Gloomy Thoughts On A Dreary, Gray Day...

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee... 2012

Gloomy Thoughts On A Dreary, Gray
Day...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I laughed, talked with you today
I didn't feel like it, but... I did
Pretended to be just fine, but, I'm not

The sky is so dreary, gray
Clouds threaten to rain
On this gloomy day

I drank a chocolate peppermint latte
That you made for me
It was so hot, comforting (thank you, Becca :)))

I took that away with me
As I went about my business
On this cloudy, gray day

Tears are in the back of my eyes
Sadness in my heart
Today is the day my cousin died

Eight years ago in a terrible crash
A log truck hit her car head-on
She never knew, it happened so fast

I was thinking of you today, Sylvia
I hope you rest in peace
I'm sending you love on this cloudy, gray day.

I send my thoughts, love through the air
To join the others I know are thinking of you today
I didn't get a chance to say thank you

On that fateful day
Thank you for helping us, going out of your way
When our home burned down just days before

Before you left to go to a new home
The grief I felt from all that happened doubled
The day a log truck hit you

Rest in peace, Sylvia
I was thinking of you
On this dreary, cloudy day

****************************************************************
Note:
Sylvia had been helping us, bringing us things we needed to begin our life again.

The last time I saw her, she came to our new home.  I let her sit in my rocking chair, I sat on the floor.  We didn't have furniture yet... we lost all in a house fire that destroyed our belongings.


The fire was caused by old wiring in the house that had never been replaced.  The box was new, the wiring old.  We lived in an old historical house.  We didn't own, we rented.


The owner told me he would make it up to us, sadly... he died within weeks of that day.  His family, all moved away.  When we moved there, he told us to not worry about renter's insurance... we didn't.  We lost everything.  His family 'forgot' us...


We found out later Sylvia had gone to great lengths to get things from their church to give us... money, household things.  Her caring lived on for a time after her death.  Thank you, Sylvia... for caring when you didn't have to.


We hadn't been close through all the years, as I was always a long ways away.  Just a few days before her death... we promised we would be close 'the rest of our lives.'  We were for a few days... until the rest of her life ...came.  When she died, we were friends.


Just a couple of months prior, her oldest brother, my cousin... Ray, died.  They say he committed suicide.  I have no way of knowing anything since I wasn't close to him in our growing up years either.  I heard the rumors, though.  I have to say .... I can't imagine him doing such a thing.


We were children together, all of us... we were like brothers, sisters in our childhood days.  We all suffered so much as children... all in different ways.


Several months after Sylvia's death... my brother, Rick-Rick died ... my heart stayed broken... never getting a chance to mend.  My brother died of ... drug overdose.


I'll never forget my brother, Rick-Rick.  He was always there for me when no one in my family was.... I saw him cry over me.  I know this one brother loved me.  We had a bond.


Rick-Rick died May 19, 2005 ... I just thought of something strange...  May 19, 2009 is the date the man stepped out in front of Tommy's truck ...stepped out of his car in all the fast-moving traffic on the Hernando De Soto Bridge connecting Tennessee, Arkansas... the man Tommy hit with the big truck... the horrible accident that led up to my son's death.

I have lived in 'perpetual grief' since 1998.  I know grief very well, it has become my permanent companion, yet ... I still smile.


I write about sad things ... I still find good in my life.  I write what I know best ... it has been mostly sadness, grief, pain ... I know these things well, I have experienced them, lived all.  Since being a baby ... I have shed a lot of tears ... I've known so much ... death, bad things.


Don't feel sorry for me ... I write my pain out here.  I write for all to be read, hoping my words will help someone, hoping my grandchildren will later read to know 'me' through my words, where I come from.  Know what kind of person I was, Tommy was, Grandpa Skip was......


I felt like crying today ... I did for a short time.... it didn't help....


Still..... somehow, I know everything is going to be ... all right.  :))) Granny Gee