Just Know That ... I Know You Are In The World, Too
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Do you know that as I write, I do something I read that one shouldn't do when writing? I think about others who go through their own hell, illnesses in their life.
I worry for them, I worry that they'll read my own grief, it affecting them. One can't truly write very well if they worry like this. I have to tell myself this lately, knowing that I still care ... very much. I know I'm not the only person in the world who goes through such.
As you read my stories, I hope you will know that I think of you, too... as I write, I have to 'let go of my thoughts', focus on my words so, I can write what I truly know best.
All I ask is for you to always keep in the back of your mind... that I'm not a self-centered person who thinks only of myself. Please keep that in mind when you read my words, they come from inside me about what I know to write ... best. If I tried to write about you... I would be false.
I read blogs of my blogging friends, I read emails, and comments. Your comforting words mean everything to me. I sense at times, my words have made you upset because of touching something deep inside you. I don't want my words to hurt you, though... I know they will... if you read them. They are 'real.'
I'm aware that some of you ... are like me. I'm aware that some of you have serious illnesses. I'm aware... that some of you have loved ones who are deathly ill. Oh, God ...how I care for you all. A lot of us walk in our own 'private hells'. I know how 'so much' feels, as I've experienced so much in my own world.
I've thought about maybe should I just stop writing? Should I go on, not care about you? I can't do that. I do care with my very heart, I can't stop writing ... I have to write. I have to care about you, too.... it's a part of me... Gloria/Granny Gee.
For the moment, I am talking to all of you ... I know you will sense that I'm talking to you, and you, and you.......... just know I care deeply, I shed tears when I 'feel' your words in your blogs, emails, comments... when I read them.
Just know that I know the world isn't all about 'me.' It may sound like that while I write ... for the moment when I write about 'me', it is. I have to write what I know... that's what my blog is about.
My blog is about a grieving mother, myself. It's about my son, Tommy, whom I'm never going to forget ... I'm going to always remember him with my words. It's about me, Granny Gee/Gloria's life. It's going to always be that ... I'm going to always have 'ups, downs' in my life.
I don't write to feel sorry for myself ... I've never felt sorry for myself. I'm too much the fighter to waste time doing that. If I did that, I'd just lay back, never do anything again... no, that's not 'me.'
I don't need attention with my writing ... if you read my stories, give me attention... it's because you choose to. I will write .... regardless. Even if no one read my stories, I would have to write ... I am driven to write, the memory of my son, the pain ... be it mental, physical, is ... my very fuel.
I once had a dear friend whom for twelve years I wrote to every day, several times a day... she did the same. When she died, I can't tell you the grief I felt for her. I found that I couldn't just quit writing, I felt like I was dying inside if I quit writing. So, I, not only write in memory of Tommy, my pain, I write in memory of Lena, my dearest friend... she is a part of that fuel that drives me.
Just know ... all of you ... my friends, my readers, my followers ... that I do care about you, I feel for you with my very heart. Just know that ... I know 'you' .... are in the world, too.
Love, Granny Gee/aka Gloria Faye Brown Bates
