Photos of Gloria Faye Brown Bates taken September 2018-January 2019
I was sitting here wondering all kinds of things. I normally do that ... I don't talk about things to anyone ... I write my thoughts.
I was wondering about wearing my nice clothes ... they are all I have. They are clothes I've had hanging in my closet ... folded up in plastic containers, folded in drawers.
My clothes are clothes I've had for years ... since as far back as 2005. They are nice clothes and look as if they cost more than they actually do.
I've always selected my clothing to look the nicest for the money I pay for them. When I do have extra money I spend more on clothes ... unless I see a better deal. I love to save and get the most for my money.
The strange thing is when ... fat ... my clothes didn't look good because my body didn't wear them well. The smaller I got on my weight-loss journey ... I began pulling clothes out I haven't worn in years. Now ... they fit again and ... they look so nice.
I've always kept my clothes nice. But ... no one cares when one is fat, out of shape ... who looks at clothes then ... unless they are out of the ordinary? Right?
Each time I take something out to wear ... or keep trying on to see how much weight I've lost ... how much to lose before wearing this or that ... I am so thankful they are still new ... put up and never worn but, a few times. That's how I've always done ... I have a tendency to gain weight. So my clothes come out only to be put back up until 'the day comes again I can wear them'. That day never came ... until now! Yay-yyyyy!
I can't ever gain weight again at this age and time ... I will have to guard against it. I'm not a young girl anymore ... it's easier to gain some weight, take it off ... or carry it well when stronger, younger. I want to grow older as gracefully as possible ... I can't with excess weight.
I'm so glad I've always taken care of my things be it clothes or my computer, my art things ... everything. All still look 'brand new' and I had things for years ... you don't see wear and tear on them. That means I don't take things for granted ... I know in my life ... I don't always have the money to go out to buy new things ... only at times does that happen. I take extra-good care of what I have ... I appreciate them that much.
When I have a little extra ... I will buy clothes on sale at the nicer stores I always shopped at. I used to afford the most expensive ... now, I shop their clearance racks to get nice clothes. It can be done ... I can still dress nice and not pay a lot for clothes. That's because I want to ... I love clothes that are beautiful, have design.
I used to dress in the most beautiful clothes never looking at the price tag ... I still yearn to dress like that... but, I have to pay less now ... and get the prettiest for little money. I'm happy, I've done pretty good. That's because I know it can be done on a much smaller budget.
One would be completely surprised at how little you can pay sometimes when something is on sale, clearance rack ... that you couldn't afford when seeing it before at full price. You really have to take time to look ... really look. I do that and it pays off when I do.
I just add one piece ever so often to what I have ... I can't tell you the happiness I feel inside when I do. Now ... when I put my clothes on they look much nicer than my 'fat clothes' did. The cost in my clothes isn't any different ... but, my sizes are/was much, much different.
Pay attention to what I just said ... I know there are people who understand EXACTLY what I mean when I say: THE COST IN MY CLOTHES ... ISN'T ANY DIFFERENT ... BUT ... MY SIZES ARE/WAS MUCH DIFFERENT.
No one looks at pretty your clothes when one is big, fat ... they don't see them for looking at the weight-gain. They DO notice when you/me become little again ... they can see how pretty clothes look.
Think about it being brutally honest ... that is if you want to take the time to. Think about your clothes if you have been heavier ... so much that clothes just don't look well at all on one when big, fat like I was. I'm always talking about myself when I talk 'big, fat ... heavier'. This is a 'walk in my shoes for a moment to see, feel, understand'.
You look in the mirror panicking because you have to go to a funeral, wedding ... an event so important ... you have gained so much weight , what in the world will you wear? How can you look as nice as everyone else with all the extra weight? You are going to see so and so ... and they'll see how overweight you've become.
This is when I cared ... this didn't happen to me these past 8 years since my son died. I was grieving and the world I lived in didn't give a damn what I wore, didn't wear ... what you wore, didn't wear. That didn't exist my world of darkness ... it didn't matter ... period. I'm talking about normal weight gain in normal times ... not when something BAD happened.
No matter what you chose to put on ... it never looked quite right. It had to be loose to not show weight gain ... long enough to hide one's stomach, thighs, ass ... yes, big ass. Hey, it's the truth ... my ass got big, too. And ... if it was winter time ... thank God ... I can put on a coat ... and wallah! my weight is hidden for a time. No ... I won't take off my coat, I'm so cold!
I'm so glad to be able to speak about my weight gain now ... I'm almost to my goal. It doesn't hurt me now to talk about it ... before ... it hurt like Hell when I became aware of myself ... waking up from my grief-stricken world I lived in for years. Oh my God ... then, before ... I had no idea I could be to ... now, today ... after.
So see ... no one could see your clothes are half-way nice ... for looking at the awful weight-gain ... and how you/me changed so much gaining all that weight. Wow ... she used to be beautiful with a wonderful figure ... that's what people thought. The last thought was clothes unless they stood out to be dirty ... ugly-ugly ... or too tight ... you know what I mean.
Some women felt happiness to see such a drastic change in a pretty person ... their 'threat' is gone ... it's amazing to see the shock, unhappiness when they see that same person ... and all the excess weight is gone! No more taking pleasure in someone else's 'downfall'.
In their minds ... that person has become a 'threat' again ... whether they really are or aren't. Sometimes ... it serves their asses right ... if someone does become a real threat to 'pay their asses back'. :) I had to be mean for a moment to say that.
I'm a good person but, not perfect ... I still think mean thoughts! I see, notice everything about people ... I don't forget anything. If you closed a door in my face ... my day will come ... to choose whether to in your face or ... not. Normally ... I don't choose to ... if I do ... then, it's truly deserved.
So ... this morning I was thinking about the strange feeling I've discovered about myself lately. We are at our worst financially ... and here I am ... putting on my nice clothes every day. No one knows they've been stored away for 'the day I lose weight' ... they notice my clothes now! Amazing! They didn't ... when I was FAT ... and the only difference in them then ... was SIZE.
I still have some huge clothes with paint colors on them that I have used through time to paint, do projects. They look terrible now ... hang on me ... should I wear them to reflect we aren't doing well financially ... you know ... dress down? instead of being so happy to put clothes I haven't worn in years on ... wearing them.
It's a strange feeling to be stressed from financial issues ... and having lost weight to feel such happiness at the same time ... to put on pretty clothes again.
I feel guilty like ... I should dress down to look 'the part' ... look 'as poor' as we really are. What are your thoughts?
Guess what? I'm not going to do that ... I'm going to keep dressing pretty regardless and try to balance stress so it doesn't completely destroy me, mentally. I still have a few more clothes waiting to fit this body of mine ... I want to see how they will look!
The difference is ... SIZE ... no one looked at my clothes when I looked awful, fat. Now ... when I walk in a room ... everyone looks ... like years ago! I have to learn to cope with that now as an older lady ... it feels good, but ... it can feel strange too. In fact ... scary. I know I'll get over it! :) I want to look nice again.
No, I'm not going to try to dress down for anyone. I'm lucky to have clothes put up ... I sure haven't been able to afford shopping trips since losing so much weight.
How many people lose so much weight DON'T get to go shopping for new clothes? Not many. I haven't gotten to ... Life comes first and I'm not that selfish ... we have bills, meds, doctors, gas, monthly pay-outs ... Pups's food, chews, treats that all come first.
I'm thankful I had lots of clothes put up for 'the day that comes when I lose enough weight' ... I believed that day would come. It took so long ... but, it's here now. These clothes are here at the perfect time in my life.
All through the years I've found that most women when overweight can walk to their closets, drawers, containers ... show you lots of clothes all sizes ... they've put up for the day they lose weight.
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