By Gloria Faye Brown Bates aka Granny Gee
I was thinking of going to the ocean to walk on the sand in the moonlight... to the place I haven't been ...yet.
I wonder if I could see the place in the air ... where Tommy left this world? Is it an invisible door... could one feel the door handle if they felt the air?
I wonder if I knocked... would Tommy come to answer it ... just for a moment? Just long enough for me to see his smiling face, his blue-green eyes... and to say 'I love you'....... I miss you, Son.
I wonder when I will 'go there'... would I sit on the sand where I would sense he left at? I know I would weep quietly in my heart, my soul. I just can't forget you, son... you were so real.
I look at my picture of you... it sits on the special chest I have your things in. I wish I could sit down, take all those things out.. to hold, to touch them gently. I just can't... not yet. I wonder when I will be able to?
Would I feel your spirit come to hug me like a gentle breeze... would the moonlight shine on me with your smile... would I hear in the ocean waves the sound of your soft voice saying 'it's going to be alright, mama, nothing can hurt me now'... 'I love you, mama... don't hurt, be at peace in your heart'. I wonder...........
I wonder when I can go... to the place you made your exit from this world? I wonder if I looked up, all around... if I tried very hard to sense ... to feel... would somehow you 'be there'?
I watch Ghost Whisperer, I try to imagine ... I look hard into the air to see if I see you. But... you are not there. Maybe I watch tv too much, or wish too hard..........
I miss you, Tommy. I love you, Son. No... I'm not crazy from grief... I just honestly miss my son, my child... Tommy.
I ... just miss... you, Tommy.
I can vouch that you are not crazy! Anyone that has lost a child (no matter the age) knows what you have been through and are still going through. I know how close you and Tommy were. He definitely loved his Mama!!! I lost my nephew and we were close and I know how I still hurt and miss him. So, no I won't say I know how you feel because I don't. I just know how much I still hurt and long for my nephew. He has been gone for 8 years and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I do have better control of myself now but the pain is still there. So don't let anyone say anything about the way you feel, hurt or how much you love Tommy. (Notice that I put that in a "present time" because your love for Tommy will never go away) All we can do is pray for each other and allow God to help heal our pain. Love, Ms. Nancy
ReplyDeleteMs Nancy, I know how you hurt for your nephew, I've known about him all these 8 years, though I never met him. He would be so honored to know his Aunt Ms Nancy loved him so much... I feel he knew, you showed him with your love.
DeleteI am sorry about your loss. I'll keep you in my prayers.He sounds like a wonderful son.
ReplyDeleteThank-you, Laurie. He was a golden, gentle giant of a guy with a big heart.
DeleteHi Gloria,
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you are now following my blog...thank you! I decided to check out your blog as well...never realizing how my heart would be touched so deeply by a beautiful tribute to your son. He sounds like a wonderful man and a devoted father...how blessed you were to have had him with you for 40 years...now he is the angel watching over you and your grandchildren until you meet again one day...
I hope you enjoy visiting my blog and come back any time!
Take care,
Donna L Martin
www.donasdays.blogspot.com
Donna, I'm glad you visited my blog. I have enjoyed reading some on yours. Your written words are beautiful... I can 'see them in my mind'... making what I read ... into a picture. I will be back to keep reading. Come back to mine anytime, also. Gloria :)))
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