Colors As I Go
grief (32) only child (4) Scary (2) Boiled eggs (1) Distrust (1) Don't call me Faye (1) Dying (1) I hate to be called Faye (1) I'm afraid of the dark (1) Middle age woman (1) Pain that reaches the soul.. can't be seen (1) Running (1) Where did my youth go? (1) dying in a beautiful way (1) life is fragile (1) light on my path (1) my son (1)
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Describing Shock of Learning Someone Had Died ...
Describing Shock of Learning Someone Had Died ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny
Someone has made a mistake. I will try to find out in a discreet way ... I don't want to hurt anyone by asking outright. If it's true ... oh my God ... people are hurting ... people are going through such undescribable grief, shock. I ... know how grief, shock feels.
No one needs a nosy-ass person asking questions ... it would be like a firecracker going off inside a quiet library ... a bull clomping through the house on a white carpet. It would be just damn awful ... and insensitive.
I'll look online to see ... I did ... the strange thing is I found the name of someone who died unexpectedly ... a year ago ... with the same name. I kept thinking ... okay, it is a mistake ... someone is talking about this person.
An hour or so later ... I looked online once again ... and there it is. It isn't a mistake. My Heart instantly fills with sorrow ... like when you fill your tank full of gas ... overfill your glass ... liquid spills over the sides.
I'm full of sorrow for someone who has passed away with so much in life going for them. Both Skip and I held such high regard for this person ... liked them a lot ... a whole lot.
Skip admired this person ... said this person's life was everything a life's plan should be ... this person had accomplished everything.
This person did everything in life a man should do. He excelled in all he did.
Academically ... military ... family ... this person did it all. He was someone in life ... one couldn't do any better. Not only that ... he was a witty, fun person to talk to. Also ... he 'was the sharpest knife in the drawer'.
In fact, I will say that it's rare I see Skip look up to, respect another man as much as he did this person. That made me know ... this person was special. I liked, respected him very much ... moreso ... Skip thought 'he was someone' ... that meant he ... really was.
All evening I kept feeling grief for his family, friends. When someone who is strong ... so alive, vibrant in life ... unexpectedly dies ... there's no way to describe in words what it does to the people left who loved them ... whose world that person was such a huge part of.
I know ... my only child unexpectedly died. He was so strong, alive ... so vibrant in life ... and like one of the legs on a table ... he was a huge part of mine, Skip's world. Not more than 3 weeks ago ... I almost lost 'another leg' on the table ... my world would have crashed. Skip almost died in the hospital.
Skip said it made him question his own mortality ... the person who died was so strong, healthy ... had a good life. It's hard to believe he died. Skip said here he was ... going through medical, financial, mental stress ... he made it through ... when he had a stroke, his heart rate went so low. He can't believe it. He thinks if anyone should have died ... it would have been him.
Below are my thoughts I can't say to this person ... so, I write them. Sometimes, I write to Tommy, my son ... how do we know that our words we write ... travel out through the universe ... doesn't also, travel to Heaven ... to be read, heard?
So in case ... I will write my words as well ... as think them. These are my words to this Special person.
To YOU ... May my words travel into the Universe, Heaven to you.
I can only think ... I am so, so sorry you are gone. We truly liked you very much. I'm so glad we had time to carry on a conversation the last time we saw you.
You were so funny ... and interesting to talk to. Skip and I went away from you ... glad to have talked to you ... saying what a wonderful person you were.
In my mind ... when I 'look back' ... seeing us all talking ... it's like seeing a flash of sunshine ... smiles, laughter. All good things ... we have a good memory of you. I feel the world lost a good person ... and Heaven gained someone who will help the sun shine brighter.
Skip was impressed, talking about how you did so much in your 'young' life ... he wished he'd went on to do such.
We will never forget you ... though it may seem we do. We never forget people who made us feel good ... happy to have met them. YOU were one of these people.
Note by this Author:
I promised to share grief whenever I experienced it ... this is grief for another person other than my Son. This grief is for a person who made an impression on both mine, Skip's life ... a good impression.
He made us glad to know him ... not everyone can say that. Anytime ... one can 'look back in their mind' when thinking of someone who has died ... see, sense sunshine ... that lets you know that person made a positive impact on your life.
My true words, thoughts ... and photo are written, owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.