Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Little Dragonfly Sitting On My Shoulder.. It's 'There'.... I Feel It

Little Dragonfly Sitting On My Shoulder.. It’s ‘There’…. I Feel It

For months I’ve wondered and wondered… where to put the dragonfly. Tommy loved dragonflies and there is a song he loved.. Fly Dragonfly, Fly. I want to have a
delicate little dragonfly tattooed ‘somewhere’…. on me, his mother.
I’ve worried that I couldn’t think of an appropriate place to put a tattoo in
remembrance of my son, Tommy. I have thought of ‘where’ to put it so, I can
see it, myself …and where it doesn’t just ‘pop’ out at everyone… but, be
seen in the nicest way possible ‘if’ someone sees it.
I’ve never wanted a tattoo but, feel now that I want one very much. I want something
that I can see that is ‘Tommy’, and that I can touch when I am sad or thinking something
happy about him. I wonder ‘why’ that is? I am going to be thinking about this as I
write and before I finish.. I will let you know what I have thought of.
My cousin, Linda, called me from Oregon (I love you, Linda, and thank-you)… tonight.
We were talking and I mentioned to her that since Tommy died that I wanted so much
to have a tiny tattoo of a dragonfly remembering him.. but, my problem was that I
couldn’t think ‘where’ is an appropriate place to have it put… being his mother.
As soon as she said ‘the place’.. I touched it on myself and I ‘knew’… exactly at
that very moment ‘where’ I will be having that tattoo done on my body. I had thought
‘shoulder’ ..before but, not ‘like that’. When she said ‘shoulder’… it was like I ‘felt’ a little dragonfly ‘already sitting’ there! Looking down.. I could ‘almost’ see it!
I looked down on my right shoulder… when Linda said the shoulder would be a
nice place to put it. The strange thing is that for the past year I’ve been
trying to decide ‘where’… and I’d thought ‘shoulder’, but, it never felt right,
Once she said the word ‘shoulder’ somehow, I ‘knew where..on the shoulder’ I would
have it placed. She just said the word ‘shoulder’ in a very quiet way and at that very moment.. I ‘felt’ where. Isn’t it so strange and so…….special?
I looked down ‘on’ my right shoulder and I ‘could see.. imagine’ ..that little dragonfly sitting there! I ‘knew’ that’s where the little dragonfly will be … sitting on my shoulder remembrance of my precious son..Tommy. I can ‘feel’ it now.
I just walked to where Skip sits in his comfortable recliner watching X-Factor
and told him that I now know where the little dragonfly will go. He was curious
because he knows how long it’s has taken for me to decide. He thought that was
a good spot for the little dragonfly.
Now… it’s time for me to begin sketching it out and wording what I want there. I want
something just so beautiful and delicate.. and so special.. a happy little dragonfly in soft colors. I want it to reflect ‘love’. I can ‘sort of see’ in my mind now. Linda, thank-you so much for making that special knowledge ‘come to me’ by what you said.
It hasn’t been an easy decision at all.
Now.. I’ve been thinking all along ‘why’ do I want the little dragonfly and ‘why’ there on my shoulder… and ‘why’ do I want to touch it when I’m sad or happy, thinking about Tommy?
I said I would tell you my answer after thinking all along about it……….
I think because having the little dragonfly tattooed on my right shoulder will be there until the day I die. I think that in that spot where it ‘feels’ like the little dragonfly is ‘already there’ is ….. where it ‘belongs’. It feels ‘almost too special’ to talk about. I feel like it will be ‘riding on my shoulder’ for me to look down at it anytime I want to. It will be ‘Tommy’… and when he is in my thoughts I can reach up to touch it to comfort me.. I can touch something that is there… that is ..’Tommy’.. and it will be visible to look at and to touch. My feelings are in my heart and aren’t visible to touch, to see. That little dragonfly will ‘barely’ sit on my shoulder as if… it’s lighting there but, for … a moment.
I whisper to myself.. with tears in my eyes ‘Fly Dragonfly, Fly’ and in my mind I can
‘see’ Tommy… Tommy free from all that hurt him in his life, his spirit soaring in joy. I ‘know where’ to reach up and touch ‘now’…. until I can bring it into reality… that little dragonfly that’s ‘Tommy’.

1 comment:

  1. Dragon Flies are beautiful! You do what you think you must do. If it makes you feel better then I say go for it! You will always have something to remind you of Tommy and I think that is a good thing. I do little things that remind me of my nephew (the one killed by a drunk driver). I even talk to him when I go to the cemetery. I can't see or hear him but it makes me feel better to go visit him at the cemetery. Love, Ms. Nancy