Friday, October 31, 2014

"Mama ... Everything's Going To Be Alright" ...

"Mama ... Everything's Going To Be Alright" ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka #Granny Gee











 

A young mother gives birth to a baby boy

The birth was unlike anything she'd ever known

She had an unusually hard time bringing her child into this world

Be quiet, the nurse tells her, quit making noise

The mother is in horrible pain, bites her hand to hold it in

Other women older than her, were crying ... moaning

She had been the only one who was quiet at the beginning

Until she couldn't bear the pain any longer

Now ... she was told to be quiet ... she really tried to

The night before her baby was born, there was an earthquake

She was in labor, in the worse pain

Felt her bed move, thought it was her imagination

Maybe her little son was fighting to not be born

He was carried 10 months in the wound

Labor induced on a Monday ... he was born on Thursday

All signs pointed to her baby not wanting to be born

Looking back as an older woman, she 'sees' why

Her son went through much heartache, sadness in his life

She remembers panicking when her son was a few weeks old

Looking down at his sweet, little face

Oh, my God, what have I done ... bringing a child into this mean, old world?

Thoughts of not being able to protect her child from pain in life

Made her lose her breath ... oh, why ... did she bring this innocent baby

Into the world? She held her baby close to her chest, closed her eyes

She knew she would protect him all she could

Also, knew ... there would be many times she couldn't keep him

From feeling pain ... feeling pain in his heart, his body

She knew very well the pain life could have as one became older

Being betrayed, hurt by people who claim to love you

The worse being family one was brought up to trust

Please God, protect my little baby all through his life

Don't let him know the pain I've experienced

Please let people he trusts, never let him down

The mother worried over her child, he was a part of her

When he hurt ... she felt his pain just as if it were her

There came times in his life ... she couldn't protect him

Things he had to learn on his own ... he never knew how she cried

Knowing he was hurting ... couldn't take the pain of life's lessons

Away ... make it easier for him ... she would have if she could

Her baby grew up, she loved him with her very being

He was the only child she ever had ... she wouldn't have any more

Life was hard with only one child ... she couldn't bear to have another

Then ... one day ... a phone call came ... ma'am, I have a collapsed man

Here ... on the sand; he's not breathing

She ... died that day ... lived in darkness so, she couldn't see, hear ... think ... it was too much

Her mind keeps going back to the ocean where her son died

She hears the sea gulls in her mind ... they are always singing

Tommy, come home ... Tommy come home

Her mind focuses on the soft, damp sand where her son laid

Collapsed, no longer breathing ... two blockages in his heart

No one knew he'd been sick ... he died at the young age of ... 40

She 'sees' angels on either side of him, softening his fall to the sand

They stand, watching over Taban ... his 3 year old son, until ...

The little group of people noticed, came to help

In her mind, she hears the sea gulls joyfully singing ...

Tommy, come home ... Tommy, let your spirit soar with us

It's time for you ... it's your time to ... come home

No longer does the mother cry ... finally she has peace in her Heart

She wrote the grief in her Heart ... it was her only outlet

People all over the world, her husband ... comforted her

They read her words, cared with their Hearts ... shed their tears

Let her know ... she wasn't alone; Now, in her Heart

She wants to say thank-you to everyone of you who cared ... you mean the world to her

Thank-you from my Heart ... my readers/followers are a part of me

Just as my world (Skip and our 3 Pups) are to me

I treasure knowing I'm ... really ... not alone ... you are there for me

I've only become stronger for all my pain ... I'm alright, now

Four years, I fought the waves of grief ... became lost in the sea of darkness

Thrown against the rocks ... my soul tearing apart ... I couldn't bear the knowledge my only child was gone forever

Today ... almost 4 1/2 years later ... I've been waking up each morning

With joy, peace of mind ... happiness I haven't known in so long

Gratefulness in my Heart ... knowing ... everything is going to be alright

My only child died ... almost destroying me

The only comfort was knowing we were close, he knew he was very much loved ...

By the mother who brought him into this world ... who never knew ... she would live to see her only child ... die

I've outlived my son ... something no parent should have to do

I'm at peace, now ... the comfort of knowing nothing can hurt him

I can see his sweet, sweet smile ... his loving eyes, his soft voice saying to me ... "Mama, everything's going to be alright"

 

Photo/true poem is owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee &grannygee.

 

Note by this author:



I never thought I would see, feel happiness ... joy in the rest of my life.

Somehow ... a miracle has happened inside of me ... the sun shines on my very soul, warms my Heart ... making it easy for me to smile again.

I am so thankful ... no one can imagine what happens to a mother ... when her child dies. No one realizes that a mother comes close to death, herself ... coping with such a terrible knowledge.

It is a ... miracle ... when a mother can come out on the other side of grief ... to smile again.

I'm one of the mothers who can ... I know it is 'almost impossible' to reach where I am at ... inside. I made it ... I've really made it.

I have been writing my grief all this time, keeping my promise to 'tell you like it is' ... you know some of what I have experienced ... there's no way I could tell you 'all'.

I 'wanted to help myself ... wanted to come back' ... to make it to ... 'right now'. I 'wanted to come back' ... live the rest of my life smiling ... not waste it ... crying.

A mother can still grieve in 'a good way' for her child ... reach a point she can be alright, again. This mother can ... now.

Who would have thought my journey through the world of 'pure grief' ... would turn out this way? I'm so thankful ...

I promise keep my promise ... to keep writing about 'my grief' ... so, you can always 'see where I'm at' ... Love, Gloria/Granny Gee

 
 

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Laughing Box In The ... Air

Laughing Box In The ... Air
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Photo is of my son, Tommy ... and myself, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee ...............
Photo/story are both owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka #Granny Gee



 

Tommy and I boarded our flight ... we were on our way back home. He was carrying a box in his hand. It was a toy ... with blue 'fur'. It had eyes on it.

This special box could make people smile. When Tommy turned it on ... I would begin to laugh; become so tickled. The different laughs the box made ... would tickle anyone's funny bone. Anyone in hearing distance would begin smiling ... breaking out into a laugh.

Tommy was a little boy ... he got a kick out of unexpectedly turning on ... his laughing box!

We were looking out the window as we flew. I sat there in a world of my own ... I was thinking that if I didn't know better ... I wasn't really flying. Everything was so calm, quiet ... until ... oh no!

Tommy turned his laughing box on! I was trying to hide myself! Then ... I began to hear laughter ... everyone began laughing! The stewardess came to Tommy, smiling.

She asked me if he could go to the cockpit with her, show his laughing box to the pilot. I told her "sure"!

They walked away ... in a few minutes, what comes over the intercom? Laughter from the laughing box! People were laughing so hard ... I was, too!

Tommy had the best time talking to the pilot, and stewardess. They made him feel very special ... they loved his laughing box!

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I Got His Message ... Left Him Alone!

I Got His Message ... Left Him Alone!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


(This is Kissy Fairchild, our Rottie now ... and Chadwick Elsworth, our perfectly-mixed Pup.  We have three Pups ... Camie isn't in this photo) ...


 

Many years ago, I did something really wild, crazy. All in the name of ... trimming the nails of an ... unwillingly Rottweiler.

He was the first Rottweiler I ever had. I trimmed his nail from a pup up until he was an adult. I had to begin bribing him with vanilla wafers as time went by.

It worked for a long time ... I could trim his nails quickly before he finished them. Well ... the day came that he didn't want his nails trimmed, anymore ....

He would growl at me ... it intimidated me! He was big enough to back it up ... he wasn't any long a baby. I tried bribing him with the ... whole box of vanilla wafers. It only worked for several nails ... I never got the rest of them, so ......................

I began thinking of ways to trim his nails ... without him being able to bite me. I came up with a wonderful idea ... or so, I thought!

I took a sheet, cut out four holes in it for his legs. I knew his tail, head .... would be fine the way the sheet would come up around him. I found a rope to tie to the corners of the sheet (all corners together, and rope tied tightly around them).

I asked my son, Tommy .... and brother ... to help me 'hoist' my Rottweiler into the air from a rafter above, in an unfinished room.

They did, and I went to clip his nails ... I heard the most ferocious growl I'd ever heard from him. It intimidated me so much, that I told them to let him down!

Once he was down, he began wagging his little nub ... and was happy! I was, too ... because I felt that growl go through my body; it scared me!

I tried it once after that, with the old vanilla wafer trick ... he put his big mouth on my wrist, held it firmly ... looked me in the eyes! I got his message ... I left him alone.

 

Photo, story owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka #Granny Gee &grannygee

Monday, October 27, 2014

Spank Me!

Spank Me!
Spank Me! By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee







Every day at one time or other ... he ... needs to be ... spanked! You know ... you hear about such all the time. He's no different ... he's so happy when he is ... spanked.


He backs up with his rear to you ... wiggles it ... makes a sound like a bear ... growling! He wants to let you know to ... spank him! He is in 'Spank Heaven' ... when you notice, and say ... "I'm going to 'pank-pank' you"!


You reach out, begin to pat his bottom, gently ... he is wiggling the whole time, growling ... sounding like a bear. He is so happy!


Our huge Rottie loves to be ... 'pank-panked'! The 'spanks' are gentle pats on his behind ... while he is being 'spanked' ... we talk baby talk to him.


He growls in the sweetest 'bear' voice ... wiggling his behind the whole time. Kissy Fairchild, our Rottie, has been doing that since he was a baby. Now, he weighs way over 100 pounds, and is going to be 4 years old on ... November 02nd.


He loves to 'stalk', also. He'll begin to walk toward me ... one foot at a time ... looking me in the eyes. He is very slow ... deliberate. I'll begin moving one foot at a time, looking him back in the face ... moving toward him very slow ... deliberate.


When we 'meet in the middle' ... Kissy Fairchild will begin wiggling all over, run to me to be loved, hugged, kissed! It's so precious!


Kissy knows how to 'express himself', also. We can say ... 'express yourself, express yourself' ... he'll come running. He'll grab his toy, come run around in a little circle in front of us ... then, run between our legs, run back through! It's so funny ... I'm short, so ... he could knock me down. I have to hold my legs strong ...


Oh! When I have a long nightgown on ... it's funny! When Kissy wiggles ... he is saying ... hug me! or spank me!




Photo is of our Rottie, Kissy Fairchild ... and my husband, Skip. Story, photo is owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee. I first wrote this story for http://www.tsu.co/GrannyGee.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Making Grief As Positive ... As Possibly Can Be

Making Grief As Positive ... As Possibly Can Be
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee





 

Holidays are around the corner. Everyone will gather around their loved ones ... just as Christmas presents surround a Christmas tree.

Sons, daughters, mothers ... fathers; grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins. Friends, acquaintances ... everyone gathers for a jolly good time at holidays.

Holidays are made cheerful if snow begins to fall to cover a world with magic. Magic that instantly changes something ordinary ... into something extraordinary! Our imaginations make something we know, see ... even more special!

Parents wait for their children to come home. Sometimes, they have to drive long distances. They can't rest until each one arrives safely. The same when children wait for their parents to arrive.

We are all grateful when gathered around the dining table ... and ... no one is missing.

At holidays ... 'now' ... we have someone special missing. No one sits at his place ... he's not here. He's gone ... gone forever. He won't ever be back to ... sit there, anymore.

I can accept that. It's taken over three years to ... fully ... accept that my son is really gone; he can't ever come back.

'Now' ... I can cope with it. Now ... I have come full-circle to becoming happy once again. Everything is going to be ... alright.

My son is gone ... Tommy is gone ... grief is still in my Heart ... just in a different way. I've worked at making ... my grief ... as positive as it can possibly be.


Story/photo are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I wrote this story for http://www.tsu.co/GrannyGee
 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

'THE PHONE CALL' ...

'THE PHONE CALL' ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee





 

Something has happened to me ... I can't explain it. I can only describe it.

For the past several weeks, I've been experiencing this feeling I haven't known in a long time.

What is it? I think I know ... because I actually am ... using the word that I ... myself ... can't believe my mouth is saying. I am ... I am ... Well, I am ... I wonder, should I tell you?

Each morning ... I wake up with this new feeling I haven't known in 4 years. I wonder if it's okay to feel this way ... now? You know, my only child died ... do I have a right to say ... I am ... ?

Can one be ... _______ , grieve at the same time? Is it possible? I've worked very hard on my own to cope with my grief ... I've never talked to anyone about my grief. I don't share things, easily.

Thankfully ...through the past 4 years, I've had you (yes, all my followers/readers). You've 'been there' for me ... encouraged me ... and let me have an outlet for all the ugly grief, pain that filled my insides ... like a balloon full of helium.

Skip, our Pups ... my whole world in this world ... have been there. I never worried Skip with my grief ... I just didn't talk about how it really felt. I could only write about such feelings ... I've never felt such pain, unhappiness ... in my whole life.

My son, my only child ... is gone. He died ... he really died. I really got 'the phone call' ... every parent doesn't ever want to get. Tommy was forty years old when I got it ... Tommy collapsed at the beach on the sand ... with two blockages to his heart. No one knew ... I was two hundred miles away ... I was the first one to know.

Now ... 4 years later ... it's like a dream. I don't cry like I did for the past 3 years ... Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I grieve, cry for the rest of my life? Should I even be feeling ... what I've felt for several weeks? Is it a shameful thing to be ______ ? Would Tommy think ... I didn't love him ... to feel this way?

I'm going to say the word that will tell you what I've been feeling for several weeks, now. HAPPY ... is the word that describes what I've been feeling for the past several weeks ... the first time since Tommy died. So ... HAPPY ... maybe I should be hung out on a stake, burned? Is it okay to feel ... HAPPY? Is it?

I'm going to say it once more ... I have felt such HAPPINESS for the past several weeks ... I'm actually using/saying the word ... HAPPY ... it's truly amazing to feel such a beautiful feeling!

I've been so HAPPY for the first time in 4 years ... since the day I got ... 'the phone call'.



Photos/story are owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee  &grannygee
 

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

SPIDER! and Classical Music ...

SPIDER! and Classical Music ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Our huge, sweet Rottie ... Kissy Fairchild

Kissy Fairchild, Precious Camie and ... Skip. 

Sweet Chadwick Elsworth ...

Precious Camie ... Kissy Fairchild.  What you see above is ... my whole world.  I cherish them with my very Heart ... Skip, and our Pups!

This is a laughing Granny Gee ... all hell broke loose, and she was on it like a mother lion ... until .... Gloria Faye Brown Bates ( sometimes, we do things we don't have to do ... our minds play tricks on us ... we go in survival mode ... and we win the battles ... we must ... win!)






 

Oh my! My heart is still beating fast! Wow! Gracious! I had such a scare this morning! I thought Kissy, our big sweet Rottie ... was in danger of being attacked by a ... giant spider! Excuse me, while I take a big breath ... I went into 'warrior-mother lion' mode! I began to battle, only to find ....

First, let me tell you, that at this very moment ... I have soft, classical music playing to calm my heart ... my soul. I have been through 'something else' this morning ... before daylight!

I want you to know that I will 'fight a bear' to save any one of our three Pups! You will see in just a moment what I will do! They are my babies ... and my world. So, is Skip ... and I would fight to save him from danger, also! He just happened to be outside the chain-link fence, sitting in his pickup ... ready to drive off.

I was talking to him, saying goodbye ...when I locked the gate. I could see good ... between the night light, and porch light. So, when I stepped backwards, our Kissy Fairchild Pup walked up to me. I was telling Skip 'bye' before he closed the door to his pickup.

When all of a sudden ... I spotted something on the ground! My heart almost stopped! It was standing beneath Kissy! It was a spider as big as my hand! My hands aren't big ... but, when a spider is as big as them ... that's just too much. This was the biggest spider I'd ever seen!

It looked like the spider online, when I was on the computer, yesterday! I didn't realize there really are spiders as 'big as a puppy'! This spider was almost that big!

I stood for a moment ... until Kissy began to walk. No! I screamed. No!

I grabbed him, threw him aside ... and began stomping that spider! I mean I really ... killed him. I kept on killing him ... until he was so dead ... he couldn't come back alive.

When I stopped killing the spider ... I heard Skip talking, asking what was wrong ... what was wrong?! I told him I had just killed a spider as big as a puppy!

He was ready to get out of the pickup, until ... until I moved, my shadow moved ... and I looked down!

That spider was so flat on the ground ... with those scary long legs! That's what drew my attention in the first place ... the huge body ... the long legs sticking out from it!

I leaned down cautiously to look at it more closely ... when I felt like the biggest ... fool ... there ever was!

It wasn't a spider at all ... my senses had begun coming back to me ... I thought if that had been a spider that big ... then, I needed to call someone. We don't have spiders that big in the USA!

There, on the ground ... flat as a pancake was ... a big ... clump of ... grass ... with all these blades of grass sticking out ... like spider legs!

I looked up at Skip ... he said "what"? I felt sheepish as I said, "that ain't no spider! That's just grass"!

Did you know ... he began laughing at me! We said our goodbyes, and the Pups, and I came into the house. I turned the soft, calm, classical music on to settle my heart ... it's still beating fast!

Thus, this morning before daylight, was about ... the spider, and classical music! (I'm still trying to calm down ... heck, I was fighting a real battle in my mind ... I was protecting my Pup!)

 

Photo/story credit are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee &grannygee (I am still taking deep breaths!)

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I'm Gonna Tell My Mama!


I'm Gonna Tell My Mama!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee








(Photo is of a Timex watch my Grandmother Lola gave me when I was nine years old ... I wore it at Grandma Alma's ... fell one day onto some rocks, knocking the breath out of me ... scratching the face of the watch. I still have this watch.   Photo/story is owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee. Story is true ... )
 



What a sweet child! You have the most beautiful smile. How pretty you are!

The little girl stood there, smiling sweetly. She basked in the compliments just as a pup lies in the sunshine, enjoying the warm rays.

She felt happy, loved. These old women cared about her. They came every Wednesday night, Sunday morning to pick her up to go to church.

They knew she lived in Hell, probably was a sinner ... and they were trying to save her. They told her Jesus loved her, and she was going to Heaven one day.

The little girl thought about Heaven; she wanted to go. Why, one could walk on beautiful golden bricks, dress in white dresses, eat foods that wouldn't stain them. If there was something wrong with one's body ... they could go to Heaven, and it'd be fixed!

She wanted Grandma Alma, George to go to Heaven. She couldn't get them to go to church. George was blind ... he might would have a hard time seeing in Heaven, anyway.

Grandma Alma wouldn't be able to walk on those shiny bricks, either... she was paralyzed. So, maybe they didn't need to go to Heaven. They weren't sinners, anyway.

The old women seemed very interested in her ... so, she must be the biggest sinner of them all. She knew she was a mean, little girl. She was told that all the time since she came to Grandma Alma, and George's.

She was being hit all the time ... if the grown-ups weren't hitting her ... she had to fight all her cousins next door. The strange thing was ... she loved them very much.

She didn't think they loved her at all. So, many people were hurting her ... she was only one person. It wasn't like that ... 'before' she was thrown there, in 'Hell'.........

The worst thing about it ... was she 'looked like her daddy'! Whenever anyone became angry about anything ... if she happened to be standing around ... and they saw her, they would scream at her, "you look just like your damn daddy"!

Sometimes, a hard slap would follow the words. She'd cry over being slapped for looking like 'some daddy' she'd never met. Who was he? What did his ass look like? Was he mean? Did he like her?

She hated him! She wanted to look like her mama ... oh, everyone always said her mama was just absolutely .... beautiful! She was always compared to Elizabeth Taylor.

She vaguely recalled a strange man coming to visit her beautiful mother, sometimes. She would peep through the crack in the bedroom door, see them holding each other tightly, kissing.

The man looked 'familiar'. If the man ever spoke to her, she never remembered it. That man was her father ... he still loved her mother ... it was her ... he'd come to see.

He would drive an hour to come 'visit his daughter'. The little girl never recalled him acknowledging her ... in her mind, she always saw her mother, and the father ... holding each other, kissing.

The old ladies took her to prayer meetings in people's homes ... usually other ... old people. They always loved her ... they'd pinch her pretty cheeks. They loved her curly hair, and oh my ... wasn't she a ... sweet child? Faye didn't feel worthy ... she was getting in more fights at Grandma Alma's.

So, many kids ... her cousins. Someone was always angry ... ready to fight. When they would see her at that time ... they wanted to beat her up. She never had to fight, until ... 'she came down here' ... came to Hell ... came to Grandma Alma, George's.

She would always smile sweetly, instantly think if they only knew ... how awful she was. She had recently learned to hate people ... hate her mama; hate her cousins ... aunts, uncles. She had learned to hate ... everyone. She'd learned anger ... now, she was 'mad at the whole world'.....

'Before' age nine, she had lived in 'Heaven' ... at age nine, she was 'thrown in Hell' to swim, or sink. No one gave a damn anymore about one ... little girl ... just sometimes.

She was slapped around, screamed at ... people hated her one minute, loved her the next. When they became angry, they'd show hate to her ... in their eyes, voices.

She was rapidly learning to hate back. The pain was almost more than she could bear. She had to toughen up, survive all the chaos she was thrown into.

She would hide in the little space between the old, red, vinyl couch and bookcase ... in the front room.

She could hear all the screaming, cussing ... sometimes, secrets a little girl's ears shouldn't hear.

No one would know she was in the little space, sitting ... drawing on the white pages in all Grandma Alma's books. She would sit there, getting lost in a wonderful world of creating ... dreaming of beautiful clothes she'd never seen in person.

She would draw them, color them ... cut them out to put on the paper dolls she would make for herself. Colors ... designs fascinated the little girl. She created beauty in her young world, while ... Hell broke loose around her.

The little girl was called a bastard one day by her teenage aunt. "You damn little bastard ... don't you ever come in my damn room again"! The little girl loved the record player in her aunt's room. She would sneak across the floor to turn it on ...

The little girl loved to dance ... the music entered her body ... made her move. She could visit Heaven for a few minutes, dancing.

One day ... the teenage aunt became very angry at the little girl. She happened to come back home earlier than she'd said. She caught Faye, the little girl in her room, dancing to her record player. Not only Faye, but ... several of Faye's cousins were in there, also.

Faye was the only child who couldn't get away fast enough. Her aunt caught her by the arm, spun her around ... slapped her hard. "You damn little bastard! I'll teach you to come into my room again! You look just like your damn daddy"! Her aunt slapped her hard, then ............

Walked to the wood box, picked up a piece of firewood ... began to beat the little girl. The little girl cried until she couldn't cry anymore. She was the worse person in the world ... everyone hated her.

Her aunt threw her to the floor ... ordered her to get up, and said, "Get the hell out of my room! If I catch you back in here, I'll beat you to death"!

Faye pulled her body up off the floor, stood. Her legs were burning ... she looked down to see blood on them. Not only that ... her arms had blood streaming down on them.

Her little shoulders shook as she stood up, looked her aunt full in the face. "I'm going to tell my mama when she comes home ... she is going to kill you"! She began to cry, uncontrollably. Her body hurt something awful from the beating ... not only that, her Heart hurt ... her aunt hated her! It was 'the end of the world'....

"Tell your damn mama, see if I care"! The little girl began to cry more ... turned, walked away. She walked into the front room, sat on the red, vinyl couch. Her body hurt, she was sleepy. She cried herself to sleep. She laid her head down on the thick arm of the couch, slept.

Faye felt someone shaking her, to wake up. She looked up ... her teenage aunt was standing there ... she was smiling a sweet smile. In her hand, dangled a watch. "Here, Faye ... this is for you. It's a Timex watch! Here ... I've already set it for you, and everything'! She began to put it on Faye's wrist ....

The memory of what happened before she went to sleep, flooded back. "No, I'm going to tell my mama you hurt me"!

The teenage aunt kept trying to get Faye to take the watch. No matter how much she tried ... it didn't work. Faye was going to tell her mama ... her mama was going to kill her aunt for making that blood on her legs, arms.

Her teenage aunt thought her Timex watch would keep her from telling. She thought she could bribe Faye ... this time it didn't work. Faye was one very angry little girl.

A month went by ... Faye's mama came home. She always disappeared to come back weeks, months later. She ran to her before she could walk into the house.

She began crying, telling her mama about the Timex watch, and the beating she'd recieved. She didn't see the fire in her mother's eyes ... but, she felt her mother stiffened up.

Faye's mother went in to speak to George (her step-father) ... and Grandma Alma (her mother). They were sitting, talking in the middle room (later, in Faye's mind ... she called it 'The Arena'. This was where Hell broke out ... often.

Faye heard the screen door open in the living room ... she felt afraid. Her teenage aunt had just walked into the door! All hell was getting ready to break loose ...

Sure enough, as soon as her aunt (her mama's sister) ... walked into the door ... Faye's mama began asking her aunt about the stick of wood she beat Faye with. She saw fear in her aunt's eyes ... sort of ... felt sorry for her.

A whirlwind of action happened that fast! Her mama had run across the floor, grabbed Faye's aunt up ... began 'whippin Hell outta her'!

They fell onto the old, dusty, wooden floor in front of where George sat in his old, cane chair. Grandma Alma sat beside him in her old, pink, upholstered recliner. "Stop! Please don't fight"!

No one heard her Grandma Alma cry, nor saw the pain in her eyes. George sat there, blind ... 'not knowing what the hell was happening'. Faye saw ... felt pain for them.

It seemed the fight would never end. Faye felt good every time her mama hit her aunt. She deserved that for hurting her. She even reached down with her small hand, 'smacked the shit' out of her!

Faye heard something hit the floor ... two white teeth had flown out of someone's mouth!

The fight stopped, Faye watched as her young aunt stood up. Blood was streaming from her mouth ... her mama had blood on her. Faye felt sick to her Heart ... she had caused this.

It was her fault her mama had 'beat the hell' out of her aunt. Her Heart broke ... her teenage aunt hated her for the rest of her life. She lost two teeth, got her 'ass whipped' ... because of beating Faye.

Faye was shaking inside ... all the sounds of flesh being slapped, punched ... made her feel like she was going to throw up. She realized she didn't want to see her aunt cry, be hurt for what she did. She forgave her aunt right then.

Time went on, her mama disappeared again. Her teenage aunt would cast glaring eyes at her ... but, she never touched her again.

One day, her aunt from next door came in ... she had 'hell in her eyes'. She saw Faye ... came up to her, grabbed her by her shoulders, screaming at her for something not remembered, now.

Her finger nails made an awful scratch down Faye's forearm. It hurt so bad ... not only that ... Faye had finally reached a breaking point. She had been kicked around for the past several years at her Grandma Alma's and George ... even if she died ... she couldn't take the pain, anymore.

For the first time in Faye's life, she held her ground against her most favorite aunt. She wasn't going to be slapping, hitting her anymore. She looked her aunt straight into her eyes ... saw her aunt's expression change ....

She calmly told her aunt, "This time, you beat my ass ... the next time ... I'm going to beat your ass"! Faye was fourteen years old ... That was the last time, both aunts ever 'laid a hand' ... on her.

That time ... Faye took a stand, knowing she'd be 'killed', didn't care. She couldn't take anymore of their abuse. She was ready to fight back ... not say, anymore ... 'I'm gonna tell my mama'!

 

 

 

 

 
 

Monday, October 20, 2014

Feet On The Wall ...

 Feet On The Wall ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



This little girl learned to be a mean little girl sometimes, in the process of learning how to survive Hell.  The photo is of me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee  &grannygee
 
 
 

Photo is of my wonderful Grandma Alma & George ... I loved them with my Heart.  George was blind, Grandma Alma was paralyzed on one side of her body.
 
 
All photos are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee




I cried as the pain coursed through my arm. Damn it! That hurt! Don't do that again, I cried!

My Grandma Alma told me to take my feet off the wall, put them under the bedcover. Right now!

I had learned to be a mean, little girl ... not all the time ... but, when pain happened ... it made me feel angry. I didn't take them down right away.

Her one good hand reached for my arm again. She pinched me good! I took my feet off the wall, then.

I began crying. That hurt, Grandma. My feet had gotten warm under the covers, and I stuck them out to cool. The wall looked inviting ... the next thing I knew, they were on that wall!

George and Grandma Alma had two full-size beds in the bedroom. They slept in their own bed. I lived there for a time, had to sleep in Grandma Alma's bed. I slept on the side near the wall.

Grandma Alma had made me put my feet under the cover ... now, my feet wouldn't be happy until they were on that wall, again. How can 'old' people know everything, I wondered. Everytime my feet neared the edge of the bedcover, Grandma Alma seemed to know it. Damn!

Well, something happened that haunts me to this day. I could cry thinking about it ... if I let myself.

Several nights later, my feet decided they had a mind of their own. They took themselves out from under the bedcovers, put themselves on that wall. My toes wiggled, feeling so good because the wall was cool. I could fall asleep like that!

Get your feet off the wall, Faye! Grandma Alma had raised her voice to me. Not only that, she pinched me hard! I began crying ... and felt mad at my Grandma Alma. I reached back, pinched her on her arm ... hard!

Ouch! Faye, that hurts! I could hear the pain in her voice. I was so sorry instantly for hurting my Grandma Alma. I'm sorry, Grandma, I'm so sorry.

Afterwards, I couldn't keep it off my little girl mind. I had hurt my Grandma. I could swear she almost cried. It broke my Heart.

Through time, I've always thought about it ... especially, when my feet can reach a wall while I'm in bed. Not long ago, I did that very thing ... I put both bare feet on the wall!

I instantly felt bad ... the memory of pinching my Grandma Alma's arm popped up in my mind. I took my feet off the wall.

I have done this over the years as an adult, always wondering why I couldn't put my feet on the wall. Being an adult, it's no fun to do it now. :) Maybe the memory of pinching my poor Grandma Alma ... clouds doing it. Also, maybe 'it's not nice' to put my feet on the wall! :)

Oh, sometimes ... I like to do something not nice! I know I'll do it again sometime in my life ... I just have to. It's one of my secrets. :)

If you ever do it ... make sure your feet are very clean. When you put them on the wall ... only let them rest in one place. You'll feel the coolness on the bottom of your feet, and your wiggly toes! :)

Maybe if ... I'd never been told not to do it ... I would have never ... done it again! So, I know I will have my ... feet on the wall ... again in the future.



 

Photos/my true story are owned by me ... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee &grannygee

Note: Sometimes, we all have little, silly things we like to do just for the sake of doing them. Sometimes ... we don't know 'why' we do them ... unless maybe trying to provoke a memory.

I Stand There In My Mind ...

I Stand There In My Mind ...
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



 
Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
 
 


Last photo of Tommy as he drove to the beach... he died shortly after.  He collapsed on the sand while playing with his little son. 

He made it to the beach in time ... to do what he wanted most to do ... play for the first time with his son, Taban ... it was his last time. 

Tommy died May 29, 2010 on a Saturday evening ... he collapsed with 2 blockages to his heart.  No one didn't know ... you can see how strong he appeared in this picture taken just a couple hours or so ... before he collapsed.




 

I make no apologies when I speak of my son

I don't shed the tears I used to

I cry silently, but ... no one can hear

I smile as I sob, my Heart breaking

As I grieve for the only child I ever had

The more I smile ... the more I weep

Tommy! Tommy! I don't ask 'why you had to go'

I don't ask anything ... all things are not possible

It's impossible to know the answer as to 'why?'

My mind replays the vision I have of you

Walking on the soft, damp sand beneath your feet

I can picture the sandals you wore that day

The waves washed ashore to kiss your toes

To fascinate your little son as his toes were kissed

I can see you standing there ... discussing the ocean

A little three year old child who looked just like his daddy

Standing, his little hand on his hip as he peered out across the water

His little hat shielding his eyes from the sunshine

Two peas in a pod ... like father, like son

Both stand there carrying on a grown-up conversation

Father treating son like a little man

Then ... with abandon, both began to run, play, laugh

Son treating father like a little boy

Their eyes twinkled, their laughs pure as bells

They chased each other, never aware they were being watched

Watched with respect, admiration that such a big man

Could come down to his little son's level to run, play

Four years later, I stand there in my mind ... watching with a sad smile

As I imagine the joy on your faces ... my son, my grandson

I cry for both of you ... I hurt to the core of my soul

I lost both of you ... on the evening my son died

I never got to watch my grandson grow, looking more like

His daddy everyday ... hearing his voice so much like Tommy's

I stand there in my mind ... I see, hear the sea gulls

My eyes take in the sight before me

Waves crested with white, flowing toward the shore

I smell the scent of the ocean in the air

Feel the warm, tropical breeze on my face

I close my eyes in my mind ... enjoy

Enjoy as much as I know you did, Tommy

As you ran, playing with little Taban

I see your smiles, hear your joyous voices

My lips widen into a sad, sad smile

Because I know what I'm going to see next

I know, because I've imagined this many times ... in my mind

There ... there ... you collapsed on the soft sand

I like to think angels supported your body as you fell

You went to 'sleep' ... to sleep for the last time

You played with your little son for ... the last time

Not long before ... you called your mother ... for the last time

You took your last trip just to play at the ocean with your son

You barely made it in time ... did you somehow sense the urgency?

Did you have a sense of 'hurry, hurry' ... we need to get there

As you drove ... did you sense you were going to die, Son?

Did you have any inkling ... premonition?

My Heart cries ... I wonder if somehow, you knew

You just took your last trip ... to leave so soon on a 'forever' ... journey

I stand there in my mind, lost to all around me

I try to hear the words the sea gulls were singing to you

'Tommy, come home ... Tommy, come home'

I stand there in my mind, watching with intensity

Trying to see ... your spirit as it rose above to look down

Look down at your precious son, watching him cry

Daddy ... Daddy, Daddy ... won't you get up, and play with me

Are you asleep, Daddy? Daddy? His little hand reaches out

Reaches out to shake his daddy awake, pat his cheeks

I stand there in my mind as I see the group of people

Who stood off watching a big man play with his little son

Run, when realizing something was wrong

They protected the little child, as they decided what to do

One man picked up Tommy's cellphone, redialed the last number

Tommy had called on his phone ... not knowing who answered

Two hundred miles away, a mother answered with a smile in her voice

Tommy? She heard the strange man's voice

Why do you have my son's cellphone?

'Ma'am, I have a man collapsed here on the sand, he's not breathing'

As the mother's world went black, she still didn't understand

Her smile slipped off her face as realization came

Oh, my God ... NO! Help me, Skip ... please come, help me!

Help ... a doctor talking, what did he say? Pure, black darkness

Medicine ... thank-God for the medicine that makes one smile ... while one stayed in the darkness ... making the pain go away

Medicine so powerful, the mother almost ... she thought about it

Yes, she thought about it ... her only child was dead

Oh, my God ... she couldn't bear it, she just couldn't bear it

The mother was the strongest woman ... until this happened

She lived over three years in darkness ... not giving a damn

How could she care ... when her feelings were ... pure grief

She only grew stronger as time went by ... she believed in facing

Facing the devil if need be ... get past the pain ... go on with life

One has to ... if not, then ... there's nothing else left to do but, die

Four years later ... I stand there in my mind ... smiling a sad smile

As I imagine it all again for the 'millionth' time

I see, hear sounds of joy; smell the ocean breeze ... listen to the sea gulls sing ... as

I stand there in my mind ...
 
 
 
 
Photos of my artwork (frame and ocean scene)... and Tommy; and story ... are owned by me... Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee    &grannygee