I Still Have To Live Until I Die...

I Still Have To Live Until I Die...

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I sit here listening to the sad music
Playing in the background on the tv
It keeps touching something in me
Pulls at me to make me feel sad

I feel afraid, it makes me think of death
Think of Tommy when he lay there
In that box at the funeral home
The box Taban wanted to climb up into

To be with his daddy
Little Taban knew his daddy went to heaven
What he didn't know was that he had died
Wouldn't ever be coming back

My heart broken, shattered
My eyes seeing this small child, knowing
That his daddy was gone, soon he'd realize
Daddy's not coming back home to him

He has to grow up without his father
His grandmother has to grow old without her son
Without her only child
He died that evening running, playing on the sand

Tommy died doing what he looked forward doing
Running, playing with Taban on the beach
Where he collapsed onto the sand
To never get up on his own again

My son died, my son died
Oh how I have cried, I have cried
Wanting my son to come back
For this to not be true

As time goes by, I am learning to accept
The death of Tommy, my only child
My son, a part of me
Is never coming back

He's never coming back
A part of me died that fateful evening
With my precious son
I have fought the darkness since then

I may seem to be okay, though
Grief is my constant companion
My black shadow
It follows me everywhere I go

It strikes at me when I begin to smile again
When I begin to feel happiness inside
I constantly push it away
Just as I would a spider web that blows in the wind

Stay back, grief... stay back
Let me have some peace
Let me smile, feel happy again
I still have to live until I die