Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka GrannyGee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...
First of all ... I am still feeling the claustrophobic sensation from watching the rescue team in the flooded cave ... seeing the narrow, rugged, dangerous passage they are having to travel through. The 12 boys/soccer team and their coach trapped in the flooded cave in Thailand have been trapped for 2 weeks.
Gracious, and I'm not even there! What in the world are those 13 victims feeling? It's my nature to try 'walking mentally in someone's shoes' ... trying to understand what they feel, suffer. I can only say what I feel in comparison to their for-real feelings is awful. Oh my, they will be traumatized from this experience. I'm betting they'll go on to learn to dive, swim and such as they grow up.
Can you imagine being on a ledge deep into a cave ... the water too close to you. No blanket to warm your body for 2 weeks ... drinking water trickling down the cave walls ... having to go to the bathroom ... the embarrassment in front of others. I don't know if they even had a flashlight. Only snacks to make last ... forever?
That doesn't even take in what their young minds were imagining while knowing ... they would never see their mother, family again. Hoping, wishing someone could find them in the impossible place they were trapped in. Oh my.
You can get an idea of how my mind thinks ... I think in the tiniest details like when I draw. I think about how the dirt they sat on felt ... the dampness. I think about how at first the smell was having to relieve themselves in a small place until ... time goes by not being rescued ... until they no longer care about something so minor in comparison to what they are experiencing. I can imagine as time went by ... they all begin huddling close together for comfort, warmth. I can imagine how the older boys and the coach began to say things to entertain, uplift the others. I think to the tiniest of things ... why? Because in Life ... these tiniest things are big things when we suffer ... when we feel joy.
I see, feel things other people may just 'skim over' when thinking. I think that's why I feel too much, care too much for others. I 'feel' their pain, fear ... happiness, joy. Then again ... I wonder if we can ... care too much? I feel so much from people, animals. I sometimes suffer a lot inside ... because I do. I even say prayers for an animal laying on the highway that's been struck by a vehicle ... I pray with my Heart they didn't suffer. I can't pass by one without saying a prayer. I care.
For the ones who have a Heart that's colder than mine ... maybe colder isn't the word ... you won't understand my words. That's okay ... because that's less pain in this world you will feel. I think I'd rather keep feeling the pain always ... I will always remember people, animals have feelings too. I will always have respect, compassion, empathy for them and pray for the same towards myself.
Sometimes I stop, wonder 'why in the world do I care, give a damn about anyone's feelings, much less an animal'? Why care? It only hurts me when I feel their pain, fear, suffering. Why would ... I ... feel any feelings toward anyone ... or animal. I sure didn't grow up to care about anyone's feelings ... I grew up where people were mean, cruel-hearted with sweet smiles ... selfish. If someone hurt and they didn't like them ... they would laugh in pure glee at someone's pain.
Why in the world did I grow up .... different? It separated me from my family ... there was always an invisible wall between us ... they would say 'Faye isn't like us' ... so, I was left out of things. Mean, spiteful things meant to hurt, destroy people. Yet ... at times I saw them do the most kindest, wonderful things. What kind of family did I have? Doesn't matter ... they were the only family I knew, had and I loved them with my very Heart ... I miss them now ... they all have died.
These are some of those thoughts that go through my mind ... I write them to release them so, I can ... let go. I find I don't build up inside ... just like the water flowing under the bridge ... it's gone on to another place where it doesn't hurt anyone else, including me. If I couldn't write ... oh my! Imagine a dam holding a huge body of water ... and the walls bulging outward until one day ... gracious. Writing saved me from myself when Tommy died, my only child. I can't even remember what I wrote ... every letter I typed was a tear drop from my Heart ... I can see me in a foggy image constantly typing, crying when I think about it.
I've written since being a child ... I used to write 20-25 page letters years ago ... drawing on the envelopes, coloring to make my mail attractive. No one ever said I should write when I became older ... but they did to a cousin of mine. Everyone knew he would someday write a book ... he never did. When I did ... oh my ... I heard some squeal out and say 'but he should have been the one to write a book!' I wrote my 3 books ... they aren't the best at all ... they aren't best sellers ... but ... they're mine and I wrote them... and have 3 copyrights for them at The Library of Congress. My cousin didn't do that ... and I have to say though mine aren't the best ... I'm proud. :) Silly, but true.
Imagine children skipping down the cracked sidewalk with grass growing up between the cracks ... singing 'don't step on the crack or it'll break your mother's back'. Happy children, sad children ... constantly running, skipping here ... there. Sometimes my thoughts are like those children ... skipping here ... there. I don't always stay on track ... my trains love to travel to different places. Am I normal? I think I am ... :) <3
Like my thoughts, I constantly experience many feelings ... I'm sensing, feeling others constantly. I know when to leave by observing body language ... when someone is sad when they appear happy ... I sense all the time. I care. Gracious, I care sometimes ... too much. I don't tell everyone ... some people mistake it as weakness, try to take advantage of my good Heart.
When I do something I might do it without anyone knowing it was me ... to make them feel happy. I don't need recognition when I do 'good' things ... I don't need all the flowery words of praise. Nothing can compare to what I feel in my Heart when I do good.
See ... more thoughts :) I don't stop thinking. If I sat at this keyboard I would write for you a million thoughts. Some people might be interested ... others might not. That's okay ... I've taken these thoughts out to look at them like dresses stuck in the back of the closet ... now, I'll let go of them, go on to think of other things. I have room now after 'cleaning the closet' :)
If you read this far ... I am amazed :) but, pleased. You might have found what I had to say interesting. How about that? <3 Now, on to more thinking as I do things in my daily life.
Note by this Author:
Writing is living to me ... it is breathing air ... Life. I have to until I take my last breath. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
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