I Don't Know These People ... They Are My Family

I Don't Know These People ... They Are My Family ... by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka GG

I found 2 albums I had made for my granddaughter one day. In it is a photo I never paid attention to until now ... I don't care to find anyone at all.

The 3 photos are of relatives I've never known on my father's side of the family ... my Grandmother gave the photo to me before she died. The writing on the back of it I have never stopped to really read. I never knew anyone excepting what I can count on my hand on my father's side. I never met my father's father, he died before I was born.

I am not trying to look for relatives because I know how those stories turn out ... rarely good. Especially my family ... it took growing up to find out my father's family ... was just like my mother's family ... as a child I was taught to think they were all good, better than ... my mom's family all bad. :) Oh my, my, my ... they hid theirs better because they were more ... somebody everyone highly respected.

I looked for one of my sisters years ago ... sadly we couldn't feel a connection ... too much negative energy that stemmed from when we were very little. I think she didn't mean to but... saw me as the mother who let her be adopted as a baby ... I was her sister and was about 9 years old.

She had a lot of hate inside and I understand ... so, how could I fault her? I grew up the same way ... time and wanting to get the negative out of my life made me okay. She hadn't done that yet. I had to walk away ...she wasn't at a point in her life where we could meet and bond. I don't think that day will ever come ... in my mind I'm seeing, hearing why ... I won't share any of that.

Yes, Life ... can be very sad. Just because someone is your real blood relative doesn't mean they are healthy, good for you. Sometimes ... you truly do have to walk away because no matter what you do, give ... you can't buy their love.

In my family ... I can compare them to black widow spiders ... beautiful ... ruthless ... cut-throat ... all done with a smile, the pain inflicted enjoyed immensely. They are mostly gone now ... I loved them anyway ... they just didn't love me.

To look at them ... you would have thought they were the most caring, wonderful people ... they did it all with sweet smiles ... and their looks made it all the more convincing. That's where people would make a mistake ... thinking how kind, caring. They didn't know all Hell would break out in their lives at a later date.

I loved my family members with my very Heart ... and didn't realize until older they loved me but, they hated me also. I was different ... I didn't take satisfaction in someone else's downfall ... seeing anyone suffer, cry.

I wouldn't conspire or get into any of their revenge plots to hurt anyone. I can't do that ... I can't hurt others unless ... they hurt me or my loved ones ... then all that Hell embedded in me as a child ...comes out. Thankfully ... it doesn't have to ... maybe a time or two through the years ... I was more ruthless than any of them. I never felt good afterward. I don't choose to war but ... I do choose to win them. Then I am ... HELL.

I am just as nice as I can be mean. Sometimes people take goodness, kindness as a weakness ... and that's a bad mistake to make. I see it coming whenever it's getting ready to happen ... I begin smiling. So, no... I'm not perfect because ... that's where I take satisfaction ... in taking my time to show I'm not weak, nor a pushover ... and giving a person hopefully ... if I can ... 3 chances to realize they shouldn't do that.

I do have steel in my backbone ... it is there no matter how nice, kind I am. That's why I've survived so much in my own life ... that steel is my ... fighting spirit I inherited from a paralyzed woman who was the strongest woman I ever knew ... a survivor ... because she lived in pure Hell so many years taken advantage of, treated awful. She was my Grandma Alma ... the one I write about on my Blog.

George, my Grandma Alma's husband, was the only grandfather I ever knew ... he was blind. Oh my ... he couldn't see the things that went on around him. He was the kindest man I ever knew until ... I met Skip Bates, my husband. Everyone loves Skip. He is truly a good man.

Am I perfect? Oh no, I constantly have to work at being the nicest, best person I can be. Do I succeed always? No, because like everyone else there are things that push my buttons. Even then, I do try so hard and ... I seem to forgive things others can't ... why? I understand so much ... I see where others don't ... I listen to what isn't said, what can't be seen.

I know people do and think what they think is right ... even if it is a mistake ... I know so much from studying people to survive as a child in my family of black widows who took out things on a little, innocent child. I think I grew up in every ugly situation there was ... I got a taste of all. I suffered ... from all. You can't see my scars ... they are there ... I know where every scar is.

I'm so smart aren't I if I can sense so much about people? No ... I know what to look for because ... I've been there. If I haven't walked in those shoes ... I think about it deeply to try to feel, understand.

No wonder my family hated me so much ... my eyes could see deep. No one likes that especially when they don't want others to see the evil in one's heart.

So ... these are the thoughts this one photo has triggered in me. This is the first time I even cared to look at it. I feel nothing, care nothing about the photo. It can be a conversation piece ... it doesn't matter to me.

That sounds awful ... see what I mean? I have mean thoughts too.

My Gloria's Opinion in my situation ... it's better to leave things in the past ... even if they are a part of you doesn't mean you can claim them as yours. It is amazing to see so many people and know there are many more ... who are a part of me ... blood-related ... I won't ever know. I have a good impression of them ... good impressions aren't all they are cracked up to be every time. I promise you. :)