By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee..... 2014 'Just A Doodle by Gloria'.............
Look at my face... what do you see
Do you see kindness looking out at you
Or, do you see the sadness in my eyes
Do you look past the kindness, sadness
To see the tears in my mind, see my grief
That's tucked deep back inside my ... soul
I don't think you do... I don't let you see my eyes
Long enough... to look deep inside of me
Too emotional... intimate to let strangers look
Look at my private thoughts, grief ... embarrassing
Embarrassing to let you see that I hurt
Hurt for the loss of my only child... my son
Grief is a strange emotion... happy one moment
Crying the next ... angry... helpless
Helpless... because what am I going to do
All things are possible... no, they aren't
I can't bring my son back... he's dead, gone forever
Move that mountain with faith
All the faith in the world can't make Tommy come back
He's not going to rise from the ashes
His ashes... sadly, Tommy's not coming back
No matter how positive I am... how much faith I have
I can't raise the dead... I have to learn acceptance
Learn acceptance... learn to live my life without my only child
Live life to the fullest... or choose to lay down, live like I'm dead
Until the day comes for me to die... which do I choose
I choose to live life to the fullest... to feel pain, cry if needed
Be sad, happy, excited... feel everything life has to offer
I loved my son... he knew it... thankfully I saw him
Saw him the evening before he died... I have his smile to remember
I have his voice to remember, saying... 'Mama, these are the best sandwiches I've ever eaten'
See his beautiful eyes smiling that sunshine smile, hear his laughter
As he took big, happy bites of the sandwiches I made for him
I know they weren't the best sandwiches he'd ever eaten
But, they were at the moment he savored them
How did he know to leave me a happy memory to make me smile
Make me smile, comfort me... in all these days after his death
How many times have I said, "Thank-God"?
I'm so fortunate to have such happy thoughts in my mind
Some people don't, you know... they are tormented by theirs
Mine comfort me.... I am so thankful
Thank-you, Tommy... thank-you my precious son
I should have died before you, my child
Preparing you, I was... to not be sad if I died before you
Who would have thought to prepare... me ... for the loss of my child
We live... we die... knowing our children will carry on
We leave them good memories, and impart the knowledge we have
For them to live the best lives they possibly can
How many of you... ever prepared yourself for your child to die
It's not the way it's supposed to be
We don't die before our children do... how can 'we' be carried on
The death of a child causes a link in the chain to be broken
One that can never be repaired... always be weakened
To their children, if the mothers are selfish, uncaring
Uncaring until... the day comes, their children show them the same
The same love, compassion shown to the grandparents of their parent who died
Do you believe in an eye for an eye... tooth for a tooth?
If you dish it out... should you be able to take it back
Take it back... feel what it feels like... feel the pain
You know... 'don't dish it out... if you can't take it'...
I don't really wish that... I have too much love in my heart
To waste time wishing bad things on someone, to hate, be uncaring
I've learned to live life by almost dying myself several times
I've learned a lot about living... what's important in life
It's not about material things... and God knows I've 'had it all at one time or other in the past'
It's not keeping up with the Jones... being rich (though, being rich can be wonderful doing special things for people; making dreams come true)
No... that's not what life is about... not material things, money
You won't believe the simple things life is really about, cost nothing
Love, caring, compassion... all required... is a Heart
I know for a fact that Tommy loved you with more than his heart! He loved you with all his being. He also loved Skip! I had heard him say (more than one time too) that he no one better mes with his Mama and Skip. They would have to deal with him and they didn't want to do that! You are right. I think parents should not have to go before their child. The Bible says our days are numbered. Sometimes God needs other angels so He takes the younger ones. I believe wiht all my heart that Tommy is with God. We will see him again some day. Love, Ms. Nancy
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