By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
Ha! Ha! Ha! Did I hear an echo of laughter from the other side? It came from nowhere that I can see ... I looked carefully.
I just got kicked in the teeth by someone I was told not to trust. My Grandma Alma told me not to trust that person. What happens? Through time ... be damned if she wasn't right! How did she know? I thought I heard laughter ... from the grave!
My first cousin told me that I had the wrong impression of someone who used to be in our family ... I thought that person was truly good, and had loved her all through the years. My cousin tried to warn me by saying, "Gloria, she's not what you think she is". I would just nod my head showing I heard her. I never wanted to argue. I felt sorry for that person ... she only showed me her 'good' side.
My first cousin got killed in a freak accident. A log truck hit her head-on. She didn't get to tell me more about the person she told me wasn't who I thought she was. She didn't have to ... I began connecting the dots. Oh, how right she was! Ha! Ha! Ha! Did I hear an echo of laughter? Did it serve my ass right?
Another first cousin told me about another family member saying don't ever trust that person. She's the wicked witch of the west. She'll sweeten you up for the kill, stab you in the back ... eat you! She'll try to find all your weaknesses, cut your legs out from under you. Well ... I never trusted that far to find out ... never will. I never heard an echo ... none at all. I pray he rests in peace.
He's not the sweet, good person you think he is. He's been in your family for years, and you think he's so good. He's really mean, ugly to your ........ he does things he shouldn't ... has, throughout the years. Why he even went with your .......... 's girlfriends! and ex-wife! Disbelief ... I learned by seeing, listening to the 'horse's mouth'.
Yes, he did all those things, and more. Did I hear his laughter from the grave ... do I hear the words, "I fooled you, bitch"! I hope not ... I always gave respect, geniune love that might not have been deserved ... then again, that person treated me very good.
At one time in my life he made possible for me to have a home to come to as a young woman. I was, and have always been grateful. He never treated me out of the way ... never. So, for the person I thought he was ... I've never regretted loving, respecting him.
He always treated me good ... until at the last. The last several years of his life ... when I actually saw, heard from his own mouth ... him dating and asking one of my ............'s girlfriends, and ex-wife to marry him. The reason he wanted me not to see, hear, be around was ... he saw his actions broke my Heart.
He actually told me things ... he was embarrassed but, he had new-found freedom ... I sat, listened quietly ... not letting the pain, grief, disappointment show. Somebody was right before they died ... I don't hear laughter from ... her grave. I only feel sadness.
I can't tell you the grief in my Heart for so many close family members who have died ... all in just a matter of maybe 8-10 years ... some dying close together... not only on my mother's side of the family ... on my father's side, also. That's not counting some of our Pups we used to have, love with our Hearts. That's not counting the friends we truly loved, cared about.
I truly loved, cared about every one of these people who died ... as a child. I even loved them after being mistreated by some of them ... I grieved for them after each died. Strange enough ... the ones I loved most ... as a child ... have died. The very shaky foundation my young life was built on ... pure crumbled.
There are some family members living today ... I loved them with my Heart as a child ... in adult life ... we'll never see nor be a part of each other's lives. It's the natural 'hate thing ... natural distrust' we all inherited in our make-ups. Love is there ... but, there's no way anyone would, could know it.
I have a brother I love who lives not 5 miles away ... I'll never talk to, see him again in his/my life. I have another brother ... same thing. Isn't life sad? There's no way it can happen. No love, but love-hate ... no trust ... no foundation to meet on ... all crumbled away with time. Family members being jealous, or in-laws ... separation as children, not growing up together ... no bonds to hang onto. The young, tender bonds were snapped, stretched through time when growing up apart ... when they broke, that was it.
Life is sad ... this said ... I will say I love each one in my Heart ... I have already accepted such some time ago ... I've coped with it ... and let go. It's all one can do ... I can't just ... lay down and die because I can't have family relationships ... of course ... I wouldn't. I've come too far, coped with too much to ... just give up. I have my Grandma Alma's fighting spirit ... it isn't there 'for nothing'.
I must have some purpose in life ... though I've never figured it out all these years. Only once did I 'figure out why' ... when I survived cancer. That was when I began getting recovering from cancer.
Skip was diagnosed with cancer in the 3rd year I was beginning to grow stronger ... I 'knew' it was for me to care for him just as he did me ... he could see I was recovering from being near the edge of death ... and he could do the same. I remember telling him right in the oncologist's office after she told him ... 'now, I know 'why' I made it.
I should have died 16 years ago with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Skip had colon cancer ... he is a 14 year cancer surviver ... colon cancer. We survived ... cancer.
Do you know what was most strange about those years of fighting for my life? Not one family member ... ever knew or acknowledged how sick I was. They would drive right by the house we lived in ... if Skip happened to have me outside on the porch ... they would wave cheerfully, never missing a beat. No one ever stopped, nor called.
I am amazed thinking back at that. My mother would care sometimes ... then, her youngest sister would make her think I wasn't sick. Jealousy ... pure jealousy. Her youngest sister always was jealous of any of her sisters' children. Her tongue was her weapon ... mean, evil words came from her mouth ... yet ... she could say loving words, caring words that would melt my Heart.
She wanted her sisters to always have their attention on them. The good thing is I wasn't aware of this until several years later. My mother said her youngest sister would always call me 'The Queen'.I never became angry ... I could only feel deep sadness. I still loved her. I wanted her to love me, too. She secretly hated me, was jealous of me. I won't even go into things she did to hurt me, then pretend she never meant to. I wasn't the only daughter she did that to ...of her sisters' children.
I could keep on writing as more memories float to the surface like bubbles in the ocean. My writing begins to go on this path, that path in my life through time. I will stop here.
Sometimes, when I learn something in life ... or find out something it seems everyone knew but me ... I wonder if I hear echoes of laughter. Echoes of laughter fromt the graves of my ... loved ones.
Note by this Author:
Photo/story owned, written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
Grief, pain are old friends of mine ... I don't think I ever knew life without them after the age of nine. They were all I had to hold onto ... happiness were those brief times of sunshine in my life.
Happiness was something I always felt wasn't meant for me ... I used to think I wasn't good enough, important enough. I never take happiness for granted. I enjoy it for all it's worth when it happens in my life. :) It's sort of like when being a little girl ... I knew Barbie Dolls were for other little girls ... I knew somehow, they were never meant for me. I, also, knew that other little girls could be in the Brownies ... it wasn't meant for me to. I knew I wasn't good enough.
It's a good thing we grow up ... cope with painful things in life ... learn to live, handle all. I think I did well. :) That's why when I was beautiful in my younger life ... it meant the world to me ... I was 'good enough' for ... everything. I had everything and everybody liked, wanted me. Isn't life sad?
People love material things ... and if they think they can get something from someone ... they will grovel at their feet. Just watch beautiful, 'rich' people ... just watch yourself ... you will find that you do the same thing. Life is life ... it is what it is. You might not like it ... but, it's the way humans are.
Oh ... I wonder if I hear echoes of laughter from the graves of my loved ones? I remember being told as a beautiful, young lady I used to be told ... 'don't get so high up ... the higher you go ... the harder you fall'. I fell hard ... Ha! Ha! Ha!
Isn't life sad?
