Tuesday, September 17, 2013

If She Was Going To Live Now... She Might As Well Get Started

If She Was Going To Live Now... She Might As Well Get Started
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Artwork By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee......................................

She sat up slowly, tried to focus her eyes
Closed them, opened them hoping to clear them
Of Death's glaze that almost sealed them forever
She put her hands over her eyes

The pain... pain everywhere, nowhere the most
She looked over to the steps that led up on the porch
Looked to the door... then, to the sky

Where it was blue, white clouds before... it was getting dark now
She wanted to be in the house if she couldn't lay here dead
Afraid of the dark outside, more than the darkness on the inside
She began to push herself up to stand up

She trembled, almost fell back down to the ground
Determination pushed her ass to stand up
She stood as she meant to, if she was going to live now
She might as well... get started

She put one foot forward, held it firmly to the ground
She wasn't going to fall down, she had to make it inside
She was afraid of the dark, something might get her
Being alive brings its fears... the darkness was one of them

She put one foot in front of the other
Until she got to the steps... if she had to crawl
She was going up them, she didn't make it this far
For nothing, she'd get herself in that house

Lock the door against the night, sleep on the floor
If she must... it didn't matter now, if she lived
Everything past death a short while ago is a plus
She could ... 'not be' ... doing anything ... now

Holding onto the hand rail, she pulled herself up
Until she got to the top, stood there, slowly looked around
She didn't know she'd see all this again
The big oak tree in the yard, the yellow bushes with flowers

When she closed her eyes last, she never thought about
Ever seeing again the things she loved
As these thoughts went through her head
Where before... no thoughts were being thought of

She reached the storm door, opened it... went inside
Closed the wooden door that was still standing open
How long ago did it get left opened
She couldn't think past this moment, she locked the door

She walked slowly through the living room, down the hall
Turned right, went into the bathroom ... turned the faucet on
She propped herself on the counter, put her face down
Splashed cold water onto her face, in her eyes

Toothbrush in hand, she put the toothpaste on it
Brushed the taste of death out of her mouth
If she was going to live, her teeth were going to be clean
When she was stronger, she would get into the shower

For now, she was going to lay down
Sleep the sleep of life, not death
Either way, she wouldn't have to feel the pain
That pushed her into Death's arms

When and if... she woke up, she'd decide what to do
For now, it didn't matter... she couldn't change a thing
No strength was left in her mind, her body
For now... she couldn't do a thing

Hours later, her eyes opened, her ears heard no sound
She lay there, letting her mind fill with thoughts
She felt anger, pain in her heart... she knew now, what to do
If she was going to live now... she might as well get started.

1 comment:

  1. I think sometimes we all don't know what to do. At times we don't know if we want to live or die. Something to think about and weigh our options. Love, Ms. Nancy