By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Getting back to the size I used to be ... fat girl trying to hold me inside ... not let me out! :)
Well ... I think a lot of you are wondering about my losing weight adventure. I will tell you truthfully ... it was good, then it was Hell. I can't tell you how hard it's been.
I started out with quite the mind-set. At that time, I knew I was going to drop the pounds quickly, easily. Well, at that particular time I was right. That was a few months ago at least. I was losing good.
A month of doing well went by ... then like always ... that crucial time of losing weight ... hit. This is when you taste something and the next thing you know ... you are beginning to eat 'everything' once again. This happened to me. I gained 3 of the 25 pounds lost ... back! They felt awful ... I could actually feel them.
Somehow ... your mind has the magical ability to 'forget' that you have been eating healthy ... you have been doing the right thing. This time I paid close attention to myself while I went into 'self-destruction mode'.
I watched myself ... and it was at that time I was facing two paths in my life ... either go down the one of unhappiness of staying overweight for the rest of my life ... or get my ass back on the feel-good road of losing weight. Well ... I wanted both paths ...
Not only that ... I didn't know if I could go back to working on making the weight come off. I didn't know if I felt like it. My determination, fighting spirit kicked in ... yes, I am going to lose this weight if it's the last thing I do! The rest of my years aren't going to be looking into a mirror at a fat girl I don't want to see.
So, I've begun doing something I imagine in my mind. I'm unzipping that fat girl and I am climbing out! :)
I actually was in a battle with me, myself ... and I! It was Hell ... I'm telling you it was pure Hell. I was fighting the fat me for ... the me who is really to get out of my fat person's body. All Hell broke loose! I won't even try to describe all of the battle.
I did a terrible thing ... no one likes to admit such things. I will because I think there are some people like me who battle weight every day of their lives. If one doesn't speak truthfully about such things ... then, they need to keep their mouths shut. I will tell you.
I began making myself throw-up ... then, ran to brush my teeth, gargle ... wash my face, put on moisturizer, comb my hair to be fresh again. I did this as a young person if I dared to gain over several pounds! No, it's not good to do this ... it's dangerous, unhealthy. Don't do it ... ever!
Do you know 'what' made me do that? Pure damn white-hot anger at myself. Because I was thinking ... here my ass goes again thinking it's going to just eat anything I want ... and my eyes aren't going to acknowledge I'm still fat. Hell no-ooooooooooooooooo!
I vowed to myself that I was going to 'punish my ass' every damn time I began eating too much. Everyone loves the taste of good food ... I don't deny it ... I love wonderful flavors, aromas, good foods.
How many times have I done this since I became ... overweight? So many that I can't even bear to think of them. I don't suggest to anyone to 'punish' themselves by throwing up. I am just being honest ... and hope I never-ever do it again. Desperation ... meaning to get past the bad time I was having are the whys I did it. Still doesn't make it a right way to do it.
Losing weight is a bitch ... I'm telling it like it is. It isn't easy. If you know someone who is trying to lose weight ... show a little compassion ... your ass could be fat one day.
I have gotten to see many people who laughed, made fun of someone overweight ... get fatter than Hell. It served their asses right ... now, they can't help but, to know how it feels.
I know how it feels and my size used to be 'perfect'. I never-ever laughed, made fun of anyone for being overweight. I never made fun of anyone for anything. Making fun of someone ... really hurts people. I had my share as a little innocent girl. I see some of those very people ... if I had known as a child ... their words would have never hurt me.
I would like to tell you that for the past 13 days I've been doing well. I chose the feel-good path ... why? Because each morning it feels good to sit up on the side of the bed, smile ... go look in the mirror and see a positive difference. I'm eating just like I should ... I'm very proud of myself.
Another thing I've succeeded in doing ... cutting out all carbonated beverages ... can you believe it? How in the world did I manage to do that? :)
Also, I am going to decaffeinated coffee and tea as soon as what we have ... is used up.
Not only that ... this is a mission I am on and I mean ... to accomplish it. If I even try to slide ... there's going to be one hell of a battle once again. I have some more cards up my sleeve.
I mean to win this battle ... I'm going to feel good, look good for the rest of my life. I'm tired of being a fat, dumpy, frumpy fat girl when I know ... what I can be ... once again. :)
So, let's hope I'm not in that battle again ... that fat girl tried to zip me up in the fat body forever ... it was all I could do to pull me back out halfway. I can't go back! I'm still ... unzipping the fat girl to let me out!
Note by this Author:
Losing weight is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I keep seeing in my mind myself as a slim person once again. I mean to succeed.
I look forward to letting go of the 'fat clothes' ... I am looking forward to being on a new road ... journey in my life. It's me who has control to make it happen. I'll keep everyone posted. :)
Why do I write about it? I know there are people who need to read real life ... I need to read it ... it's hard to find. I like to know how things really feel ... don't you? Don't you wonder if others go through what you do? If they suffer things you do? Don't you always hope to find answers? I'm no different than you. :)
Photos/true story are both owned by me ... #Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.
I have decided that if I lose weigh I lose it if not so be it. I wouldn't mind being as slim as I was about 30 or so years ago but I don't know if that is reality for me. I won't go on a regular diet I will just eat sensibly and see what happens. Wish you luck with your weight loss.
ReplyDeleteI would like to be smaller too. I have cut way back on my eating but have lost no weight. I think my medication has a lot to do with some of the weight gain. I wasn't this size until I started on medication. Love, Ms. Nancy
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