lay down but, I won't
The tears didn't come this time... they got lost along the way
I'll get up, I can't sit still for the pain
Walk around, look at this, get out of the house
See the sunshine, feel the warm air
Walk down to the pond, listen to the frogs
A fish jumps up from the water, goes back with a splash!
How wonderful it feels to be outside where there's room
To let one's sad feelings soar up in the air
Where there aren't any walls to hold them in
The universe is big enough to absorb them all, until they aren't there anymore
I can take a deep breath now, everything's going to be alright
Once again, I can feel happiness, light of heart
Until the next time... until the next time when it will begin over again
For now... I'm going to smile, live life as it is for now... one minute at a time