Friday, September 13, 2013

Things Don't Seem To Be As Scary As They Can Be... When There's Light

Things Don't Seem To Be As Scary As They Can Be... When There's Light
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Have you ever been afraid?  Wake up late at night... feel very afraid?  Maybe hear sounds from the past... it make you uneasy, afraid?

Tonight, I awoke to a sound, a shaking on the bed.  I thought it was Chadwick maybe scratching.  I saw his body moving.  I jumped up as I realized he was having a convulsion.  I was so frightened.

I ran to the wall to turn the light to turn the light on.  Then, I ran to the side of the bed he was... but, he slipped off onto the floor before I could get to him.  I was so upset because I saw his head at a strange angle.

I, hurriedly grabbed him up, speaking to him.  I held him up until he began to become aware of his surroundings.  He was disoriented, and I let him lay on the floor.  He could hold himself up, okay.

I ran to get a damp cloth... I wanted to wipe his face, thinking it would help him.  I came back to him, went to wipe his face.  He must have still been disoriented ... he seemed afraid; he growled and I stopped.

I looked into his eyes... I could see he 'wasn't himself'.  I wonder why he had a convulsion... I know he didn't get hold of anything to hurt him.  I felt fear... I feel sick now, as I write.  I wanted to wipe his mouth, his chest off.  He wouldn't let me.

As if in apology, he walks to me now, for me to touch him, love him.  I do, as I look closely at him, to see if he's alright.  I know sometimes, he'll have a bad dream... I wonder if that's what happened to him.

My prayer is that he'll be okay, and not be sick.  I just want our Pups to healthy, well.  They are our family, our world.  They mean everything to us.

I just turned to look at him... he has finally laid down after walking through the pet door to go outside, come back in... several times.  I have the fan on to make the air circulate.  He seems to be enjoying it... be relaxed.

I feel better now, that I sat here to write my fear, worry.  I am calmer, inside... now.  I'll be glad when the morning light comes... things don't seem to be as scary as they can be... when there's light.

Sounds from the past... when I was a little girl ... for a short period of time... my beautiful mother had convulsions.  I can't tell you what it did to me as a young child... I won't try at this moment.  It would take too long.  I can tell you that I would be physically sick to my stomach, shake and tremble... I would be so afraid it would happen again... and see her face... her body.  The nightmares... the fear... it is too much for a little child.  The violent shaking, the sounds... I have to stop now.

She never did it again... but, for a year maybe... it would happen.  She never found out what caused it to happen.  I never forgot... the nightmares followed me for years... I would dream she was under my bed... and she was..............  I couldn't bear for my mama to hurt... to cry when I was a little girl.  I loved her with my very Heart.

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