Tonight Has Been A Night of Sitting Here in my Thoughts ...

                                    By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

This is one of those nights where one sits, thinks about the past things one has done.  I was sitting here thinking about the 3 books that I self-published.  I've made very little money off them ... very, very little.

When I wrote I Cry For Tommy ... I never thought about money.  The book is 'full of pure grief' ... and I don't know now ... who in the world would buy a thick book full of pure grief?  I can't even remember writing that one book ... at all.  Isn't that awful?

  

My second book is just a little, thin introductory book to Victoria Fairchild, my main character.  She is a very unusual person who does very strange things, especially when it comes to people who harm homeless people, and animals.  After she takes care of them ... I don't think they ever want to harm another person, animal.  This book ... I was playing with it, hoping to start a series.

I'm working on a longer book, which is book 2 ... The Saga of Victoria Fairchild.  Gracious, who knows when I'll finish that ...  The name of the first book is When She's Good, She's Good.  I think now ... I would change my mind on the title I made up.  You live, and learn.

My 3rd book, Camie's Angel ... didn't turn out to be what I wanted it to be.  I wanted it to be more of a children's book.  It didn't turn out that way ... it was more real life about rescuing a little, dying puppy ... our Precious Camie (Precious Camo).  Mostly, I wanted to write about her ... she almost wasn't here.  

People left Camie to die ... she had demodectic mange ... she couldn't get well without medical help. The people didn't have money to take her to the vet ... I rescued her from the cold, wet ground.  She had no hair, and was bleeding, oozing clear liquid from her skin.  Maggots fell off her little body when I picked her up. It took months and months to get her to where she is, now.  She will need medical care the rest of her life.  

I was sitting, thinking about how both our dogs, Kissy and Camie, need so much medical care now ... if my books would sell ... I would be able to pay for it all, myself.  They haven't sold, and I've had to ask for donations to help Camie, whom I rescued ... and Kissy, our Rottie ... who just had an almost $3,000 surgery.  

Tonight, I was just sitting here, in my own thoughts.  I wish, I wish, I wish ... you know how it is to wish many things.  

I may have not sold many books, I am proud to have copyrights to my books.  I am waiting for the 3rd copyright to come in the mail anytime, now... for Camie's Angel.  I have registered 3 copyrights at the Library of Congress.  At least ... I have that.  :)

What my books did do, though ... is to cause some people not to like me, anymore.  I'll never forget the shock of how I was treated when I first mentioned my published books to people 'who had always been my friend' ... it was awful.  Of course, feelings changed permanently ... I won't ever look at them the same.  The pain was great ... I won't ever forget how bad that felt.

I think some people thought I was 'imagining I wrote a book, published it' ... when they found out about the book I Cry For Tommy.  Everyone knew how I loved my only child, my son ... Tommy.  

I think (I know) that people thought I had 'lost it' ... when they found out I wrote that book.  If you could have experienced what I experienced from one woman in particular ...  you would have been devastated.  I forgave ... I know she thought my mind was gone from the grief from the loss of my son.

Anyway ... tonight has been a night of  ... sitting here in my thoughts.