You Can't See Him ... I Can

You Can't See Him ... I Can
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

NOTE:  (This is just wishful thinking ... I wish to see my Son... I'm
remembering .... Tommy)...

... TOMMY ...

I can't see you ... for looking at him
You can't see him ... for looking at me
He stands between us ... all you see is air
When tears fill my eyes, and I smile... it's not for you

They are for him ... as I look up to his face
My tall, gentle-giant ... my son
You hear me speak to him... not to you
Hello, my precious Son... how I've missed you

You stand there ... wondering why I call you ... Son
Thinking, oh... what's wrong with you
Have you lost your mind .. I'm not your Son
Nobody's ... there

I don't hear you ... if I do, I may lose the vision
In front of me ... I've waited so long for him to appear
That I don't care if you think I've lost my mind
I focus on savoring the moment ... of seeing my Son

I reach up to touch his cheek ... I see his sunshine smile
You move back ... you aren't sure of what is happening to me
Especially ... when you see me smile the most beautiful smile
At someone ... you know is not ... you

You know it's real ... by my eyes, my actions
You can't pretend ... like that
You try so hard to see ... what I see
No matter what ... you can't ... but, you know something's there

You stand there in amazement as you watch, feel
Your heart is touched ... it's like a hand squeezes it
Gently in your chest ... your eyes fill with tears
Could it be ... could it really be Tommy?

I'm not aware of you as I speak to my Son
I smile, gesture ... laugh ... I cry
I touch his shoulder as I speak, I touch his cheek
I hug his neck ... when the time comes to say ... goodbye

I stand... sob ... you can't see why
You can't see my son as he walks away from me
Only to disappear again from my life ... I can't go after him
I cry my heart out ... I don't know you are there

My Son... Tommy ... you've left on another journey
On a journey I can't go on ... it's not time for mine
I stand there watching through shimmering, diamond teardrops
As you walk away ... until you are ... there, no more

Goodbye Tommy ... please come back
Please come to me again ... I don't care where I'm at
Just give me a moment to see you again
My eyes, my ears ... will only see, hear you

I stood, watched the tall, gentle-giant walk away from me
He always had the best posture for a man
My tears made him turn into a shimmering, wavy figure
That disappeared ... in front of my eyes

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• Tommy Would Have Been 43 Today... Death Of My Only Child, My Son
• Someone Else's Son...
• I Only Have My Grief... To Compare My Grief To...

I Weathered The Storm... I Was The Storm

I Weathered The Storm ... I Was The Storm
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



The pain began 'out of the blue', making me hold the washcloth to my face.  My tears became lost in the water from the shower.  I held my hand to my chest... the pain.

I stood there for several minutes, sobbing silently.  I wanted to cry forever.  I knew I couldn't... I didn't want anyone to see my eyes and 'know'.  Especially... Skip.

Everything is going to be alright... it's May... Tommy died May 29, 2010.  My brother, Rick-Rick, died May 19, 2005.

On May 19, 2009... Tommy's life changed in such a way as to affect him until he died one year later.  A man stepped in front of his tractor-trailer... he was killed.  That began the 'death' of my son...

May, 2010.... was the last time I got to be a mother... my only child died.  I became 'motherless'...

There are more things... I just don't want to remember them.  Remembering my son's death is almost more than I can bear.  I can bear it ... now.  I know everything's going to be alright ... now.

I, know there will still be times when the pain will become almost unbearable... my son, my son... my child died.  Can you imagine such a thing?

Today, I was showering... enjoying the scent of my perfumed soap.  I had my mind on what I wanted to pick up when going to town later.

A dark cloud hovered over me for several minutes... making me cry stormy tears.  I was the storm... when I finished, the sun brightened all up again.  I began smiling... everything's going to be alright.  I weathered this storm...

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P.S... I want to thank all my new followers on each of my blogs, for following me.  I'm most honored, and I treasure each of you.  You mean the world to me.