I Will Know Only When ...The Time Comes
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I guess it stands to reason, for me to have Tommy on my mind a lot lately. Another holiday will soon be here... all mothers think of their children. Holidays were special through the years... made that way for a child.
Looking at Tommy's photos... I can't believe he's not here. In his photos, I see a strong, big guy with a sunshine smile. I can still hear his voice in my mind. Oh my God... I really can.
I still know what it sounds like. Suppose I ever heard someone speak like him? I don't know what reaction I would have. My stomach feel like butterflies are flying around in it. Panicky...
I've been thinking about his chest ... in my mind, I can see it. It's a beautiful, deep red, upholstered chest. It sits in my art room... I wish I could get it, bring it to the table... open it, take the few things out that are... his.
I would like to hold them in my hands... close my eyes... 'feel' them with my heart. Smell them... to see if I can find the scent of my son. Maybe on his hat... the hat he had on... at his last moment on the beach.
There's a plastic box in his chest... one that I would have to open, take the contents out. This ... is the box that can cause me intense pain, grief. I can't talk about it... now.
I don't know if I will get the courage to take his chest down from where it sits... bring it to the table at this holiday. I will know only when ...the time comes....
Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)