Give Me A Double-Fish Sandwich With Cheese, Please

Tommy had been painting ...when this photo was taken....... I miss my funny son.  He could make me laugh ... a lot.

Give Me A Double-Fish Sandwich With Cheese, Please...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


Skip and I decided we'd go to McDonald's to have lunch yesterday... we were talking about Tommy, Skip decided he'd love to have one of Tommy's favorite sandwiches.

We decided to get a double-fish sandwich with cheese.  We drove to our favorite McDonald's located in Louisburg, N.C.  We ordered our sandwiches.  We also, ordered French fries, and drink.

This particular McDonald's is our favorite because everyone takes pride in working there.  It reflects in their clothes... their smiles, and how clean the restaurant is.

I love walking into the restaurant...  I love opening the door to the aroma of fresh coffee, and toasted bread.  It's like somewhere I loved as a child... I just can't put my finger on it.  It's a cozy, comforting scent... one of my very favorites.

Tommy used to love double-fish sandwiches with cheese.  In fact, he told Skip and I about them, how good they are with cheese.  We've eaten them ever since.  We eat them now, to remember Tommy... today... we remembered Tommy when we sat there enjoying the sandwiches.

I told Skip if anyone ever remembered us when we are gone, like we've remembered Tommy ... that would mean we were loved.  We loved Tommy very much.

I kept thinking of something his wife used to tell us about, it was very funny.  I laughed then, I think of it,  I laugh now... it's so 'Tommy.'

She said he'd drive thru the 'drive thru', begin talking in a 'silly-goofus' voice... ordering 'a big ole sweet tea' in a very southern accent mixed with the accent he had from growing up in the NC mountains, she would tell how she would laugh at him.  It was funny!  Not only would she laugh, they would hear laughter from inside.

I sit here thinking of how he'd mimic the cowardly lion on Wizard of Oz, and mimic Billy Bob Thorton... I really loved to hear him do that, I would laugh a lot.

I watched something on tv this morning ... a golfer made a hole, then... he went into a dance from sheer happiness.  Tommy would have danced like that guy did... it was a victory dance, so funny, so... cute'.  Both Skip and I watched, and agreed Tommy would have done that.  :)))

I'm going through a period of time that I am remembering Tommy, hearing him in my mind, looking at his photos not believing he's not... here.  It's hard to believe someone so full of life could be ... gone.

I still don't know how other grieving mothers grieve... all I share with you is 'from this grieving mother.'  Tommy died on May 29, 2010... it really hurts just as bad now.

Tears are as close as a blink of an eye... and a thought.  That's how quickly grief happens with me.  For the moment, I cry a lot of tears... on the inside.  When I'm by myself ... I cry a lot of tears both inside, outside.

I feel the feeling to just scream with anger that Tommy's gone, strike out at I don't know what... sometimes.  Other times, I feel like I want to throw myself on the bed... weep, sob forever.  I think sometimes, I cry in my sleep ... I see it on my face when I wake up.  I wonder if I did last night... my face makes me think that I did .... looking at it in the mirror, today.

The strange thing is... I dreamed of Victoria Fairchild, my main character in my book, last night.  I wonder if I dreamed of Tommy, too?  My face reflects pain, grief today ... I see it when I look into my eyes... I feel head-achy, tears aren't far from the surface.

Tommy was so real to me, so 'Tommy'... do you know, I just miss him so much.  I feel those hot tears in my eyes, they burn my cheeks as they fall.  I do feel mad because he is gone.  My head aches really bad.

I just shared more grieving moments from this grieving mother over her child.  I wanted to tell you exactly how it feels ...  

We did smile, when we got our double-fish sandwiches with cheese at McDonald's.  We ate it in memory of ... Tommy.  I miss you, Son...  I smile thinking about you.  I will never forget you.