She Closed Her Eyes... Tried To Die Again

She Closed Her Eyes... Tried To Die Again
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


Young Granny Gee/Gloria

She sat on the floor, scissors in hand
The photo album lay on her lap
Memories looked up from the pages
She couldn't see for the tears

Seven years of her young life were wasted
It's come to this, it was time to let go
Time to say goodbye, she couldn't take anymore
She took the last of the pills, drank the glass empty

Her shoulders shook with her sobs
Tears flowed on the photos of happy faces
From a face that was far from happy
Death was near, waiting for her to fall asleep

Death would claim her, take her away
To a place she'd never come back from
It's the end... she couldn't bear life anymore
He did that to her... his love killed her

He put a young girl out in the countryside
Forgot her as he went on to live, play
She sat there day after day... all alone
No one to talk to, no one around

He'd come home to tell her about his fun
He was having every day; he'd get up, leave
Never looking back to see what he'd done
Each time he left, he took more of her life

He was her world, he'd made her dependent on him
There wasn't anyone else in it... she was alone
When he became bored, he left to play
The home became a box he kept her in

Put up until he came back, decided he wanted to play
With her... she was his personal possession
He wouldn't share her with the world
He kept her shut up in ... darkness

She could walk outside
But, in her mind she was in a prison
She couldn't go anywhere, unless she walked
No town for many miles away

She cried, beat her head against the wall
Just a young girl who loved life
Yet, life was taken from her
Taken was the spark in her eyes, smile from her face

She became the living dead, having to feel
Pain every day of her young life
If she was dead... she didn't want to feel pain
Let Death come embrace her in its arms

She could close her eyes in peace
No more torment, no more lies
No more being alone, no one to hear her cries
As her eyes became unfocused, she saw a happy smile

On the photo in her hand, she cut it into tiny pieces
The pieces fell onto a bigger pile in between her legs
Where she sat in the middle of the floor
Her legs Indian-style, her head bowed

She sat there until she slowly ... fell forward
Her hands relaxed, the scissors fell
She became conscious for a moment
Enough to gently fall to the carpeted floor

Death came, looked at her
Death turned its head this way, that way
Even Death has a heart, sometimes... it won't take
A young life away, especially this young girl's

She's only lived sixteen years, has seen only hell
Now, she'd been put up in a box, the lid closed
Her home, her box... was nice, clean, pretty
There was only sadness, unhappiness here

Death decided to play with her
Let her come to just enough to let her move
Without being aware, she crawled a little ways
Toward the door, somehow managed to push it open

She lay still once again, came to enough to crawl out on the porch
Her body lay there, she was dead
No thoughts went through her head, she didn't know she moved
It crawled once again, fell off the porch onto the ground

She lay in the darkness of Death
Pain began to get to her mind, though she didn't recognize
It for what it was... her eyes began to flutter, light seeped in
She lay there, couldn't move

She opened her eyes slowly, saw grass
As sensation crept back into her body, the pain became stronger
She still didn't know its name
She heard someone crying... she heard that pain

Crying from the very depths of one's soul
She began to realize it was herself
Crying because she loved with her heart
She'd never felt so alone... no one to care for her

She was still a child, ran away too young to marry
Always lived in town life... never like this
Never without adults around, never mind how they treated her
She closed her eyes... tried to die again

No thoughts, she was gone again... held in Death's arms
Death looked at her, felt for her
He looked at her pretty, young face red from grief, pain
Still wet with tears... she was beautiful in death

Let her come back once more to see what she'd do
She again became aware of something touching her skin
Her hand slid across the grass to her face
Touched her cheek, felt the breeze gently blow, dry her tears

I want to get up, I want to live
Her body didn't move, only her eyes did
The white clouds in the sky ... the blue, blue sky
Green grass in front of her eyes

Pain, stinging pain over her body
What could it be... a thought came into her mind
Ants were stinging her back to life
Coaxing her to get up, get up... it's time to live

Her body wouldn't move, it was heavy
Death had almost claimed her, gave her a break
Held her in its arms, looked down into her face
I'll let you live... who knows what life'll bring your way

Death released its grip a little more, the young girl began to move
She was trying to get up off the ground
Her body fell back once again... too much effort
She felt sick... she remembered the bottle of pills

Too weak, she laid on the ground
Her mind became stronger, I want to get up!
Death smiled at her in a gentle way... she's fought hard
To live, even while she tried to die

She sat up, felt sick to her soul, I'm too tired to live
It was easier to fall back to the ground
She looked at the grass, laid back down
She closed her eyes... tried to die again