Mom, I love you and wish I could have been there to help you the day you died.... all I have left is a recording of the last time you spoke to me.... it torments me so much. You were crying in a high-pitched voice (like keening) begging me to please help you... you kept saying 'Faye, please help me!' No one ever wanted to hear this recording and it did cause some reaction in people when I told them.... I still have it... it also, survived the housefire. I saw purple clothes in your closet 3 days after you died.................. Mama, you never asked me for help in your life... if I could have been there for you I would have been there as fast as I could. My mom died on a Saturday.. I was called to come get all her things by Wednesday..................
We were at Sam's Club where ironically I had bought a beautiful porcelain container with the Biscotti Biscuits in it... I had thought it looked like a urn while it sat in the cart we pushed around shopping...............................................
we came home to find your recorded message on our phone. The porcelain container didn't survive the housefire. My mom's ashes did survived the housefire.... though the container they were in was scorched... I'll never forget the horror I felt when we found them. That's gone now... they are safely in your Rose Chest... Mom loved roses, so did Grandma Alma.. so, do I. Mama, to this day I can't listen to the recording .. it tears my heart out of me... how I've grieved for you ..how I've thought and thought to what was happening to you to make you call me crying so desperately for help. I only have my imagination and what I've seen through the years to make me think I know what happened.
Actions speak louder than words .... also, people aren't what they always seemed to be..................... my mother ............ I know you were afraid when you died. I loved you so much.
One goes through life for many years believing someone loves them and they are trusted with one's very heart and knowing they are... forever. The awful thing is to find out that people you loved with your very life and appreciated all they ever did for you.... is a total stranger. Once that blind is removed from one's eyes......... one begins... connecting the dots.
Someone whom I loved with my very heart and meant the world to me...... fooled me for years. I thought that love was returned and it seemed to be.......... I'm sure my mama thought that too.
Something bad happened .. I don't know what... but, I know my mama was crying and afraid as she died ... crying out to me... on that phone. I can't tell you the grief in my heart since that evening... that message 'from the grave'.
Another strange thing here is.... that the phone call to 911 was 'before' the message... and on my message machine it was 'after'......... she died before the call, before they could get there.
My mama died on September 9, 2001... McKenzie was 1 year old, her great-granddaughter. She saw her one time in her life.
On September 11, 2001........... My Mother's Ashes and Terrorist Attack 9-11.........
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