By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I've had Tommy on my mind a lot, lately. Tommy is my son ... he died on May 29, 2010.
Most people who know me, know I was close to my son. He meant the world to me. He was an only child.
I vowed when he died ... I'd never let him be forgotten. I'm keeping that promise. He was such a very real, wonderful person. No, he wasn't perfect ... no one is. He was wonderful, nevertheless.
I think of him constantly ... though, only on a level that won't upset me. I don't think 'too deeply' ... I can't bear the grief that lies there like a dark, scary pool of water. I try to be careful walking near it ... I don't want to slide into it.
I can't put into words, no matter how hard I try ... what grief feels like. You would have to lose your child ... to know what this grief feels like. I would never wish that for you ... never. You know how it is at this very moment if you 'think of such' ... it's an awful thought; you can't bear to think of losing your child. Your mind jumps off that thought like sitting on a ... hot fire!
When I write about Tommy ... that's what my blogs, my writing is usually about. About the grief of a mother who has lost her only child. The good thing is ... when you get tired of reading about it, you can leave, go somewhere else to read. You can read what is on someone else's mind. You can get to 'feel' what different things are like, without having to experience them yourselves, unless...
Unless ... you are a grieving person; someone who knows what it feels like to lose someone in your life. I know what it feels like to lose almost everyone in my world that I truly loved. I don't have but, a handful of relatives left. I love them all from afar.
My whole world consists of Skip, my husband ... and our three Pups. They ... are my world. They are most important to me. Tommy was a part of my whole world. He is missed so much. He meant the world to both, Skip and I.
Somehow, I've managed to find the strength to not slip into the dark pool of grief I spoke of earlier. I think a little puppy named Camie is responsible for that. I rescued her on July 4, 2013 ... she was almost dead, when I lifted her off the ground. My attention went to her, I focused on her. I meant for her to live ... and if she didn't, I meant for her not to ... die alone. We saved ... each other.
Camie is an important part of my world. She has survived the worst case of demodectic mange our vet's ever seen. Sure, she still gets sick ... all her friends contribute to her medical care ... she gets well once again. Most likely her whole life it will be like that. One thing for certain ... she is cared about by so many. She has the most loving family around her ... us ... her friends.
Tonight ... I'm remembering Tommy, thinking of Camie ... and my whole world ... these are the thoughts on my mind. I won't be slipping into the dark water of grief ... tonight.
Another friend of mine who also lost her son about two years ago and then her dog died. She rescued two healthy dogs, one that was hours away from being put down. She says, as you do, that she didn't rescue those dogs. They rescued her. I hope to never feel the pain that either of you have endured and continue to endure, but I pray that your pain lessens with each day and that you feel the loving presence of your son around you.
ReplyDeleteThose that knew Tommy will never forget him. To know Tommy was a great privilege. He was like a big old teddy bear! He was kind to everyone. He would always hug me whenever I saw him---didn't matter who was around or where I would see him---he always had a smile on his face. One thing he made clear is that he loved his mother and Skip! No one messes with them! If anyone messed with his mother or Skip I do believe that teddy bear would have turned into a grizzly bear! I can't imagine your pain of losing him--I can only be there for you when you need me. Love, Ms. Nancy
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