Was I Bad In My Other Life?

Was I Bad In My Other Life?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Talking when upset at the other
Saying things not meant to hurt, but... do hurt
Feeling pain in one's heart
Tears fill the eyes, thoughts run through one's mind

A great sadness like a dark cloud hovering above you
You want to just give up, how can you make someone see
Love... caring.... that they are someone you think special
How do you force the blinders off someone's eyes?

Blinders that they are born with, inherited
From generations before them?
Once in a while comes some one who manages to escape
Being trapped into a narrow tunnel vision world

One who is different, but no better, just your average person
The difference is that they can 'see, hear, feel' things
That no one else in their family can
They are different, family members don't like that

Therefore, one different person becomes an outcast
Alot of family respects them, but... don't like them
They 'see, hear, feel' things too much
If they were 'bad', they'd be liked more

Once in a while, with happiness they discover
Among their family members... hey, there's someone alot like me!
They are drawn to them like a moth is drawn to light
They want so much to be loved, accepted

The trouble will begin... this is too good to be true
No one in this family can be real, nor can they truly love, care
They must be pretending, wanting something from the other
No... wait a minute... I think this 'could be' real

No... someone takes things too personally when it isn't meant to be
Meaning alot of times... they were looking for something to begin with
To make themselves hurt, be sad... so, they don't speak ever again
That's the kind of family I know about, I've seen

Always for 'self', always for the dollar
Love coming in second-place, if ever
So, when I see real families, I watch them with fascination
I listen to the beautiful 'family sounds', I 'feel' them in my heart

How fortunate they were born without the blinders I took off my eyes
Took off as life's lessons taught me well
Love is most important in this world in everyday life
Now... everyone is gone... love ... is still here

Today I see real families, I appreciate something I never had
I try to 'see, hear, feel' ... them with my very heart
For a short time I become a part... of them
I feel the warmth coming from them like standing before a fireplace

When the moment passes... I feel cold again
I have walked away from the warmth of the fireplace
I wish to go back, to feel it forever
In this life, it wasn't meant to be... was I bad in my other life?

Is that why I only got to feel such special love in rare moments
Once in a while a family member would throw me a tidbit
Just as you'd throw a treat to a puppy
Make me feel loved ... just long enough

To trap me in the spider web of a Black Widow spider
To be snared to endure whatever came my way
To be forced into submission, to bow down
To look up to the one doing it... who can feel like someone if I do

For a moment ..I look back trying to make sense
Of things sense can't be made of
It doesn't hurt me now at all
I look back out of curiosity ... I connect the dots

I wonder about reincarnation... you know karma, and such
In this life I was family-deprived
Does it mean that in my other life I had family, didn't appreciate them
Was I bad in my other life?

One can be glad to be older, there are many layers to go through
To find that pain now, it no longer hurts
I mean sometimes it does, but... don't I deserve it?
Was I bad in my other life?

Note:  I don't personally feel this way... I don't feel I deserve pain, grief in my life.  I
              feel that it's all life lessons to make me a better person, a compassionate, caring
              person.  I'm so thankful to have Skip and my Pups, Kissy and Chadwick in my life.
              :)))  I'm connecting dots in life..............................................................................
              seeing 'if the shoe fits'.............................. Maybe, maybe not... maybe so...........