By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
Photo of first brace put on my leg at hospital ... Skip was holding the crutches, I was in wheelchair on October 3, 2015.
Photo taken at Rex Hospital October 12, 2015 ... still couldn't go to orthopedic doctor ... no insurance info ... I had no money to pay up-front.
I felt excitement when October began getting closer! Fall time! State Fair! My most favorite time of the year. I looked forward to wearing blue jeans, sweat shirts, and boots with heels (not high but ... just right).
I was ready to celebrate Fall time with happiness, knowing I would be able to enjoy it this year. Last year I began to, but ... I was still grieving for the loss of my son, my only child ... Tommy.
October 3, 2015 ... wheelchair I rode in ... I couldn't stand on my leg ... I was in ER at Novant Hospital. Skip was holding crutches I was just given.
Tommy died May 29, 2010. He collapsed at Myrtle Beach running, playing with his own little 3 year old son. No one knew he had 3 blockages to his heart.
October 15, 2015 ... this was my first visit with orthopedic doctor ... he put a brace on my leg.
I've never experienced anything in my life as bad as losing my son. I almost lost myself ... forever. I didn't know I would be able to live with such knowledge ... my God ... knowing my child was dead.
You can't even imagine ... I can't even describe how awful holding something so horrible as that inside your mind ... you can't get away from it ... you can't get away from yourself.
I don't know ... or even remember the how I came so far. How I began to cope ... live with the knowledge that Tommy wasn't, can't come back. Even now ... I will feel a 'panicky' sensation if I let myself dwell on it. It's scary ... it's like standing on the brink of a cliff ... I don't want to fall!
My son, Tommy ... holding his newborn son born on March 16, 2007 ... my only grandson.
I wrote, I cried ... I coped with his death living in darkness to protect my mind. Does that even make sense? In darkness in one's mind ... you don't think anymore than you have to. Somehow enough time and many emotional storms have brought me to ... today. I won't elaborate more on it ... I don't want to take the chance of ... falling off the cliff.
October 12, 2015 ... when I went to Rex ER. I was in such pain ... and hadn't been able to see an orthopedic doctor. It was 12 days before I had first visit with orthopaedic doctor on October 15, 2015.
Anyway, I was really looking forward to Fall this year knowing this year I would be able to enjoy, look forward to the holidays and ... be alright.
October 3rd ... I slipped on a slippery tile floor in the restaurant Skip and I loved to go to. The floor 'sweats' because of all the steamy buffet bars. There weren't any rugs, carpet on the floor.
I wasn't thinking of that when we went inside. I was looking forward to enjoying good food. The manager led us toward a table when ... my feet went out from under me. I didn't even see that fall coming. I heard my left knee cap break ... the pain was so great.
These are the shoes I was wearing the day of the accident. You can see that the soles are non-skid. Ironically ... they are the only shoes I can wear since the accident ... they are safest to walk in, and when wet ... they don't slide.
I just found out that I also, have a spiral fracture in my fibula (the long slender bone between your knee cap and ankle ... you have two bones, one big and then, the slender bone ... fibula and tibia). I can't describe what it's been like since I took that fall. The orthopedic doctor said it was missed in the first x-rays. He said no wonder my leg hurts so bad.
I have lost freedom to do the things I like to do ... I have such pain doing what I need to do. I have to go to my different doctor appointments on my own as Skip isn't available to take me. I can't tell you how I've suffered ... and it's not over yet.
I couldn't go to the State Fair, or to the Fall Festivals I really wanted to go to this Fall. I've experienced riding the electric shopping carts where one sits in to shop. I use crutches, and a brace ... it's taking its toll on my right leg. So many changes in my life.
Me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... I write about my life ... and this is another 'color' of it.
Going to bed is hard ... I have a hard time getting up on our bed. Once in bed the pain is excruciating each time I have to move, to turn over, get up.
I have a time going out the door, trying to go down steps. I have to get my nerve up to go down them ... I don't dare want to fall again. It's just as hard trying to come up the steps.
To drive myself is quite an experience. I have to keep maneuvering my body to get my leg inside ... our vehicles are high up from the ground. Oh my ... the ungodly pain. I manage because ... I don't give up ... I have one hell of a fighting spirit. I mean to get my freedom back to move around. All my life ... I've lived with pain ... emotional and physical. Pain is ... has been a part of my life. It doesn't mean it hurts any less ... it just means I'm going to do what I have to do ... regardless.
Me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... no matter how bad something is ... it will somehow ... be alright again.
Sitting down ... getting back up ... the pain is excruciating. I admit I have shed many more tears from hurting ... I still moan, groan when standing up. I try to do it quietly ... sometimes, it isn't possible.
It'll be some time before it all gets better. I have a positive attitude, I don't complain. When you read my words you can see that I try to explain how it really is ... but, you won't see me complain.
I am sad though ... this is my favorite time of the year ... and I'm sad that I am missing out on things I looked forward to ... that I couldn't have done during the past few years for grieving.
At least I am able to see the beauty of Fall with this pain ... both physical and emotional pain. I appreciate the wonderful, warm colors that surround me when I go outside. They make me happy. Oh, how I love Fall! I wish to just get out and walk, kick the colorful leaves up into the air!
So ... this is my month of October ... 2015. I will enjoy Fall with limitations this year. Nevertheless ... I still feel that special happiness that comes in my Heart at this time of year. I'm not under the heaviness of a blanket of grief. I can see clearly now ... and I'm myself ... and everything is going to be alright.
Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee .......................................................................
Note by this Author:
I have been making this accident a learning experience. I have opened my eyes up to another world. I knew it existed ... I had just never experienced it. Now, I'm walking in ... different shoes. Shoes that one just wears ... and might not can walk in. I'm fortunate because as time goes by I am healing. I'm so grateful.
Photo/true account of my month of October 2015 are both owned, written by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... all photos, written true story are owned by me.
You are one tough lady!!! Maybe you don't always bounce back fast but you do bounce back!! You are a true fighter. You don't let anything keep you down. You always come back strong and overcome anything that gets in your way. I wish I were more like you in that sense. You are a terrific person! Love, Ms. Nancy
ReplyDeletePraying so you get better soon and that leg heals fast. I'd like to hear you danced at Christmas so heal fast. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI have fond memories of my own Uncle Skip. He taught me how to fly paper airplanes as a boy. I am really sorry you have suffered so much loss. Make sure you are given your due for such an accident. That is something no one should ever go through and can be so difficult, glad the mend is on.
ReplyDeleteModesto Culbertson @ D & Z Law Group