Grief is only the purest of Love. You feel it when you've Loved with your very Heart.
Today I have extra grief in my Heart I can't bring myself to speak about. Everything is going to be alright though it hurts really, really bad. More than bad.
Yet ... everything will go on to be alright ... and Life goes on. This is how Life is ... how Life is supposed to be. It can't stop for us ... only stop for the person who is feeling it.
Pain ... I know pain well. I've known it since a child so, there's no doubt I know when I feel it.
I am so thankful today is today ... that means I'm glad I'm in the present not the past. I'm glad I have sailed those waters where I faced every kind of storm through the years ... survived.
Yesterday a very, very sad thing happened to Skip and I. We can't talk about it ... the pain is too great. We can only go forward ... for now, going on means extra pain, grief in our Hearts. I saw Skip cry yesterday ... as I cried. I heard my husband actually cry for a brief moment as he covered it up.
The impression it has made in my mind ... seeing, hearing him breaks my very Heart. I've only seen him cry when I lay close to death during the times I fought my life-threatening battles. When a real man cries ... he is speaking love from his Heart aloud.
At first ... I didn't know what the sound was. I turned my head to see all the while trying to see for the tears in my eyes, pain in my Heart. I am crying silently as I write this morning. I am trying to write the pain again.
When I hurt just as when Tommy, my son died ... the pain is bigger than I am. I have to find my outlet to release the pressure just as you would to release water in a swollen dam before catastrophe strikes.
I can't, won't write ... speak about this Heart-breaking pain in my Heart this morning. I am coping with it as Skip will when he wakes up.
No one needs or has to feel they want/have to ask questions. This isn't the time.
Words can't help this ... only silent Love, Caring ... Prayers just to get past this.
If you see Me ... you will only see a smile ... if you see Skip you will see his everyday serious expression. You won't see our pain.
Skip Bates Skip and I have talked ... we know to go forward we have to put one foot in front of the other.
Today we have to do little positive things ... we can't dare sit, dwell about what has caused such pain. We have to ... we will make everything alright. Not the same again but, back ... alright.
No matter how bad ... Life always has a way of adjusting somehow to our grief, pain ... where we can live with it at the same time. How it possibly happens I don't know ... but, it did after Tommy died. Yes ... it can sometimes take years for it to happen. It doesn't happen overnight ... at least in my life it doesn't.
We will make this a quiet, nice Christmas. I will comfort Skip, he will comfort me. We will stay to ourselves to grow strong again as we've both been thrown to the ground ... we are in the process of dusting our pants off as we are getting back up. Get up ... we will.
Why did I write this ... it is ME. I am coping with my new pain, grief.
I AM the dam whose waters are swollen threatening to burst ... my written words ARE the waters released from the dam ... to find release, lessen the pain inside so, I can live another day.
So ... I can begin the process of being alright again ... help Skip to be alright again.
Sometimes things happen in Life that can't be spoken in words ... nor does one want to find the words to say. Sometimes, they may never be spoken about.
This is only real Life as I promised to always write. No, it isn't happy at this moment BUT ... I will make it all be better again. I will make Skip feel better again. I am the strongest for now ... it's my place to do so.
Everything IS going to be alright. I'm smiling now ... no tears are falling ... my cheeks are dry.
Words ... oh my, Words when I write them make all the difference as I can't sit down with other people ... actually talk about things that hurt ME. I'm not a person who can do that easily as I can't, won't ... pass my pain on to others. I can't cause pain to anyone if I possibly can help it. I care too much.
Today is Christmas Eve ... a new day. A new day to begin all over again. Just as if I went to accomplish anything I set out to do ... I will do the same today ... little by little ... making us go forward in time.
Everything will be alright again. I mean for it to bge.
Note by this Author: Words, photos are written, owned by ME, Gloria Faye Brown Bates.
My story today reflects how 'out of the blue' things happen unexpectedly to change one's life ... making it not the same anymore ... in the saddest, most upsetting way.
This is where we have to ... HAVE TO help ourselves instead of being so wrapped up in our pain ... help ourselves. No one else can know to know how to do that. For now, I know I have to be the leading force to accomplish this. For now, I am again the strongest one.
When we love any being ... animal or human ... they mean everything to us. Our Life is all about them. Our Hearts feel pure Love ... our Hearts hurt when they aren't any longer there.
Gloria Faye Brown Bates Tommy M Sidden Gloria Bates Colors Skip Bates
#Grief is pure Love, #When things happen out of the blue, #unexpected life events
