Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Everything Will Be Alright...
Everything Will Be Alright...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Skip and I were talking tonight as I have been updating all on Camie... about how good people have been, and are being ...by helping us get Camie the care she needs for her recovery.
I sit here, thinking of how thankful I am... I was looking back at how far we've come with her... do you know? There's no way we had extra money to pay for all this care so far, and all that is ahead.
We have two Pups, already... and Skip has been very sick... I haven't been well... gracious. What would we have done without you? I kept thinking that all I could have done is sit, cry... watch this precious little puppy die... I couldn't have comforted her... her skin was 'open'... it couldn't have been touched at all.
Camie's angel stepped in, sent money to Camie's vet... then... all of you began stepping in, and are still helping. Can you imagine how I am feeling? The thankfulness, gratitude is more than I know how to put in words. My eyes, my heart fill with tears... Thank-you, thank-you all from my very Heart... from Skip's very Heart.
If you can even feel..sense from my words how I feel... you will feel such powerful emotion.
This precious little puppy has bonded with us, we with her. She has her 'always' home and family, now. She is in a place where she is special... and guess what? She is knowing it... I really believe she is showing signs of... being spoiled. :)))
We talked about something else... some of you have mentioned it. I know you are right in what you said. Most of you know that everyday of my life I grieve for the loss of my only child, my son... Tommy. It's a part of my every waking moment... I cry for him in my heart ... sometimes, I just can't bear the pain.
I have friends who have lost their child... they understand so well... I understand so well... it's really very hard to when you haven't experienced the death of a child. Anyway... I can't tell you the grief in my Heart.
Since I rescued this little puppy... she's made such a difference in my life... I think she's rescued me, also. The past 27 days of focusing on her, feeling her pain, seeing... hearing her cry... has completely kept me occupied. I've even slept only several feet from her to make sure I hear her... to let her go outside.
I've been in another world... filled with pain... lots of physical... and mental pain, grief. Grief over this little puppy I thought had died... only to find out time was wasted... and she'd been laying... dying for three days. I felt such emotion... and anger was in my heart, also.
I pulled a muscle when I carried her from where she lay dying... I felt that extra pain for several weeks while I cared for her. It was bad, but, I couldn't stop... she needed me. Then... I took the bad fall... I've been in extra pain since, :))) I still didn't let it stop me from caring for her.
I have to live in pain every moment of my life as it is... from past surgeries... I don't take anything for it... it's rare that I do.
Somehow, I've learned to cope with it... it's when the 'extra pain' happens ... that I can't cope with... I will try Aleve for it.
The point is... it seemed 'everything was trying to happen at the same time as I was caring for Camie... to make my every moment be filled with such excruciating pain'... mental, physical.
Not only that... I've have been so upset, worried for Skip. He suffered a stroke months ago... I know you all remember when I was so afraid. He's been very, very sick lately... his blood pressure, his blood sugar.
I was thinking about all of this tonight... I've been watching Camie all evening. Everything she has done has tugged at my very Heart. She 'put herself to bed'... she ran down the hall, jumped on the bed and snuggled up in the blankets I have for her... (I mean she makes a big production as if it means the world to her), goes to sleep. She looks so peaceful. The bedcovers comfort her... us being near her... comforts her.
I grieve for Tommy... but, somehow... this one little puppy needed me to help her... somehow... it has helped me. I don't know how to describe it. I just know that ... Camie has made a difference in my life... in our life. It's a special difference.
Thank-you so much for helping Camie... helping, making it possible for me to get her well. I know it's going to take more time... but, I'm going to be right there for her making sure she gets her medicines faithfully, and treatments. I need her... as much as she needs me.
Can you see why... I have so much to feel such overwhelming gratitude for? No matter the pain... I've made it this far. :))) Today, both Skip and I feel better... and I feel everything is going to be alright.
Thank all of you from my Heart. Love, Gloria/Granny Gee :)))