By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Secrets... more secrets. I have many secrets I will take to my grave with me. They will go up in smoke... mix with my ashes left from being cremated. You won't be able to see... know them... ever.
Some secrets can't ever be told... some can, 'now'. They can't any longer hurt anyone... the ones involved ... have died long ago. I never told the ones I can tell 'now'... I never wanted to hurt anyone... even if I thought I 'hated'... someone.
For instance, I never wanted to hurt a stepmother who hurt me when I was little... as an adult. It's strange... she set out to do her 'bad things' to me when I was 'dying, very ill with cancer'... I fought like hell to live... I made it. She did it in such a kind, sweet, caring way... fooling Skip, who didn't know her. I was too ill to realize... I could have told him.
The strange thing was... not so, long afterwards... she was diagnosed with cancer... she died. You would have thought I hated her enough to wish her dead... thought I'd taken satisfaction in her getting cancer... dying. You would have thought I'd think 'she deserved it for what she did to me'. I didn't...
You would have thought... Stupid ass 'me'... shed tears over her ass.... you wouldn't have if you knew all the things she did..... I forgave. You would have probably... danced with joy. No, I didn't. Strange enough... the people who treated me the worse as a child... I loved them. Why? Because ... they were all I knew... all I had.
The secret I kept from her...from the time I was a very little girl, through time was... my father came to see my mother through the years. I remember seeing him kissing her. My mother kissed him right back... I would peep at them. Not only I would peep... my little cousins did, also.
My father came... to see me as an adult. I never told her... nor anyone... until 'now'. It's no big deal... at one time... it could have been. Who gives a damn... 'now'? Can you imagine her ... reaction?
Secrets... this is only one of the little ones I can tell. I don't feel anything thinking about this secret... you would think I would. I ... don't.
My life is full of.... secrets. I love the word when I look at it... full of mystery, intrigue, wonder. Secrets....
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)