By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Something has happened to me ... I can't explain it. I can only describe it.
For the past several weeks, I've been experiencing this feeling I haven't known in a long time.
What is it? I think I know ... because I actually am ... using the word that I ... myself ... can't believe my mouth is saying. I am ... I am ... Well, I am ... I wonder, should I tell you?
Each morning ... I wake up with this new feeling I haven't known in 4 years. I wonder if it's okay to feel this way ... now? You know, my only child died ... do I have a right to say ... I am ... ?
Can one be ... _______ , grieve at the same time? Is it possible? I've worked very hard on my own to cope with my grief ... I've never talked to anyone about my grief. I don't share things, easily.
Thankfully ...through the past 4 years, I've had you (yes, all my followers/readers). You've 'been there' for me ... encouraged me ... and let me have an outlet for all the ugly grief, pain that filled my insides ... like a balloon full of helium.
Skip, our Pups ... my whole world in this world ... have been there. I never worried Skip with my grief ... I just didn't talk about how it really felt. I could only write about such feelings ... I've never felt such pain, unhappiness ... in my whole life.
My son, my only child ... is gone. He died ... he really died. I really got 'the phone call' ... every parent doesn't ever want to get. Tommy was forty years old when I got it ... Tommy collapsed at the beach on the sand ... with two blockages to his heart. No one knew ... I was two hundred miles away ... I was the first one to know.
Now ... 4 years later ... it's like a dream. I don't cry like I did for the past 3 years ... Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I grieve, cry for the rest of my life? Should I even be feeling ... what I've felt for several weeks? Is it a shameful thing to be ______ ? Would Tommy think ... I didn't love him ... to feel this way?
I'm going to say the word that will tell you what I've been feeling for several weeks, now. HAPPY ... is the word that describes what I've been feeling for the past several weeks ... the first time since Tommy died. So ... HAPPY ... maybe I should be hung out on a stake, burned? Is it okay to feel ... HAPPY? Is it?
I'm going to say it once more ... I have felt such HAPPINESS for the past several weeks ... I'm actually using/saying the word ... HAPPY ... it's truly amazing to feel such a beautiful feeling!
I've been so HAPPY for the first time in 4 years ... since the day I got ... 'the phone call'.
Photos/story are owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee &grannygee
Yes it is ok to be happy!!! I know Tommy would want you to be happy. No you shouldn't keep crying all the time-----once in a while is ok to cry----simply because you are human. I know my nephew isn't the same as a person's child but we were very close. My nephew and I were very close and once in a while I still cry because he is gone and I know he isn't coming back. I know he would not want me to cry. He would tell me, "Aunt Nancy don't cry! I am in heaven with Jesus and having a great time!" I will see him again one day so I remind myself of that and I get ok. I too become "happy" because I know my nephew is so much better off in heaven and I will see him again one day. So yes---it is ok for you to feel "Happy" again. Tommy would want you to be happy. Love, Ms. Nancy
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