Thursday, November 20, 2014

It's So Funny ... That I Cry ... Laughing

It's So Funny ... That I Cry ... Laughing
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee







(November 20, 2014 ... my son, Tommy, would have been 44 years old, today ... somehow, I got his birthday, Thanksgiving Day mixed up) ...


 


I didn't know I would cry ... today. Hey, I really didn't think I would cry ... anymore. You know ... everything is ... alright. Didn't I tell you it was? If I 'tell you' ... then, it's so.


I haven't cried one time ... I've cried several times ... and the day is just getting started. It's only 8:56 am. I have a feeling ... I'm going to shed more tears as the day goes by.


Now ... I know the ... source ... of being more emotional for the past week ... the feeling of choking on my tears; the feeling that if I begin to cry, I won't be able to stop.


Yet ... I am happy, now. Why would I be crying if I'm so happy? Do you know ... I wouldn't even talk about this to anyone ... but, I made a promise to many people ... 'you'.


'You' ... my readers, followers, friends ... it's the very reason I began to write, to blog ... to share the most worst feeling in this world.  To share something I know well in my life since being a child ... pain, grief of losing someone all the time ... whether they lived, died.


I promised to tell you 'like it really is' ...what 'really goes on' at every stage of ... 'this mother's grief'. My grief for the loss of my only child, my son ... Tommy.


I can't speak for anyone else ... I don't talk to anyone about ... grief. I can't. I can tell them I care ... am on the same journey in life ... when a mother loses her child. I can say I 'know you hurt', because I have ... oh, my God, I still do. I can say it, because I 'really know ... am experiencing' it for the rest of my life.


I'll never be a mother again ... it's always going to be that way ... until I am taking my last breath. I will be a ... dead, motherless woman when that day comes. Oh no! I want to laugh ... that sounds so funny. It's honestly what came to my mind ... so, I said it.


It sounds so funny, I'm going to cry again. This kind of humor hurts ... I tell myself something 'funny' ... then, I cry. Then ... for a few seconds ... I am mad. But ... I don't go wasting my time, wishing for Tommy to come back. That's all it is ... a waste of time. He's not going to come back ... even if I stood on my head. Nothing I do, say ... is going to change a thing. I'm not going to keep banging my head against the wall ...


I feel the waves of pain wash over me ... making my whole body shudder under the weight. My tears add to the already deep ocean of grief ... I've cried since the evening of May 29, 2010 ... has it been that long? It doesn't seem like that long ... until I actually said, wrote it.


Should I somehow, stop grieving automatically 'by now'? Is there something I don't know that other grieving mothers know? Am I grieving right ... is there a wrong, or right way? I ... learn as I go. I already knew how to grieve ... I lost most all my family.


It was just that I didn't know how to grieve for the loss ... of 'my own flesh, blood' ... my only child.


I know ... now. I'm still crying for Tommy ... I thought I could fool myself. I thought if 'I told you all' ... that everything's alright, that I didn't think I would cry anymore ... then, I wouldn't. I thought if I 'told you' ... then, I 'couldn't' cry anymore. This was my first test since telling you ... I'm sorry I lied to you.


I thought I would make myself never cry again ... because I would have to tell you ... I lied to you. Well, I did lie to you ... but, I really didn't mean to.


It was like a thief in the night ... if it had been a real thief ... I would be dead ... because I never heard, saw it coming. Grief is making itself known ... today ... Tommy's birthday.


I really 'knew' when this day came ... I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't feel all the terrible pain ... I've accepted it all. I've been feeling so happy ... strange enough, I still ... feel so happy!


I can't change a thing ... so, why should I cry about it. It's life ... it's death ... there's not a ... damn ... thing I can do about it.


Oh my ... I even feel 'just a tad angry' ... can you hear it in my words. I didn't mean to be. I'm not mad at all.


Yes, I know ... I've been telling you it's all going to be alright ... 'now'. It really is ... but, it doesn't stop the pain. Not only that ... the pain can blindside one ... me. I didn't see it coming. I 'knew' I was more emotional than I've been this past week ... for some time. I know 'why' ... now.


It's so strange ... I knew Tommy's birthday would be soon ... somehow, without realizing it ... I skipped to Thanksgiving Day ... today. Where did Tommy's birthday go? How did I think I was going to get past that? Well, if I 'didn't know' ... that's how, I guess.


In my mind ... today was going to be Thanksgiving Day. Now, that I think about it ... when was I going to realize ... Tommy's birthday comes before Thanksgiving ... did I 'go crazy, and not know it'? You know ... 'am I right'? I'm okay ... just trying to be 'funny' again.


Hellfire! I cooked our Thanksgiving Day meal, yesterday. If you stop a minute ... it's so funny! I think it's so funny that I ... cry ... laughing.


Well, we've already 'celebrated Thanksgiving' ... damn! It's so funny ... that I cry ... laughing.

 

 

 
 

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Someone's Ass Would Be In Serious Trouble ...

Someone's Ass Would Be In Serious Trouble ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...  I believe in 'good' ... I believe everyone should treat animals, people in a loving, kind way.  If not ... I believe if there's no doubt someone mistreated either person, animal ... they should get to experience every bad thing they inflicted upon a living being ... not only that ... for as long as they inflicted it upon either.  That's my 'Gloria Opinion' ... you know my opinions ... they don't change unless ... I ... really see ... where I'm wrong.  They have been known to change ...



 


Do you think there's ... really a difference ... between 'dog people' ... and 'cat people'? Really ... do you?

 

Do you think 'cat people' aren't the most honest, nicest people in the world? Do you think you can't trust them because they 'are like cats', themselves? Does that mean cats are dishonest ... sneaky ... deceitful? Is that what people mean when they say they don't ... like cat people?

 

'Dog people' on the other hand ... when you say 'they are dog people' ... one automatically associates that with honesty, the best people, just 'all good'. Have you ever taken note of that?

 

We are 'dog people' ... we 'pure love' our dogs. They are our life ... our world. We are for-real the 'best people' ... very good people. I have to say I've thought about a lot of 'dog people' ... really, not all dog people are the best.


People who have lots of animals ... may have them for other reasons than ... love. Whatever ... they should care for them to the best of their ability; never abuse them. Yet ... it happens all the time.

 

Starve, beat ... neglect ... the list goes on. I can't bear to think about these people ... why? I would want to reverse the situation ... let that person 'feel' everything he inflicted upon a living being ... be it animal or ... human.

 

I don't apologize for feeling that way ... if you 'can dish it out ... you should be able to take it'. You should get to experience every thing you do to a living being ... be it good, or bad. In a perfect world ... all people, animals would know only love.

 

You say two wrongs ... don't make a right? This is strictly a 'Gloria Opinion' ... and I hold my ground on it. I think when it comes to people ... animals ... and there's no doubt of the cruelty one has inflicted on a living being ... they should get to see 'how it feels for as long as they did it to another living being'.


I won't argue about how I feel ... I'm not giving roses to someone who has been cruel to a person ... animal. Are you?


I think about these things as I hear about them ... see the ugly things people do. I guess it's a good thing ... I'm not the judge, jury, the one who metes out punishment. Someone's ass would be in serious trouble. That's right ...




Photo/story are both owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

So ... If That Means Being A 'Goody Two-Shoes' ... So Be It!

So ... If That Means Being A 'Goody Two-Shoes' ... So Be It!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee (&grannygee)



Photo is of me as a younger 'Granny Gee' ... photo/story both, are owned by me... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  I wasn't a 'Goody Two-Shoes'.


 

 

I have been thinking a lot ... what do I think about ... so much? Truthfully, my mind never stays on any one thing. Too boring. It would be like painting all in ... one color ... if I thought about only a few things.


Not only that ... I think about things most people wouldn't think about. That's like ... painting in exotic colors. I think in colors ... the stories in my life are ... the colors of my life.


The color I hate the worst is ... black. Somehow, 'black' has touched my life with its unwelcomed color ... a lot, through the years. I'd rather choose a black color when I needed it ... like when I outline my drawings ... with a Sharpie pen.


The worse black color is ... death. Death of a dear, loved one. I have experienced many shades of black ... I have lost most all my family. I lost the very members of ... my family ... that I truly loved, as a child. I'm not saying I liked them ... as an adult, though.


Several ... one in particular ... was ... evil. Maybe because of living in the house that guarded one of the portals ... to hell. It's a wonder I'm not a ... demon. Maybe that's why I could be a demon ... if I didn't have so, much 'good' in me.


I love happy, good, heart-touching things in life. I was different ... in my family. If I'd been 'bad', I would have been looked up to, admired. How do I know? I took a few 'bad' roads in my life ... they loved it.


I 'wasn't bad enough' to travel the roads I began to try to go down ... 'I had to come back'. I wasn't ... tough enough. I was 'too good' ... inside. I couldn't do ... 'bad' things that hurt others. I didn't like to be mean, hateful ... evil.


I would have been good at it ... if 'there had been a bad bone' in my body. I learned from the best ... I 'lost respect' when I wouldn't go on to be 'bad' ... I also, gained a 'reluctant respect' because ... I had the nerve to say ... no! I was called something I hated to be called ... that's not 'me' at all ...'goody two-shoes'.


I know how it feels to hurt ... I know many shades of pain ... the very worse being ... the death of Tommy, my son. Many of my followers, readers know this about me ... you've all traveled on this road ... with me.


I promised you I would tell you how a mother's grief really is, as it happened. I have kept my promise, just as I'll always write about the grief as it happens through time. Write about it ... as it changes.


I'm glad to ... be at this stage in my grief. I can live now ... I can smile, laugh, truly feel happiness ... now. It's wonderful to do this ... without feeling ... such guilt.


My blog was born out of grief for my son. Thank-God, I had it to go to ... truthfully, I would have never made it this far ... if I hadn't had an outlet. Thank-God, I found a way to let the river of pain ... flow out as it tried to destroy me. Thank-God, all of you have been there these past four years ... encouraging, caring about me.


There was a time after Tommy died ... I did almost die. Skip stopped that from happening. There is a powerful medicine that was given to me ... I'm not used to taking such medicine ...


I couldn't remember taking it ... I didn't realize I was taking it ... each time I woke up. I've never taken drugs ... and this was the most powerful medicine I ever met up with.


I wasn't aware Skip was watching me, worrying about me ... dying. He broke through my grief to make me realize I almost died. He stood watching me ... he told me he couldn't hear me breathe, barely see me breathing. He was very afraid for me.


After several weeks ... I began to go the grief 'all by myself'. I never took medicine again. I met that 'damn grief ... head on'. I was in another world ... one that was foggy, stormy, dark ... scary.


I've never known such horrible ... storms ... in my life. This ship ... stood in the wind ... battered as hell ... but, I'm still here.


I do remember this ... people say the 'damnest things' ... thinking it helped me. I stayed away from them ... they thought my son was 'in a better place' ... In a better place? He didn't want to die to go to a 'better place'.


I didn't feel comfort from those words ... in fact, it made me angry ... inside, though ... I knew people were well-meaning. They'd heard that all their life ... and they encountered a situation when that was ... all they knew to say. I know ... if it had been their child ... those words were be last ones they would want to hear ... they just hadn't been in that situation ... yet.


Today, the thoughts in my mind have been ... sort of like when you want to go back in the past ... try to move things out of your way ... so, you can see what happened. I try to do that in my mind ... go back to see, remember those three years I've lost, grieving for my child.


I think I'm stronger now ... I want to know. You know more from my writing what happened ... than what I ... remember. Those of you who have faithfully followed me for the whole time ... have meant the world to me.


It's strange how 'threes' have played a part in my life. Three years of the worst grief I've ever known. Three years of battling cancer (non-Hodgkin lymphoma) to live. Three seems to be an important number in my life.


I give a person 'normally' ... three chances to do right with me. After the third time ... that's it. I stay nice ... but, I don't forget ... never. I smile ...


I could go on, I won't. I'm sure you also, have a limit in your life with 'how much you'll put up with'. If you don't ... you just as well lay down on the floor with your rugs ... act like one so, people can physically ... step on you. It all hurts ... just as bad.


Today ... the sky is gray, cloudy. I'm sure they influenced my thoughts as I wrote. I can imagine if the sunshine had been out ... I would have written on a lighter note. These seem to be my thoughts for today ... for a few minutes ... at least :)


You know I'm not a gloomy person ... I know that no matter how bad things get, are ... one way or the other ... everything's going to be alright. It always is ... I know this for a fact.


I've had many, many bad things in my life ... somehow, though sometimes, it takes time ... everything finally became ... alright.


I don't think many of us can go through a lifetime without seeing dark colors in our life. The good thing is there are many ... shades of colors in life.


I hope to see many, many colors in my life, at this stage. I would like to know many good things, experience many good things, hear many good things... feel them all. I would love to see many good things happen in everyone's life ...


I would love to hear about them ... I love for my Heart to be touched.


It's the tears of joy that bother me ... they wet my face ... make my nose stuffy, hard to breathe ... make my Heart feel like a big fireplace that only burns brighter, happier like another log's been thrown on it ... when I hear of good things ... happening to you.


I do know what happiness feels like (I'm so happy, now) ... happiness feels good ... happy :)! I wish it for you, too. Happiness feels good! So, if that means being a 'goody two-shoes' ... so, be it!

Monday, November 10, 2014

Finding It Hard To Cry ... Now

Finding It Hard To Cry ... Now
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee 







 



I imagine myself walking on the sand ... once again

Once again ... to feel my son

My mind ... went back to the last night

To the night ... I saw him last

In the box ... out of the corner of my eye

The box with ... all ... that ... light

A light ... spotlighting a figure lying inside a ... box

A little three year old boy trying to climb up

To see his daddy for the last time

Daddy! Daddy! I want to see my Daddy!

I was too far away ... though ... I was there

There, at the opposite side of the room

I couldn't feel anything ... the powerful medicine

Protected me from the awful knowledge, pain

Of ... knowing my only child, my son ... was dead

I tried to float to where my son lay in the box

Somehow, I couldn't make it there

I floated to a couch, to sit beside my son's aunt

I was a leaf blowing in the wind ... I moved

When the wind ... blew

Here, there ... I had no control

It seemed I smiled a soft smile, while floating in a dream

An awful dream ... that for the moment didn't make me hurt

Until ... my eyes would look toward ... the box in the bright light

Did they shine a spotlight on him? Was it my imagination?

When I looked, I saw him vividly ... my baby, my child ... my son

Whose little boy was trying to climb inside the box ... my grandson

I wasn't aware of anything ... yet, I was ... but, wasn't

How was I alive ... oh my God ... Tommy's dead

I should be dead ... the worst had happened ... my child was gone

I looked around ... his wife was greeting people, smiling

Was I at a party? I'm sure she was on the medicine that numbs one

Numbs one from the pain ... I wondered before, how people could smile ... now, I know

Walking on the damp sand, stopping to wiggle my toes

Feel the spray from the waves washing up on the shore

Close my eyes, feel the sunshine caress my skin

The wind blew to dry my tears

I can now, only cry in my mind ... my imagination

I can't cry aloud, anymore ... I'm not sure 'why' ...

I'm sleepy now ... I will go lay me down

To sleep the peace of being asleep

I miss my son, Tommy ... I never forget

I feel the pain after four years ... in a different way

Strange ... I don't cry out loud, now ... only in my mind

This month, Tommy would have been forty-four years old

Do you say Happy Birthday to the ... dead?

Is it right to say, 'Happy Birthday, Tommy'?

I still grieve for you, Son ... no one but, me ... knows it, now

I always remember your birthday, I should

I gave birth to you ... you were my baby boy

You were the only child I ever had ... I don't have you, anymore

I have no ties to you, Son ... two children you had

Never hearing from them, severed the bond I once had

I don't know they can ever be mended again

When you died, all that was a part of you died as well

I'm the only part alive ... that I know

Why? Because ... at one time, I used to be a mother

I can only 'see you' in expressions you had ... like mine

Hear you at times in some things I say, you said like me

Feel you, when we say something ... you would have said

I wonder how other grieving mothers feel

Do they go through such as I

Is this how one grieves ... in the fourth year?

Grieve in a way one can't cry?

Grieve in a way ... you can speak your child's name

Without crying ... finding it hard to cry ... now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 



 

Friday, October 31, 2014

"Mama ... Everything's Going To Be Alright" ...

"Mama ... Everything's Going To Be Alright" ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka #Granny Gee











 

A young mother gives birth to a baby boy

The birth was unlike anything she'd ever known

She had an unusually hard time bringing her child into this world

Be quiet, the nurse tells her, quit making noise

The mother is in horrible pain, bites her hand to hold it in

Other women older than her, were crying ... moaning

She had been the only one who was quiet at the beginning

Until she couldn't bear the pain any longer

Now ... she was told to be quiet ... she really tried to

The night before her baby was born, there was an earthquake

She was in labor, in the worse pain

Felt her bed move, thought it was her imagination

Maybe her little son was fighting to not be born

He was carried 10 months in the womb

Labor induced on a Monday ... he was born on Thursday

All signs pointed to her baby not wanting to be born

Looking back as an older woman, she 'sees' why

Her son went through much heartache, sadness in his life

She remembers panicking when her son was a few weeks old

Looking down at his sweet, little face

Oh, my God, what have I done ... bringing a child into this mean, old world?

Thoughts of not being able to protect her child from pain in life

Made her lose her breath ... oh, why ... did she bring this innocent baby

Into the world? She held her baby close to her chest, closed her eyes

She knew she would protect him all she could

Also, knew ... there would be many times she couldn't keep him

From feeling pain ... feeling pain in his heart, his body

She knew very well the pain life could have as one became older

Being betrayed, hurt by people who claim to love you

The worse being family one was brought up to trust

Please God, protect my little baby all through his life

Don't let him know the pain I've experienced

Please let people he trusts, never let him down

The mother worried over her child, he was a part of her

When he hurt ... she felt his pain just as if it were her

There came times in his life ... she couldn't protect him

Things he had to learn on his own ... he never knew how she cried

Knowing he was hurting ... couldn't take the pain of life's lessons

Away ... make it easier for him ... she would have if she could

Her baby grew up, she loved him with her very being

He was the only child she ever had ... she wouldn't have any more

Life was hard with only one child ... she couldn't bear to have another

Then ... one day ... a phone call came ... ma'am, I have a collapsed man

Here ... on the sand; he's not breathing

She ... died that day ... lived in darkness so, she couldn't see, hear ... think ... it was too much

Her mind keeps going back to the ocean where her son died

She hears the sea gulls in her mind ... they are always singing

Tommy, come home ... Tommy come home

Her mind focuses on the soft, damp sand where her son laid

Collapsed, no longer breathing ... two blockages in his heart

No one knew he'd been sick ... he died at the young age of ... 40

She 'sees' angels on either side of him, softening his fall to the sand

They stand, watching over Taban ... his 3 year old son, until ...

The little group of people noticed, came to help

In her mind, she hears the sea gulls joyfully singing ...

Tommy, come home ... Tommy, let your spirit soar with us

It's time for you ... it's your time to ... come home

No longer does the mother cry ... finally she has peace in her Heart

She wrote the grief in her Heart ... it was her only outlet

People all over the world, her husband ... comforted her

They read her words, cared with their Hearts ... shed their tears

Let her know ... she wasn't alone; Now, in her Heart

She wants to say thank-you to everyone of you who cared ... you mean the world to her

Thank-you from my Heart ... my readers/followers are a part of me

Just as my world (Skip and our 3 Pups) are to me

I treasure knowing I'm ... really ... not alone ... you are there for me

I've only become stronger for all my pain ... I'm alright, now

Four years, I fought the waves of grief ... became lost in the sea of darkness

Thrown against the rocks ... my soul tearing apart ... I couldn't bear the knowledge my only child was gone forever

Today ... almost 4 1/2 years later ... I've been waking up each morning

With joy, peace of mind ... happiness I haven't known in so long

Gratefulness in my Heart ... knowing ... everything is going to be alright

My only child died ... almost destroying me

The only comfort was knowing we were close, he knew he was very much loved ...

By the mother who brought him into this world ... who never knew ... she would live to see her only child ... die

I've outlived my son ... something no parent should have to do

I'm at peace, now ... the comfort of knowing nothing can hurt him

I can see his sweet, sweet smile ... his loving eyes, his soft voice saying to me ... "Mama, everything's going to be alright"

 

Photo/true poem is owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee &grannygee.

 

Note by this author:



I never thought I would see, feel happiness ... joy in the rest of my life.

Somehow ... a miracle has happened inside of me ... the sun shines on my very soul, warms my Heart ... making it easy for me to smile again.

I am so thankful ... no one can imagine what happens to a mother ... when her child dies. No one realizes that a mother comes close to death, herself ... coping with such a terrible knowledge.

It is a ... miracle ... when a mother can come out on the other side of grief ... to smile again.

I'm one of the mothers who can ... I know it is 'almost impossible' to reach where I am at ... inside. I made it ... I've really made it.

I have been writing my grief all this time, keeping my promise to 'tell you like it is' ... you know some of what I have experienced ... there's no way I could tell you 'all'.

I 'wanted to help myself ... wanted to come back' ... to make it to ... 'right now'. I 'wanted to come back' ... live the rest of my life smiling ... not waste it ... crying.

A mother can still grieve in 'a good way' for her child ... reach a point she can be alright, again. This mother can ... now.

Who would have thought my journey through the world of 'pure grief' ... would turn out this way? I'm so thankful ...

I promise keep my promise ... to keep writing about 'my grief' ... so, you can always 'see where I'm at' ... Love, Gloria/Granny Gee

 
 

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Laughing Box In The ... Air

Laughing Box In The ... Air
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Photo is of my son, Tommy ... and myself, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...............
Photo/story are both owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka #Granny Gee



 

Tommy and I boarded our flight ... we were on our way back home. He was carrying a box in his hand. It was a toy ... with blue 'fur'. It had eyes on it.

This special box could make people smile. When Tommy turned it on ... I would begin to laugh; become so tickled. The different laughs the box made ... would tickle anyone's funny bone. Anyone in hearing distance would begin smiling ... breaking out into a laugh.

Tommy was a little boy ... he got a kick out of unexpectedly turning on ... his laughing box!

We were looking out the window as we flew. I sat there in a world of my own ... I was thinking that if I didn't know better ... I wasn't really flying. Everything was so calm, quiet ... until ... oh no!

Tommy turned his laughing box on! I was trying to hide myself! Then ... I began to hear laughter ... everyone began laughing! The stewardess came to Tommy, smiling.

She asked me if he could go to the cockpit with her, show his laughing box to the pilot. I told her "sure"!

They walked away ... in a few minutes, what comes over the intercom? Laughter from the laughing box! People were laughing so hard ... I was, too!

Tommy had the best time talking to the pilot, and stewardess. They made him feel very special ... they loved his laughing box!

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I Got His Message ... Left Him Alone!

I Got His Message ... Left Him Alone!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


(This is Kissy Fairchild, our Rottie now ... and Chadwick Elsworth, our perfectly-mixed Pup.  We have three Pups ... Camie isn't in this photo) ...


 

Many years ago, I did something really wild, crazy. All in the name of ... trimming the nails of an ... unwillingly Rottweiler.

He was the first Rottweiler I ever had. I trimmed his nail from a pup up until he was an adult. I had to begin bribing him with vanilla wafers as time went by.

It worked for a long time ... I could trim his nails quickly before he finished them. Well ... the day came that he didn't want his nails trimmed, anymore ....

He would growl at me ... it intimidated me! He was big enough to back it up ... he wasn't any long a baby. I tried bribing him with the ... whole box of vanilla wafers. It only worked for several nails ... I never got the rest of them, so ......................

I began thinking of ways to trim his nails ... without him being able to bite me. I came up with a wonderful idea ... or so, I thought!

I took a sheet, cut out four holes in it for his legs. I knew his tail, head .... would be fine the way the sheet would come up around him. I found a rope to tie to the corners of the sheet (all corners together, and rope tied tightly around them).

I asked my son, Tommy .... and brother ... to help me 'hoist' my Rottweiler into the air from a rafter above, in an unfinished room.

They did, and I went to clip his nails ... I heard the most ferocious growl I'd ever heard from him. It intimidated me so much, that I told them to let him down!

Once he was down, he began wagging his little nub ... and was happy! I was, too ... because I felt that growl go through my body; it scared me!

I tried it once after that, with the old vanilla wafer trick ... he put his big mouth on my wrist, held it firmly ... looked me in the eyes! I got his message ... I left him alone.

 

Photo, story owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka #Granny Gee &grannygee

Monday, October 27, 2014

Spank Me!

Spank Me!
Spank Me! By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee







Every day at one time or other ... he ... needs to be ... spanked! You know ... you hear about such all the time. He's no different ... he's so happy when he is ... spanked.


He backs up with his rear to you ... wiggles it ... makes a sound like a bear ... growling! He wants to let you know to ... spank him! He is in 'Spank Heaven' ... when you notice, and say ... "I'm going to 'pank-pank' you"!


You reach out, begin to pat his bottom, gently ... he is wiggling the whole time, growling ... sounding like a bear. He is so happy!


Our huge Rottie loves to be ... 'pank-panked'! The 'spanks' are gentle pats on his behind ... while he is being 'spanked' ... we talk baby talk to him.


He growls in the sweetest 'bear' voice ... wiggling his behind the whole time. Kissy Fairchild, our Rottie, has been doing that since he was a baby. Now, he weighs way over 100 pounds, and is going to be 4 years old on ... November 02nd.


He loves to 'stalk', also. He'll begin to walk toward me ... one foot at a time ... looking me in the eyes. He is very slow ... deliberate. I'll begin moving one foot at a time, looking him back in the face ... moving toward him very slow ... deliberate.


When we 'meet in the middle' ... Kissy Fairchild will begin wiggling all over, run to me to be loved, hugged, kissed! It's so precious!


Kissy knows how to 'express himself', also. We can say ... 'express yourself, express yourself' ... he'll come running. He'll grab his toy, come run around in a little circle in front of us ... then, run between our legs, run back through! It's so funny ... I'm short, so ... he could knock me down. I have to hold my legs strong ...


Oh! When I have a long nightgown on ... it's funny! When Kissy wiggles ... he is saying ... hug me! or spank me!




Photo is of our Rottie, Kissy Fairchild ... and my husband, Skip. Story, photo is owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee. I first wrote this story for http://www.tsu.co/GrannyGee.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Making Grief As Positive ... As Possibly Can Be

Making Grief As Positive ... As Possibly Can Be
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee





 

Holidays are around the corner. Everyone will gather around their loved ones ... just as Christmas presents surround a Christmas tree.

Sons, daughters, mothers ... fathers; grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. Friends, acquaintances ... everyone gathers for a jolly good time at holidays.

Holidays are made cheerful if snow begins to fall to cover a world with magic. Magic that instantly changes something ordinary ... into something extraordinary! Our imaginations make something we know, see ... even more special!

Parents wait for their children to come home. Sometimes, they have to drive long distances. They can't rest until each one arrives safely. The same when children wait for their parents to arrive.

We are all grateful when gathered around the dining table ... and ... no one is missing.

At holidays ... 'now' ... we have someone special missing. No one sits at his place ... he's not here. He's gone ... gone forever. He won't ever be back to ... sit there, anymore.

I can accept that. It's taken over three years to ... fully ... accept that my son is really gone; he can't ever come back.

'Now' ... I can cope with it. Now ... I have come full-circle to becoming happy once again. Everything is going to be ... alright.

My son is gone ... Tommy is gone ... grief is still in my Heart ... just in a different way. I've worked at making ... my grief ... as positive as it can possibly be.


Story/photo are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I wrote this story for http://www.tsu.co/GrannyGee
 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

'THE PHONE CALL' ...

'THE PHONE CALL' ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee





 

Something has happened to me ... I can't explain it. I can only describe it.

For the past several weeks, I've been experiencing this feeling I haven't known in a long time.

What is it? I think I know ... because I actually am ... using the word that I ... myself ... can't believe my mouth is saying. I am ... I am ... Well, I am ... I wonder, should I tell you?

Each morning ... I wake up with this new feeling I haven't known in 4 years. I wonder if it's okay to feel this way ... now? You know, my only child died ... do I have a right to say ... I am ... ?

Can one be ... _______ , grieve at the same time? Is it possible? I've worked very hard on my own to cope with my grief ... I've never talked to anyone about my grief. I don't share things, easily.

Thankfully ...through the past 4 years, I've had you (yes, all my followers/readers). You've 'been there' for me ... encouraged me ... and let me have an outlet for all the ugly grief, pain that filled my insides ... like a balloon full of helium.

Skip, our Pups ... my whole world in this world ... have been there. I never worried Skip with my grief ... I just didn't talk about how it really felt. I could only write about such feelings ... I've never felt such pain, unhappiness ... in my whole life.

My son, my only child ... is gone. He died ... he really died. I really got 'the phone call' ... every parent doesn't ever want to get. Tommy was forty years old when I got it ... Tommy collapsed at the beach on the sand ... with two blockages to his heart. No one knew ... I was two hundred miles away ... I was the first one to know.

Now ... 4 years later ... it's like a dream. I don't cry like I did for the past 3 years ... Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I grieve, cry for the rest of my life? Should I even be feeling ... what I've felt for several weeks? Is it a shameful thing to be ______ ? Would Tommy think ... I didn't love him ... to feel this way?

I'm going to say the word that will tell you what I've been feeling for several weeks, now. HAPPY ... is the word that describes what I've been feeling for the past several weeks ... the first time since Tommy died. So ... HAPPY ... maybe I should be hung out on a stake, burned? Is it okay to feel ... HAPPY? Is it?

I'm going to say it once more ... I have felt such HAPPINESS for the past several weeks ... I'm actually using/saying the word ... HAPPY ... it's truly amazing to feel such a beautiful feeling!

I've been so HAPPY for the first time in 4 years ... since the day I got ... 'the phone call'.



Photos/story are owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee  &grannygee