Monday, March 27, 2017

We Went Home ... Home Is Where You Are

We Went Home ... Home Is Where You Are
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I am a spiritual being having a human experience ... take the body all is left is ... me. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I sit quietly in the darkness
Waiting ... waiting to see a shadow
In the light of my mind

In time I see a shadow appear
It walks toward me
I hear a familiar voice ... "Mama"

My old eyes fill with hot tears
That run down my cool cheeks
My lips tremble as I sob inside

Tears mixed with the happiest of smiles
In this old grieving mother's eyes
I reach with my hand toward the voice

Toward the most precious voice
A mother can hear
"Mama" ... my frail body shook harder

Son!  I couldn't speak but, my Heart could!
Tommy!  I'm so glad you came so I wouldn't be alone
It's time for your ole mom to come home

Please hold my hand so I won't be afraid
I felt my hand being held by a big, gentle hand
My son had come to walk me home

I looked around me as I sat up in bed
I leaned over to kiss Skip goodbye ... I didn't want to leave him
I patted Camie on her sweet head

I rubbed Kissy's hip with my bare toes
As he lay by my bedside faithfully
I felt overwhelming happiness in my Heart

Tommy and I walked hand in hand
We walked through the door toward a kennel
I wanted him to meet Dukester before I left

I kissed Dukester on his sweet, white head
It was time ... time to go home
I turned to look at where I had lived

Knowing now I wouldn't live here again ... I missed Skip!
I was going home even as I thought
My soul had departed my body once I took Tommy's hand

For a moment I felt such pain to be leaving
Leaving my husband and our Pups
I looked toward Tommy ... he smiled ... said

It's alright, mama ... you have to let go
Once you do ... you'll come back one day
To be there, hold your hand out so, Skip won't be alone

I felt the weight of this world slide from my shoulders
Around my feet like a heavy coat
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes ... held my son's hand

I kept my eyes closed ... I didn't feel the need to look
As we soared ... I could see everything
Sadness slipped away as I held my son's hand

Now ... it was time to see what the mystery of death
Was all about ... where my son had been all these years
As I wept, grieved over him when he died

I became the air ... the soft, gentle breeze you feel
On a warm day ... I am the sunshine kissing your cheek
On a cloudy day I'm your raindrops falling to the ground

I will hug you like a blanket when you are cold
I'll wrap my pure soul around you to keep you safe
I love you, Skip ... I'm always here until the day

You need to come home ... you won't be alone
I'll reach my hand out to you just as Tommy did to me
He'll reach for your other hand ... we will go home

We'll wrap our souls around our remaining Pups
Whoever cares for them will take good care
Love them until their last days

Until the day comes we will walk with them to Rainbow Bridge
We will run, play in pure joy as they become Angel Pups
To forever play, run in the sunshine ... frolick in the rain

I closed my eyes on this life ... this is the end
I opened my eyes on the other side
I was a spiritual being having a human experience

Time to strip myself of this body
It served me well ... took a lot of life's abuse
I learned life's lessons became a better soul

Now ... on to my next mission ... being a guardian angel
Protecting, watching out for animals and humans
Working at making life be good to them

No longer a grieving mother ... I left that behind like a dress
In the darkness as I waited for the shadow to appear
The moment my son took my hand in his

I close my eyes as I remember
I become a storm ... the clouds begin to billow
The wind gets high ... the trees bend from the force

Any pain left in my soul ... washed away
I became a gentle storm until I began to shine
I was the sunshine ... a smile in my eyes, face

He sat outside on the swing, swinging to and fro
Pups lay at his feet as he closed his eyes
I felt him thinking of me ... I knew it was time

My mind met his with such joy ... I saw his hand reach
Out to me ... I moved toward him ... took his hand
He said ... "I've been waiting for you to take me home"

I felt another being close by ... Tommy had come to hold
Skip's other hand ... we wrapped around each Pup
Left behind ... we took their sadness away before we left

The world dropped away ... we became fresh air ... sunshine
Each soul renews the earth in its own way ... this was our way
When you think of us in any way ... it's because we are always near

If you are ever crying ... you feel someone kiss a tear away
If you are ever hot ... you feel a breeze from nowhere
You feel a hug .... look around ... no one is there

This is where we are at ... you are never alone
We'll be right here .... one day you may wait to see our shadow
One of us, all of us will come to hold your hand

You won't never be alone even though you think you are
Close your eyes .... feel with your Heart
We are here all around you ... we've become

The air you breathe ... sunshine that kisses your cheek
We are everywhere watching over you
We went home ... home is where you are

Note by this Author:

I wrote this poem as I felt it while sitting here in the semi-darkness listening to music ... I happened to look up and saw the name of one of the songs I was listening to ... 'Take My Hand'.  I'd never heard it before ... it's New Age music ... I love it but, I'm not familiar with the songs enough to know any by names.

I don't know what happens when one dies ... so far I've never found 'Tommy', my son.  I've always kept an eye opened ... hoping somehow the mystery of where he went would be discovered.  I guess I hoped I'd find an invisible pocket in the air ... where I could 'slip' into ... find, visit him, come back. Life, death doesn't work that way.  Sometimes ... I write poems and 'I do' find Tommy ... they are my poems, writings ... so, I can do what I want to in them, right?  :)

Photos owned by me.  I never use anyone else's photos.  Pond photo is of the beautiful little pond where we live.  Shadow photo is of myself when I was admiring having a 'skinny' shadow after weight loss.  We all are silly sometimes ... this was one of my silly moments.   Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

The Girl and Her Dog

The Girl and Her Dog

Watching from a distance I witnessed the love a girl had for her dog. It was beautiful. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I was sitting at my desk
When movement caught my eye
I looked out my glass door
Saw a girl and her dog

She was walking in her yard
With her beautiful Rottie
She held her umbrella over her head
She was dressed in black

Her umbrella was black ... gray
The Rottie's collar was pink
The girl kicked a pine cone toward her dog
As the pine cone flew in the air

The Rottie jumped to grab it in the air
I sat at my desk looking out my glass door
Smiled as I watched the both of them
I was looking into their world while sitting at home

What a beautiful picture they made
It wasn't only the picture they made ... it was
The pure love a girl has for her dog
Pure love a dog has for its most important person

The rain came down harder
I had begun typing what I saw
Looked up ... the girl and her dog was gone
They'd given me a glimpse of pure love

As I sat at my desk looking out my glass door
I looked out the glass door once more
Yes, they are gone back into the house
To live their life while I sit here ... write, live mine

Note by this Author:

I sat here at my desk this morning ... looked out the glass door to see my neighbor walking with her dog in the rain.  She is more than my neighbor ... her dog is more than just my 'neighbor's dog'.

The girl is one of our closest friends ... her dog is one who is a part of our everyday life ... we visit her each day, keep an eye on their home ... bring her outside for a while while the girl works.  We love them as if they were close family.  We love the girl and her dog ... the one walking with a black/gray umbrella and the dog with a pink collar.

Poem dedicated to Chelsea King and Angel King.  Owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

The Pond

 Photo of the pond owned/taken by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I'm like a pond ... my surface full of beauty ... sky, trees, flowers. I hide all that is sad in me ... beneath the surface. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I look into the depths of the water
I see fish swimming below

Tadpoles of different sizes swim too
I saw the shadow of a turtle appear ... disappear

I sat down beside the pond to think
About how so much is below the water

Above the water I see all the beauty
Never seeing all beneath the surface

Only shadows of what is
Shadows that drift by as I watch

I think of myself ... grief ... happiness
Myself being the water in the pond

Myself as the pond
When you look at me you see the beauty

Of a good soul ... a sunshine smile
You never see what's below

Like the pond hiding all its wonders
Of what is ...what was

You never see the grief I feel every day
The invisible tears I shed

My smile, happy voice hides it all
As not to touch your life with my pain

Like the pond you can only see so far
Fish swimming happily along their way

A turtle drifts by ... tadpoles wiggle along
I smile because that's how I am ... like the pond

Note by this Author:

The pond fascinates me ... when I walk down to it I stand to see beneath the surface always looking for fish.  I watch to see what swims, drifts by.  I think a lot when I am at the pond ... compare it with how I feel.  No one ever knows what lies beneath the surface ... only what wants to come up to be seen is what you see ... just like me when I hide my pain, grief.  When you look at me ... you see what I want you to see ... on the surface you'll see a happy, sunshine smile even when I'm sad.  Why?  So as to not to touch your life with my pain.  When you come to read me ... you choose to walk in my world for just a time ... you choose to come read my pain ... without having to let me know you see it.  I hope somehow what you feel, think after reading all I've wrote ... could some day help in some way.  Maybe to see what a grieving mother goes through ... understand if you care about her.  Maybe ... a lot ... of things.  

Photo/poem owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

If I Were a Stone ... This Is The Stone I Would Be

Photo owned, taken by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... the odd stone.

If I were a stone on a wall ... I would be the different one. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I was getting ready to walk into a store
When I spotted the wall of stones

One stone fascinated me because it was different
It stood out to me begging to be photographed

I took my cellphone camera ... captured the image
So I could keep it forever

Who would stop to take a photo of one stone
Me ... of course

Why?  Because I asked myself a question
Which stone would ... I be ... on this wall of stones

I picked one stone that stood out to me
It was different ... white, soft colors of rust

The first stone on the left 7 rows down from the light
Do you see it ... see how different it is from the rest?

If I were a stone on this wall
This is the stone I ... would be

Note by this Author:

When looking at the wall of stones ... do you just see pretty stones/rocks?  Have you ever thought about ... being a stone?  Which stone would you be?

I'm always looking at things in a different way.  Looking at this beautiful wall of stones ... I wondered which I'd be ... the stone 7 rows down from the light fixture stood out to me.  

Photo ... poem owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

My Shadow Filled With Flowers

Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny ... my shadow filled with flowers

I was walking while enjoying the sunshine, breeze
When I happened to look down

I stopped ... tilted my head to look on the ground
My shadow lay there ... filled with little purple flowers

Tiny, delicate little flowers the name I don't know
I know that I loved seeing my shadow full of flowers

For some reason, it made me happy 
To see the purple, green ... my favorite colors

Fill something so personal ... my shadow
I took a picture to look at as it fascinated me

It's the first time in my life I ever entertained the idea
Of shadows being filled with flowers

Much less ...
My shadow filled with flowers

Note by this Author:

Have you ever stopped to see something in a new light?  Sure you have just as I did when I stopped to admire my shadow filled with flowers with my favorite colors ... purple and green.

I saw my shadow filled with flowers with my favorite colors of purple, green. It's the first time in my life I ever stopped to see such. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Sunday, March 5, 2017

ME ... In The Mirror

I've found 'ME' in the mirror again after 6 years of being a grieving mother ... I think Tommy is smiling from above just like the sunshine. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Photos of ME ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee on March 04, 2017 ... in the mirror.  I have found 'ME' again.  March 04, 2017 ... Saturday

I recognize the woman in the photos above ... that's ME!  I am so happy to see me once again.  I never thought I would.  I have taken the pieces left of a grieving mother ... put them together again ... and ... here I am :)  Just like ... Humpty Dumpty ... all the pieces are put together again.  Now ... I just need to polish me up here, there.

Of course, I am older ... my skin isn't as young as it used to be.  My face shows lines, age.  I have weathered many, many storms most people never experience in several lifetimes. I have been toppled over by the high winds of Life ... knocked down by the bolts of pure shock over and over ... my tears have been more than an ocean-full.

When you think of 'Me' ... see 'Me' ... remember when you look at me ... I'm all the pieces you see put back together again.  Think of a Redwood Tree ... beaten, whipped by all the past storms ... I am what is left standing with all my invisible battle scars.  I managed to stand through all the hellacious storms that have come my way.

I am like a Redwood Tree ... I'm still standing.  If you just knew ... you would never believe what this 'tree' has survived.  You would be utterly amazed.  When I look back to the little child I was at one time until now ... it's a wonder I lived with the things inflicted upon me ... little girl have died never getting to live with their secrets.  I am fortunate.

So when you look at me ... see my life battle scars ... the years gone by on my face ... my body ... just know this is all I've got left now ... and I'm doing the best I can to pick up all my pieces ... put me back together again.  It doesn't matter if no one else likes how I look now ... what does matter is I can accept me now ... I can recognize the person I was before I was beaten down to nothing from the storm of grief I survived.

I'm so happy with me today ... I'm so happy to see ME in my mirror again.

Note by this Author:

I can't tell you how true all my words above are.  I can't tell you the happiness I'm finding in looking like a human being again ... looking like someone I know in the mirror again.

One of the most awful things in life is looking in the mirror and ... seeing a stranger.  It's really scary ... to live inside of a stranger you don't know looking back at you.  Does that sound strange?

Just think how it would feel. I have looked for so long ... now ... I have found Me.  I'm older and not as pretty, youthful as I once was ... I don't care ... I'll take what's left now :)

Photos/true story owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

My Facebook Post This Morning


I was lost in the space of the big shirt you now see on my body. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Pups are fed breakfast ... I told Duke to get back into his cozy kennel cab with warm blankets ... he ran back and I reached in through the flap ... gave him his Oinkie to chew. He's so happy! I rolled his curtains up to let the sunshine kiss Duke's space warm today.<3

Kissy and Camie are in chew heaven this morning with their Oinkies. Both are laying near Skip so he can't move without them knowing it! <3

Yesterday a friend highlighted my hair! I PURE LOVE it! It's been a while since I've had that done. The Pups come first.

I looked in the mirror and smiled at myself this morning ... it feels so good to 'look like ME' again ... I've been looking so long. I'm thankful to have peace inside. Sometimes I feel Tommy is smiling at me ... before ... I couldn't feel that for seeing only my tears. <3

I feel he'd be proud of me today if he saw me <3 Sometimes I feel the most overwhelming sadness that Tommy is gone. I know this is normal. I miss him with my very Heart.

Once in a while I feel what I call 'the flutter of wings' in my stomach ... what I mean when I say that is like when birds are trapped in a cage and they panic to get out of the cage ... their wings begin to beat harder, harder to get out ... and begin to feel suffocation of being trapped in a space they need to be away from. I have to stop ... take deep breaths and get my mind on other things. I just felt the twinges of that feeling ... it's time to move to another subject <3

What a beautiful day it's going to be ... I feel there are happy surprises around the corner :) Isn't that a wonderful thought!? I'm moving forward ... never going backward into that darkness again. I truly am afraid of the dark ... more so ... since Tommy is gone. I keep my eyes on the light in my life, always going toward it. :)

Happy weekend! I send Love to all my Special Friends here! You have lifted me up so many times ... My Heart is always full of Gratitude <3 <3 <3Gloria Faye Brown Bates <3 <3 <3

You can see where 'I was lost' .... look at my shirt below in the photos! I can't believe it! I wore that big shirt just to see how it felt ... the sleeves are too long and you see all the 'space' around me :) <3 I don't make fun of it ... I know how it feels to 'be fat' ... I will never make fun of me being fat ... and NEVER make fun of anyone being 'fat'.

It hurts too bad when one wants to be smaller .... losing weight is the HARDEST thing one can do. I don't think I would be amiss in comparing it to quitting smoking ... quitting drinking ... quitting drugs.

Thankfully I don't have all those things to 'quit' ... the weight was enough. Don't think for one second just because you get the gastric sleeve surgery ... that you are magically going to lose all the weight while you eat .... you will never-ever do it.

I promise you from experience you ARE GOING to have to exercise, walk ... do your part. IT ISN'T THE EASY WAY OUT. Take this from someone who knows firsthand.

I can tell you that each morning when I shower ... I am PURE excited now to put my jeans on ... put a belt on. I love dressing again. The clothes I have now are getting too big but, I wear them with pride :) <3 I am trying to fill myself with all the happiness I can and guess what ... this happiness is 'free'. When I feel the sadness I know will come periodically from the loss of my son ... I want to have so much happiness inside that it will be easier to bounce back from. I mean to do that <3
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