DREAMS... DARK WORLD... ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

DREAMS... DARK WORLD... ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES aka GRANNY GEE

I was swimming down deep into the cave, someone was close by me, I couldn't see who. It seemed we were looking for bodies, hoping not to find one. We didn't.

We rose back up into the water to another cave opening ... we entered, searching. We never found a dead body.

I don't swim, I don't know where these caves are... unless, it's a subconscious thing. I was dreaming... it didn't seem a 'bad' dream. I wonder what it means? I do realize dreams have meaning... in this particular instance, I can't imagine what.

Tommy used to deep-sea dive, his wife learned to dive as well. I'm sure Taban would have learned to dive if Tommy lived. He wanted his son to learn and be aware of all the wonderful things he could accomplish in his life. Tommy wanted to groom his son to be 'somebody' who could take care of himself, have everything he desired. I hope and pray Taban's mother will do these things.

I wonder if my dream had something to do with Tommy? I know my story this morning was about 'touching that pain deep down into my soul'.... I wonder if I was in 'my mind' searching, looking for something? I wonder.............................................................

When I dream I normally see colors, happy colors. My dream last night was in dark colors, no happy colors at all. This was a black and white dream... something I don't recall dreaming in. Yes, I do wonder.... if 'I visited deep down into my soul'.... is it possible? I wish I knew more about these things. I only know alittle about 'alot'...

I know while I was 'swimming' and searching.... I was very careful 'where' I 'let my eyes look'. Does that make sense? Maybe I was afraid I would be hurt, afraid, maybe.... drown again... in my own grief?

Whatever it all was... I made it back to where my world is again colored with the colors of 'everyday'. I'm so thankful to be out of that dream. I think I was getting afraid... because in the back of my mind ... I 'knew that I didn't know how to swim'.... I 'could drown'.

I must 'do know how to swim alittle'... I swam enough to grab each lifesaver, each lifeline thrown to me... even as my hands slipped off them... I would reach for another. I didn't give up, though for a time I 'just wanted to stay'... I had no thoughts at that time... it was too dark to 'see'... I no longer felt .... anything.

'Baby Girl, Monst'.... I could hear Skip and recognize his voice calling to me. I could hear but, I couldn't see. His kind voice so full of caring, love, concern would call to me, I would feel his hand shake me gently to see if I was okay, still breathing.

If my eyes opened and I could see at that moment... I would see his eyes .... afraid for me. I couldn't do anything more... I was in the dark world where I stayed for some time. I didn't think, I couldn't afford to. The medicine kept me in a dark cocoon where I wasn't warm, cold.... where 'I wasn't anything'. I was...................

The only nicknames I've ever had were 'Doodles' because of constantly doodling, drawing. The two most special nicknames Skip calls me are..... 'Baby Girl' and 'Monst' (short for... monster).

These are the two names I would hear in that darkness.... 'Baby Girl, are you alright? Monst, are you alright?'

The dream I had last night brought these thoughts to mind as I've thought about them all morning. I have no idea what my dream meant.... I would be interested in what anyone else thinks.

I'm glad Skip kept calling to me, I'm glad I'm this far in time. I'm far enough from that black, dark sea of grief where I had to grasp at lifesavers to stay afloat.... I will be alright now... even if there are times 'it seems I'm not'. Life is like that... everything's going to be alright. It always is... when enough time passes by where one 'knows it can be now'. There will always be moments...........................................................................................................