Things Don't Seem To Be As Scary As They Can Be... When There's Light
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Have you ever been afraid? Wake up late at night... feel very afraid? Maybe hear sounds from the past... it make you uneasy, afraid?
Tonight, I awoke to a sound, a shaking on the bed. I thought it was Chadwick maybe scratching. I saw his body moving. I jumped up as I realized he was having a convulsion. I was so frightened.
I ran to the wall to turn the light to turn the light on. Then, I ran to the side of the bed he was... but, he slipped off onto the floor before I could get to him. I was so upset because I saw his head at a strange angle.
I, hurriedly grabbed him up, speaking to him. I held him up until he began to become aware of his surroundings. He was disoriented, and I let him lay on the floor. He could hold himself up, okay.
I ran to get a damp cloth... I wanted to wipe his face, thinking it would help him. I came back to him, went to wipe his face. He must have still been disoriented ... he seemed afraid; he growled and I stopped.
I looked into his eyes... I could see he 'wasn't himself'. I wonder why he had a convulsion... I know he didn't get hold of anything to hurt him. I felt fear... I feel sick now, as I write. I wanted to wipe his mouth, his chest off. He wouldn't let me.
As if in apology, he walks to me now, for me to touch him, love him. I do, as I look closely at him, to see if he's alright. I know sometimes, he'll have a bad dream... I wonder if that's what happened to him.
My prayer is that he'll be okay, and not be sick. I just want our Pups to healthy, well. They are our family, our world. They mean everything to us.
I just turned to look at him... he has finally laid down after walking through the pet door to go outside, come back in... several times. I have the fan on to make the air circulate. He seems to be enjoying it... be relaxed.
I feel better now, that I sat here to write my fear, worry. I am calmer, inside... now. I'll be glad when the morning light comes... things don't seem to be as scary as they can be... when there's light.
Sounds from the past... when I was a little girl ... for a short period of time... my beautiful mother had convulsions. I can't tell you what it did to me as a young child... I won't try at this moment. It would take too long. I can tell you that I would be physically sick to my stomach, shake and tremble... I would be so afraid it would happen again... and see her face... her body. The nightmares... the fear... it is too much for a little child. The violent shaking, the sounds... I have to stop now.
She never did it again... but, for a year maybe... it would happen. She never found out what caused it to happen. I never forgot... the nightmares followed me for years... I would dream she was under my bed... and she was.............. I couldn't bear for my mama to hurt... to cry when I was a little girl. I loved her with my very Heart.