Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
From time to time I have to remind others 'why?' I write. I don't write to gain pity ... I write to live. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
Think of me as the strongest, biggest Redwood tree in the forest. I'm still standing after all Life's storms. Pray that I have beautiful, calm weather until the end of my days. I would love to know that for the rest of my life. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee.
Artwork by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... I'm still standing.
This is the link to this story I wrote today ... 2-29-2016 ... I want to tell my new readers, friends, followers 'why?' I write ....... I want to remind everyone who knows me why I write grief, pain ... I write as I promised about grief, pain when it happens, how it feels.
http://new.mylot.com/post/2898107/this-may-be-the-last-time-i-tell-what-happened-to-tommy
Don't you dare feel sorry for me. Think of me as ... envision the biggest, strongest Redwood tree ... I've weathered many of Life's storms ... twigs, limbs are missing ... but ... I'm still standing. I hope now ... at this point in my Life ... that the weather be wonderful ... calm ... until the end of my days. I've had enough grief, pain for several lifetimes.
I have been writing since November 2010 ...( I'd been writing all my life ... but, I began my blog: ) ... just a few months after my son ... Tommy ... died. When I began my blog I made the promise to all my readers/followers/friends I would describe pure grief, pain of a grieving mother.
I didn't need anyone's sympathy ... I never thought of anyone as I wrote my pain. The truth is ... writing my grief, pain ... saved my life. While I was in darkness, the keys under my fingertips gave me comfort as well ... as an outlet for my grief.
My grief, pain flowed like the biggest river in the world ... rocks hurt like h___ ... I still flowed on to ... wherever. In fact, before someone says something to add more pain, grief ... say empty, useless words ... I asked people to just come into my blog to read quietly, leave just as quietly, go their way.
My beautiful Son ... big as life ... in a truck stop on his way to somewhere ... taking a selfie. I miss you, Tommy. Your Mama miss you with her very Heart.
They could see how it all felt, never having to experience in their life ... grief, pain of a grieving mother. I promised my readers that I would write grief when it happened ... as it happened ... and I would tell the raw truth about grief.
No pity ... no feeling sorry ... read like you are reading something else ... if you learn something from my grief, thank God. I pray no one ever goes through losing a child ... only child like I did.
This logo was made just for me by Donnalyn, several years ago.
I didn't need all those comments that you are going to always hear people say ... such as ... 'oh, he's in a better place now ... he's sitting down at the Lord's table eating ... you don't have to worry about him anymore ... oh, you'll get over your grief in no time, like in the next few weeks ... the worst one I heard, that fills me with pure, white anger is ... oh, I understand, I know how you feel.' I understand, I know how you feel ... can you imagine someone telling you that when they've never experienced grief?
Needless to say ... I didn't say a word to those people ... I never forgot them ... I forgave them for their careless words. Can you imagine modeling your life after someone who has never experienced what they are 'selling'? Can you? Can you imagine listening to a pastor preach empty words when he has never experienced being saved, the true feeling of love, compassion, caring for his congregation?
My son, Tommy ... holding his newborn son ... Tommy had one son, and one daughter.
Can you imagine telling a grieving mother that you understand how it feels, her grief should be over in oh, probably ... 2 weeks? Can you imagine being told that by someone who has never lost a child? Can you imagine someone who has never experienced the pain, grief in their life ... try to tell you how it feels? How you should handle it?
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I want to share with my new friends ... and new readers/followers on my blog ... what happened to Tommy one year almost to the day he died ... what he suffered ... what his mother suffered, what I was grieving for .... before he died. I was already grieving for Tommy one year before ... he died. Tommy 'died' ... one year before he .... died.
Every writer knows that in order to write ... be real, sincere ... they have to write what they know best in life. You can't fool your readers .. they know when you are being an imposter.
I write what I know best in my life since being a child ... all the way until today ... I've known grief, pain ... awful things throughout my life. I know grief, pain ... best. Just remember this when you read 'me' ... I don't write to gain your sympathy, pity ... I don't need it. I truly don't need anyone's pity.
Tommy is holding his newborn son ...
I have grown very strong throughout time ... think of me like you would a ... redwood tree. I've withstood many, many terrible storms. I'm weathered, beaten ... missing a twig or two ... but, I'm still standing. I'm still weathering storms ... I do pray for sunshine, calm weather ... I would like to rest from battling the storms in my life.
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I would like to tell you this ... to remember also, about me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... I'm the most positive, happiest person you'll ever meet who is a grieving mother ... a person who has battled cancer ... congestive heart failure, motorcycle wreck ... lost over 19 family members (not just any family members but, the ones I truly loved with my very Heart) ... whose husband has battled cancer, almost dying again twice with strokes, heart problems ... blood infection in his body from a tiny cut from old wire ... lost all in a housefire ... the ultimate loss ... losing the only child whom I loved the ground he walked on. These are only ... a few things 'BAD' that's happened in my life.
My published book of grief, pain ... writing this book saved my life ... if you asked me what is in it ... I can't tell you ... I can't remember ... I can't open the book to read it. Over a thousand pages of pure grief ... pure pain. You are looking at my life raft ... writing this book is why I'm here today. Writing this book makes sure my son, Tommy, is remembered forever. It doesn't matter that it doesn't sell ... doesn't matter at all. I have my copyright from Library of Congress on this book ( I have 3 copyrights on the 3 books I published). They don't sell ... that's okay ... I still have my copyrights, and I'm proud to have them ... I did it all when I was in the deepest throes of grief. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
This is only a fraction of what I've battled ... so, this is what I write best ... pain, grief, sadness. I write it to tell you that no matter how bad ... things DO get better ... no matter how BAD ... they will get good again I can smile now ... when I thought I couldn't ever smile again ... I mean how does a mother ever smile again with the knowledge that her child died?
It does happen ... a grieving mother can smile again ... but ... this grieving mother had to make a choice ... either stay in the darkness and not cope with the loss ... or ... meet it head-on ... no matter how bad it hurts ... battle it like you would battle with a bear ... I did ... I was going to either live ... or die.
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I'm smiling ... I am here five years after my son's death ... yes, I still go through bouts of grief ... oh my, I really do. Those times are farther apart ... and I recover from them quickly now. Does it ... lessen the pain, grief ... when it comes again ... no.
To write my story ... on my blog for maybe the last time about what happened ... I had to transport me back deeply into the darkness where I knew my grief, pain was for my son ... doing this ... something I don't do anymore ... took something out of me ... for several days until now ... I still feel the pain deeply. I can't do it anymore ... if I do ... it may be years down the road.
For now ... in order to understand me, my type of writing ... one will have to go read on my blog ... this is the link to what happened to Tommy ... exactly one year leading up to his death. Link to my Blog: Colors in My Life ... /2016/02/this-may-be-last-time-i-tell-anyone.html
A grieving mother ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
These are only words trying to describe by writing ... living pain, grief ... they are in no way the same. I couldn't describe how ... it really felt. Know that as you read ... there was so much more than what I wrote.
Unless you are a mother who suffered with her child ... then ... her child die ... you can't understand at all. The closest you can come to that is ... get very quiet ... think of one of your children ... think of what that child means to you ... what you love so dearly about him/her ... think of the sounds that child makes when they laugh, talk ... everything that makes that one person your child.
Now ... the phone rings ... you see your child's cellphone number pop up on the caller ID ... you smile! You answer ... you become confused because a stranger is trying to tell you something. What? What did you say?
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... a grieving mother who can smile today.
"Ma'am, I have a man collapsed here on the sand ... he's not breathing." You have just found out before anyone knows ... you are 200 miles away ... you learn from a stranger that ... your child is dead ... he is laying on the soft sand at the ocean where he'd just arrived on vacation to play with his own little boy.
Your son has just collapsed on the sand ... died that fast ... 3 blockages to his heart. No one knew he was sick.
At that very moment ... only you and the stranger and his family who cares for the man's little son to keep him safe ... knows your ... son is dead.
The little son is wanting his daddy to get back up ... "Let's run, play ... Daddy!"
I see you can't bear to think of your child being ... dead. I know you can't ... I couldn't before my own son died. I'm sorry I made you feel pain, grief when imagining losing your child.
It's the closest you'll ever come to understanding a grieving mother ... until ... I pray you'll outlive all your children. That's the way it's supposed to be ... parents should never outlive their children.
My beautiful Son, my only child ... Tommy
Born November 20, 1969
Died May 29, 2010
Children are our world ... our family support when we have no one else ... children carry on our name, inherit all our possessions and knowledge. Children are truly the ... wealth of our world ... when we teach them to be the best they can be.
Children are our everything. Now ... I only have Skip, my husband ... and our 2 dogs ... they are truly the only family I have left in this big, old world ... they are my whole world.
I have no one else ... but, you ... my online friends, readers and followers. So, my whole world, Skip and our 2 Pups ... and you ... mean everything to me.
Tommy Mitchell Sidden ... my only child, my Son. This is the last photo taken of him driving to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina ... he died that evening ... collapsed to the soft, damp sand by the ocean's waves washing ashore ... where he and his little son played just minutes before ... May 29, 2010 ... on a Saturday evening.
Just remember whenever you read anything sad, painful that I write ... that it's coming from a most positive person who has traveled many journeys in life ... who has felt the pain from many things ... who knows how so much feels ... who truly knows no matter how bad ... everything will be alright.
Good comes from ... bad. Don't even feel sorry for me ... feel how strong the redwood tree looks when you stand below it ... it's still here after many storms have tried to take it down.
I am short, 5' 2" ... but, I'm tall in spirit. In soul, I'm larger than life ... from all the experiences, journeys I have taken in my life.
I have no room for pity ... I'm not a 'poor little thing' ... all broken into pieces ... I worked very hard ... to put 'me' back together. Sure ... a piece falls off ... now and then ... I begin scuffling to put it back so ... I can be alright again.
So now ... you have an idea who Granny Gee/Gloria is ... a strong person who when knocked down ... jumps back up, dusts her pants off ... holds her ground to meet life head-on ... no matter how painful it is. Sometimes, it takes a little time to get up ... I always manage.
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ... in this photo you can see the gold nugget necklace that was around Tommy's neck when he died. He wore it always ... it is my class ring melted down into a gold nugget ... 11 grams gold. I gave it to my son ... his wife gave it back to me ... it meant the world.
Don't feel pity for me ... don't think when I write my grief ... I'm reaching out for someone to feel sorry for me. I don't need it. Just care ... go on ... open your eyes wider when you see a grieving person ... have compassion, not pity. Just simply ... care with your Heart.
If you say something sincere in your own words (not a bunch of ___ you've always heard) ... it'll mean the world to that grieving person. Don't recite a bunch of nothing just to have something to say ... don't say anything ... just hug ... care ... if you can't say anything ... real.
Know that I am a for-real good person ... I'm most real. I love everyone ... see through fakey people ... don't waste time on them. Life's too short to let others in my life that aren't sincere.
I will voice my Gloria Opinions in a moment ... I'll respect yours and you respect mine ... I won't argue anything with anyone. Why? Because I simply don't have to ... it's not worth the grief, pain it causes.
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
One last thing ... I'm known for writing long stories. I have to ... it's part of being me. You don't need to tell me ... I already know. I don't do it all the time ... only when ... it's important.
Photo/story owned ... written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
Photo is of the only tattoo I most likely will ever have ... in memory of my son, Tommy. He loved dragonflies ... dragonflies show up in my life at the oddest times.
My Tommy Dragonfly Tattoo created for me by Jason Wilkins at Revelation Ink & Piercings ... his new shop will open in early March 2016 in Raleigh, NC (Wakefield area). Until then, you will find him at his shop in Louisburg, NC at Dystink'd Tattoo.
