Dusted Memories ... Go Away

Dusted Memories ... Go Away
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

Dusting off memories from storage
In the back of my mind ... I take several out
To examine, look at ... to connect the dots

Connect the dots from events in my life
To tie in things to make them make sense
Too many mysteries ... takes time to connect

Many things don't seem to be related
Until ... looking very closely ... ah-hhh, there's the connection
Hints, clues pointing to where the next line is drawn

Most people have a normal life
You live each day in a good way, you raise your children
Go to church, go on vacation ... you are family-oriented

My life has never been that way
Oh, I got a little taste now and then to see
See for a very short time ... how this feels, how that felt

My life would make a very interesting movie
One I wouldn't want the world to know
Too much grief, too much pain ... too many secrets

Secrets I will carry to my grave ... never talk about
I force myself to forget ... as time goes on, I do
Until all becomes a memory, stored in my mind

Rarely, do I take certain memories out, I can't
Pain unlike you've ever experienced if you've lived a normal life
You can't ever understand ... you wouldn't believe

Experiences most women never have ... I have
Many bad things have happened in my life ... I am still here
Standing here like a Redwood Tree ... silent, strong, weather-beaten

Inside my bark, limbs, leaves are many memories
From storms gone by, storms you've never known the likes of
Here, I sit ... dusting memories off ... I wonder if I can look

Some memories go back, too painful for me to bear
Like the gold/red upholstered chest in my art room
Tommy's chest ... I want to look inside ... I can't

The light-weight lid isn't heavy ... I can't lift it
I'm not strong enough, yet ... but, I'm strong enough to pick it up
I may die of pure grief if I open it up ... there's things in there

I can't touch, I can't face ... they are in a little pastel, green box
Photos ... of my son ... laying in under the light ... in a coffin
Memory of my hand touching his head ... oh my God, the back of his head

A mother's fingers touching a place she shouldn't have found
Little hard places, what are they?  Oh my God, stitches ... a scar
From the autopsy ... I was grieving so much, I forgot

My Heart is dripping tears inside ... warning, I might drown
Drown in my own grief in front of everyone ... all you see is a smile
Never knowing what's in my mind ... my grieving mother's mind

What a happy, beautiful smile I have ... one to put you at ease
Making you know somehow, all is going to be all right
Not a care in the world ... you don't see a thing

All I do silently ... is invisible; I'm the greatest magician in the world
I can do many things in front of you, you never see
My mind is busy as it dusts the memories off ... from the past

Guess what memory this is, what that is ... oh, you can't see
I am the greatest magician, not only that ... greatest poker player
You can't see anything I do ... because I have the best poker face

I have played the cards of life ... I have won a few, lost a lot
I'm not bitter ... I've learned life's that way
Life, death, secrets will ... go with me to my grave

Life, death, secrets ... strange things that make a great movie
Can never be told, never be shared in this life
It's time to put these dusted memories back in place

Emotions, sick feeling inside ... these weren't the memories
I wanted to remember ... sometimes, it happens this way
Dusted memories ... go away



Note by this author:    Don't feel sorry for me ... I am still standing ... everything is all right.

Photos are of my artwork, myself, Tommy's Chest ... poem written from feelings ... from a deep place inside me.  All are owned by me... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee