Friday, April 29, 2016

We Both Been on New Roads in Our Life ...


We've Both Been on New Roads in Our Life ...





by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


'It sure feels so good to feel good again' ... I truly know what this saying means. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee




I don't know where to begin.  Since January this year, Skip's health declined. He has been through so much that began to happen to his body.  I won't go into all of it ... but, I will say this evening is both his, my best evening in 4 months.  

He has had surgery .... I just had surgery 9 days ago.  I haven't written for some time, but will begin to soon.  I've missed writing.  

I just wanted to touch base here ... Skip and I have been on new roads in our life.  We've both come so far.  I will write more about this when I'm more up to it.  Goodnight everyone.  Gloria <3

Friday, April 15, 2016

There Comes The Time One Has To Ask For Help ...

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter





This is what happens when family dies out, one has no family support system left for when one day when they need them.



One of my Facebook Friends has been trying to help us with the post on Facebook below.  I had mentioned doing a GoFundMe page ... but, was hesitant because so many people have abused it.  


I didn't know if anyone would recognize we really need help until Skip can be alright again.  I don't have anyone to help us, to go to ... to ask for money.  I don't have any way of paying it back.  


I need to purchase tires for the pickup ... the trips (80 miles) back, forwards to Raleigh have wreaked havoc on already tires that need to be replaced.  I have no way of buying them.  


Skip just had surgery last Thursday, and there are complications.  We are having to make extra trips to, from Raleigh to his doctors, hospital, tests.  He may have surgery again.


Since January, Skip has suffered a stroke, mini-strokes.  He went into congestive heart failure, pneumonia.  He had a pacemaker put in .... then, 2 heart stents.  Then, his kidney shut down and a uretheral stent was put in.  He has been in the hospital 3 times, and has almost died 3 times.  Fluid built back up again around his heart.  Now, he has complications from the surgery to do with his right kidney, we'll know this week if he will have surgery again.  


I will have surgery on Wednesday, this week (April 20th).  It's amazing what has happened since the beginning of this year ... we have sailed through storm after storm ... and still doing it.  We are staying strong, and I'm strong while Skip can't be.  I'm there, always ... for him.  I watch over him even when he is sleeping.  I try to be his guardian angel in this world.


We are doing okay with getting our meds ... we need help with gas, food, and tires, and an oil change. Skip worries about the oil, has all through being very ill.  This is the only way I know to help us, that's to let people know.  I pray that you will.  


Maybe you could send Skip a card ... to bring a smile to his face.  That would mean so, so much.  I told my friends on Facebook that I tell Skip that they are all caring, sending messages ... but, actually holding caring, love in his hands, looking at a card would mean the world, and be a wonderful surprise.


I'm asking for financial help from strangers who come to read me, I know.  I don't have people I know, or family to go to.  The few friends who have helped us ... I can't ask anymore of them ... they have their own life they need their money for.  I don't want to take advantage, or make them feel they have to do something.  They've been so good to us, and I'm so grateful.


I would like to tell younger people to treasure their family/friends support system.  Treat it like a garden ... so, it's big.  You don't want to be like me ... grow older, have no one.  The very family members I love, knew would be there for me ... have all died.  I don't know the family members left, I never grew up, associated with them.  My only family left is Skip, and our 2 Pups, Kissy and Camie.


This is what happens when one becomes older, finds out there isn't any financial help for senior citizens.  I asked for help at our local social services.  They gave us $123 for food, monthly .... they cut it down to $111 monthly.  They said we can't get financial help because there aren't children in the house.  They said we could get on a 2 year waiting list for a place to live, and we'd have to give up our dogs.  


I've exhausted everything, burned up badly needed gas ... including completely losing my pride.  I will say I'm not beaten down ... I have to be strong for us.  I won't feel bad for having to go public to ask for help, I have no choice.  At first, I was so embarrassed ... it's past being embarrassed ... all is too serious, now.  


Each month I worry about getting bills paid so, nothing will be turned off, especially not while Skip is so sick.


If anyone wants to help us, please don't feel I'm begging you to, or pressuring.  I understand how expensive all is today, how much everything costs ... you have families to raise, and have to live.  If like I've done in the past when I never worried about money ... one has extra money to help someone in real need ... I hope you will.  I have done that many times in my life because I wanted to.  Maybe there's someone that will feel the same way.  


Below, is what my Facebook Friend did for us to try to help us.  So far, not many have helped, and I know they have their own life to take care of, and I understand.  


By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


This is the information below, she put on her Facebook, and on mine:





Friends of Gloria Faye Brown Bates She really needs our help. I know she does not want to ask, so I am asking for her. 

For my friends who do not know Gloria, she has been having a rough go of it lately. Her husband Skip has been seriously ill and in and out of the hospital at least 3 times since Jan. They both have health issues and money is in short supply right now. Please help if you can.

She needs anything you can give. If you want to put $1 in an envelope and put a stamp on it along with a note, every little bit will help. My guess is that she would appreciate even a note or post card from someone who cares.

Things that could help:
An uplifting note or card with or without a small amount of cash

Giftcards: walmart (meds & food & Tires needed for car) Amazon (almost anything) Petsmart (pet food for their 2 dogs)

Money sent through PayPal gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com  (be sure to put the word ... 'at' ... after gloriapaintsat)

How to send it:

Mailing Address for Gloria & Skip Bates
268 Beasley Rd
Louisburg, NC 27549

Email for E gift cards or PayPal
gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

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Thank you

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Last Night When I Wrote What I Did ... I Was In Such Turmoil

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By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

I have a very ill husband, two Pups that are my world. My world is being threatened by illness. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Last night when I wrote what I did ... I was in such turmoil. We were expecting a good visit ... after Skip's surgery. It wasn't good at all.
That means more trips to Raleigh to the doctors, his and mine at the same time. We have been having 2-3 appointments lately in the same day ... to save on buying gas for a 80 mile trip each time. I have to have surgery later this month. Co-pays ... food ... gas ... bills ... we had been barely making it, but ... we were doing it without having to ask for help ... and now, we have more on us.
The worst thing is ... Skip is in danger of kidney failure. I can't go into all he is going through at this very time. For now, our life is scary ... I could lose Skip ... I have realized this 3 times just lately ... can you imagine losing the very person in your world ... you love with your Heart ... and he is the only person in the world you have? Skip isn't out of danger. I still see the expression on the urologist/surgeon's face ... and hear his words in my mind. I'm afraid. I'm sick with worry.

I saw the tires when we came out of the office ... I heard Skip worrying over he needed to get the oil changed ( he doesn't need to worry ... he is in a serious medical crisis at this moment) ... my mind began crying out ... I kept asking myself ... what am I going to do? Really, what am I going to do? I was thinking how crazy it is to think such things when Skip ... is in a bad way. His life is more important.
For those who thought I was asking for money to help me on my Facebook Page ... understand that I would never-ever do that ... I can't just go ask people for their money ... knowing I can't pay it back. I was talking to the only place I have to come to talk ... it's on my page.
No one has to comment or even let me know they read it ... especially thinking I'm asking them for money. This is my page to .... talk. I have no one ... no where else to go. I'd rather no one said anything than to think I was asking them. When you do ... I really pay attention to why you would think I was asking you ... knowing I'm not close enough to anyone to ask .... for money. It hurts me when I read you can't offer me anything when ... I didn't ask. Please don't say anything like that ... just know I'm not asking ... 'you'. I would never do that.
I would take the suggestion of a GoFund Me Page .... knowing I would take the chance of being rejected by everyone ... because so many people use GoFund Me in the wrong way ... there are always scams ... people begging for money for all kinds of things. I would risk no one hearing my cry for help if I had to ask. I would know all these things ... before ... I did it. I would be expecting nothing ... who am I? I would just be praying people who didn't know me would recognize I wouldn't ask if I didn't need help ... through my words.
My pride is quickly disappearing ... and I'm not going to let someone make me feel bad for not having anyone ... any family ... to go to for help. If I didn't have Skip and our Pups ... I wouldn't ask at all .... I would take care of my needs ... I would end them. I'm the only one they have to depend on ... no pride left here. It's gone ... it just got gone.
Think of yourself as a woman ... no one else in the world you can turn to. The few people who have been so good to you ... you can't take from them again ... you just can't keep taking .... you can't imagine the pain of taking money from someone knowing you have no choice ... because it means the world. You have no way of paying it back ... all these feelings inside your mind ....
Imagine letting people know your situation ... when you have always been so private, so independent. Imagine being a woman who never had to take care of everything ... make all the decisions ... and one day her husband nearly dies 3 times in 4 months ... and still isn't out of danger. Being a person whose family has died ... very few friends ... who never-ever had to ask anyone for anything ...
I'm being everything .. I wasn't .. before. So, if you see a GoFund Me Page in the future (I pray it won't come to that) ... just understand why ... don't think I'm asking any of my Facebook Friends for money ... I understand well you have your own lives to take care of. Just don't even comment at all ... to save some of the pride I have left.
Sometimes, it's better not to say anything at all. The ones who really cared, cares ... I recognized/recognize that. I thank you for caring. I love you for it.
This is my place to come to ... if you happen to read, it doesn't mean you have to comment at all. Just quietly go your way.
Also, if you are a real friend I want you to stay here ... if not, please remove yourself from my Facebook Friends.
Don't stay here to enjoy seeing me go through another rough time in my life .. I know who some of you are. I don't need that. In fact, to save you the trouble of removing yourselves ... I will be doing that all along now.
This is my Facebook Page ... I come here to write ... talk about real life ... in the meantime ... I learn from some of you sometimes, in how to cope with what I'm going through.
I don't need negative from anyone on here ... and I'm 'down' but ... I'm holding my ground, I'm not weak at all, nor pitiful. So, the few I still let stay here on my Facebook Page until I have time to remove you ... I want you to know that. Your day may come when you have no one, also. I'll know, I'll feel compassion ... I know how it feels.
Also, one other thing that bothered me is not long ago when someone told someone that I had lost my son .... and that person said, "but, I thought that was a long time ago" .... this keeps going through my mind. It was 5 years ago ... but, in my mind .... my grieving mother's mind ... it is still ... yesterday. I'll never forget that being said ... it burned into my mind.
Sadly, people will lose a child to one day understand how it hurt me. I'm not the only grieving mother in the world. I've coped in a positive way ... I still hurt deeply inside.
If you've read this far ... and you think I wrote a lot. That's right ... I do write that much ... this is my space to write what I want. If it bothers you in a negative way, please remove yourself ... go your own way. I respect your feelings, here ... my feelings will be respected.
Those who care at all ... who knows, maybe you have your own ideas, suggestions if you've walked on this road before. I know when I've walked different paths in life ... I would share anything to help another not have to go through the grief I did. That's what people who care ... do. I care ... I have a big Heart ...
I understand so much in Life that is painful. Do I wallow in the mud, feel sorry for myself? That's a big NO ... I get my ass up and keep going until I get knocked down again ... I get back up .... so it goes ... I get right back up. I don't give up.
I learned this from a woman who was paralyzed for over 20 years, as a little girl. I watched her struggle with the Hell she lived in, she never gave up. She was my Grandma Alma, my hero in my little girl life. She was a spitfire lady ... I loved with my very Heart.
I am sharing all I said here, on my Blog ... I thank you all who care, understand. If I don't see you anymore after this .... I respect, understand that it was time to part ways.
I treasure my Friends, here ... that's all I want to stay on my Facebook Page, just the ones who feel like I do ... people who have been here since Tommy died. You never had to say anything ... just being there ... meant the world to me. I love you, all.



Note by this Author:

I've reached a point in time where I've never felt as alone as I feel now.  This is what happens when one has lost their very family members who were their support system in life.  I have lost them, and my only child.

My husband is very ill ... and the few people who helped us in the past .... I can't ask them for help again.  I can't even pay back what they've given me.  What they did was more than I can possibly thank them from my Heart for ... asking for help from them would be taking advantage.

I am considering the GoFund Me Page to ask for help ... I don't know that it will help because so many people scam on there.  I don't know if anyone would recognize someone who has a real need in Life.  I may take the chance ... I am considering it.  I don't want to ask for help, but I may find myself in a position to have no choice but, to ask.

Friday, April 8, 2016

I May Have To Ask For Financial Help ... I Don't Have A Family Support System



April 08, 2016 ... Friday ... Update on Skip ... and ,,, The Pups





Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter




Since January .. my Husband has almost died 3 times ... stroke, congested heart failure ... he had a pacemaker put in ... had 2 heart stents put in ... suffered a groin bleed ... kidney failure, had a kidney stent put in ... plus much more than I will say.  On top of it all, he had pneumonia.  


For the 4th month, we have been battling his illnesses.  He has been in the hospital 3 times ... he has also, fallen 3 times due to his heart failure.  All of this time ... somehow, I've made it with my own medical conditions to be there for him.  I love my Husband with my very Heart.  I'm afraid for him.


I will have surgery later this month on top of it all.  I am going to my doctor appointments at the same time as going to Skip's, and to the hospital.  Like today ... we had 3 appointments to go to ... some days there are two appointments.


Today at the doctor's visit ... Skip's condition has taken another serious turn.  I don't know what we will do for money, we need tires for the pickup to drive back, forwards to Raleigh (40 miles going, 40 miles coming back) ... we need to change the oil.  Skip is too sick to understand, worry about these things. He always took care of these things for us.  


I have been alone in all of this ... no one to talk to, to go to.  I've been focusing on running everyday to be with Skip ... praying that the pickup will hold up.  I have no one to help me financially ... I can't  just go to anyone to ask for help.  


I'm in a position I don't know what to do.  So, I will go forward, as far as I can.  If I can't go any farther ... I will have to ask for help ... someone suggested to make a GoFund Me page like I did when I needed help to help our Pups.  


If I do have to make a GoFund Me page to ask for help ... it's because I have no where to turn ... I have no one left in this world to be here for me. This is what happens when one's family dies out ... no family/friend support system.  


I have no one but, Skip and our Pups.  What I'm trying to say is ... if you see me ask for help publically .... it's because I have no choice.  I have to be there for Skip, and our Pups.  I don't want to sound like I'm begging for help when I ask.  I'm afraid I am going to have to ask in the near future.  


I can't ask in person ... I'm afraid to take from someone because in my mind I worry about them needing it.  I know I have given my last dollar in the past ... and I don't want to take someone's 'last dollar'.  I can't take advantage of anyone.


I'm a giver, and I've never been a taker ... only in extreme situations.  This is an extreme situation that may cause me to ask for help ... and I'm so sorry I have to.  If you see me ask for help, just know that I have to.

..........................................................




This is to my Facebook Friends:  (I posted this this evening ... to update everyone) ...


Today's appointment wasn't good at all ... all is more complicated. I won't go into detail about it here, anymore. All is too serious ... and our life has taken another unexpected turn ... it has gotten much harder, more serious. I will respect Skip's privacy at this point ... he doesn't want me to talk about his condition to anyone right now.


At the moment, we've been knocked to the ground ... we are going to stay down for this weekend, rest. We both are so mentally, physically tired from all Skip has suffered these past 3 months.


Once we are rested .... strong again ... we will get up ... dust our pants off ... and go to battle once more in our life. We have a war to win ... and my fighting spirit will pull us through. I feel it fired up for the fight ... I just need rest now ... I've more than reached my breaking point.


Just like I told Skip ... no matter what ... all is going to be alright. Thank you all for caring. heart emoticon I won't talk about this to anyone no time soon. Some things have to be private. I know my Facebook Friends understand. I send you all love.

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Our Pups are taken good care of ... always. When I leave for all these appointments ... I leave them lots of water, food out. We love, pet them constantly. heart emoticon

Thursday, March 31, 2016

I Choose My Battles ... I Won This War Many Years Ago ... I Survived, Grew Up


By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.


Learning to ... let go ... in life is hard to do. Sometimes, there comes times when one has to accept some things can't change, has to be. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.




Gloria Faye Brown Bates as a little girl ..........................





I will write MY LIFE, MY STORIES anytime, anywhere ... any way I want to write them.


If you happened to be in them when I was very young ... and YOU affected my life ... I will write it.  I won't ever call names ... I respect privacy.  


You write what you want to about YOUR FAMILY in the way you remember, know ... that's your choice ... that is what you know you remember, experienced in your young life.


I will write the things that happened to me as a child ... and if it offends any ... remaining family that happens to be related to me ... and I will add ... that I never grew up with to know at all ... you will have to cope with it.  My life is NOT about you ... my life is about myself and the ones who touched it, shaping it with their hands, their actions.


As for 'writing material' ... MY WHOLE LIFE ... IS my writing material.  Anything that touched, affected MY LIFE is mine to write about.  I don't write to hurt others ... but, if you take it personally ... you choose to do that.  The people that existed when I was a child ... don't exist today.  The children have grown up to be someone else .... people I don't know ... people I'll never know ... strangers.  


If I really wrote about 'some things' that happened ... you'd be shocked.  If I wrote names of the ones who inflicted things on me as a child ... it would be some of my ... family's fathers, uncles.  I don't name names because for years I've never told anyone ... and I don't have even one reason to name them.  Their actions shaped me, made me very strong.  It no longer matters ... who ... done what. What matters is ... how it made me become as a whole person.


Did I grow up to forgive?  Oh yes, I forgave many years ago.  I don't know how I grew up to be a positive, forgiving person who has compassion, cares with my very Heart ... God knows all that was inflicted on me as a child was just the right formula ... to make me be the most negative person in this world.  


Was I an angry child, person growing up ... oh, Hell yes!  My anger was hotter than Hell I grew up in.  Over time ... when I say that ... over many, many years ... the anger faded into the background.  Did it go completely away? 


NO.  I can still become very angry ... at the unfairness in this big, old world ... at the awful things that happen to people over this big-ass world.  I am for the under-dog ... I become angry at anyone who hurts, mistreats handicap people, homeless people, and children, and animals.  


I would have a very horrible punishment for people ... 'if' it were up to me to mete out the punishment for people hurting the ones I just mentioned.  People would be afraid to mistreat, hurt someone ... my punishment would be swift, no questions asked.  So, it's a good thing I don't have that power.


Getting back to 'family' ... I have no family left that I even know.  I never grew up with the ones who are ... related.  If it upsets you that I can't bond with you ... I really am sorry.  I truly am.  I just can't ... I have tried, and I'm so sensitive to people ... all it takes is one little word, action ... and I 'let go' in an instant.  It's impossible for me to 'bond with you' ... I've tried ... can't ... won't ever try again.  It's all gone ... it will never be.  I send you love, please go your way ... I don't want you in my life.  


I have one more thing to say ... concerning a letter I received yesterday.  When it is thought that I would cause someone in your family not to want anything else to do with you ... you assumed I caused that.  Not so.  Assuming I would do something like that ... thinking I would play that 'old family game' I grew up in ... is like slapping me in the face.  I would never do that.  If it happened, you did something I don't know about.  So, no ... I have nothing to do with anything that affects your life ... except ... me.  


I keep my ass out of it.  I don't want to waste time 'being family' anymore ... it isn't going to work ... we don't have anything in common ... anything to create a solid bond.  We are toxic to each other ... our whole family was like that growing up.  I don't want it in my life.  Life is very hard for me ... I don't need you adding to it. 


Go your way peacefully, forget me.  I don't choose to let anyone in my life because ... I don't need anymore negative to fight.  I've tried to tell you ... the one who keeps on and on ... in the nicest of words, the nicest of ways ... please leave me alone.  


Please go on with your life ... all these years we've not communicated, gotten to know each other .... we can't possibly connect ... at this time in my life.  I will always remember, love the child I remember you were ... only with a difference since knowing you caused the accident that hurt me.  I still love that child ... but, through time I never got to know you.


Another thing ... you said all I wanted was to having writing material having to do with you.  Don't be vain ... my life's story isn't about you ... you only affected it in a couple of ways when I was a child, and a teenager.  If you affected my life in good or bad ways ... I AM going to write it ... but, no one will ever know it was you, except ... you.  


If you take it personally ... I'm so sorry because, it might not be ... about you ... if it is ... it's about a child in my childhood days ... a different person than you are today.  No one won't recognize you ... no one knows you ... if you feel you are the one it's about ... then, it must be you ... and only if you tell it, yourself ... no one will ever know it was ... you.


Just simply quit reading my life ... simply live only your life.  Quit trying to begin a war ... I choose my battles, this isn't one of them. I won this one many years ago ... I survived, I grew up ... and now, I'm fearless, strong.  I AM NOT going to fight it again.  I'm just not, and that's just the way it is.  In fact, I am not going to give it anymore words than I've given as I write here today.


I don't want to see anyone when anyone comes to North Carolina. I don't ... even I can't explain exactly 'why?'  I just ... can't.  I won't force myself.  You don't know me at all ... I don't know you at all.  I feel no connection.  


I'm no one to you, and you are strangers to me that I wish the best for.  I have no hard feelings toward anyone, and being open, honest ... probably has created hard feelings toward me  ... I'm a big girl, I can handle that. Sometimes ... life has to be like that. Just say I'm the one who turned their back ... on family I never had, nor knew.  I don't know you ... I just don't know you.  


You are family I don't know, and when I see the same things I grew up in ... I don't want to know, be a part of. Simple as that.  Please leave me alone.  The family I knew ... even if they weren't perfect at all (I'm damn-sure not perfect) ... were the ones who were my foundation ... family I knew ... they have all died, leaving me alone with no family.


If you think I caused someone to turn against you ... you are so wrong.  If I can't help you, I would sure not hurt you.  I am not like the ... family ... I grew up in.  I don't blackmail ... turn others against others ... cause grief, or try to destroy the other family member.  I don't work in an underhand fashion trying to destroy you ... while pretending to love, not understand 'why' someone doesn't like you.  Go play your games in the family you know ... I'm just as much a stranger as anyone you'll meet out here on the street.


God knows with all going on in my life ... I don't have the time, mind, or energy to go about ... hurting others.  That's not 'me'. You knew that, though you said what you did.  You thought it would make me write back a big-ass letter ... I do my writing here. I'm not getting into ugliness like when I grew up ... your letter was a bait to get me into mud-slinging, accusations, just pure ugliness.  I will not bite it ... I don't feel that way at all.  


In fact, I don't feel any way about all of it ... I'm sorry to say ... that's exactly what I expected from you.  I knew you couldn't graciously stay in your own life without ugliness first.  I'm not going to be ugly to you BUT, I will say what I truly feel for the last time ... here.  Please leave me alone, please go back to your own life ... you are crossing a line here ... and I can't allow it ... I won't. So, it's best to forget I am even remotely related to you ... I'm a stranger.


I will go on writing my life ... the people who are alive today from that time ... aren't the same people.  Your life is yours.  I can't live yours, you can't live mine.  You were only in my life for a very short period of time when I was little ... you aren't the ones who did the 'bad' things to me.  Only one person did cause a bad thing to me ... I would have never known if they hadn't told me a couple years ago. 


I don't hold that against you ... our families taught us to be like that when we hated, disliked, became jealous of someone else.  In your mind, a little 5-6 old girl 'got what she deserved'.  This is in reference to when I was pushed into a ditch in a wagon ... the wagon turned over, I was thrown out on top of a broken, gallon, glass jar.  


We were taught to be ugly ... you just did what you had learned ... probably never felt remorse, sadness for causing an awful accident to happen to another little girl.  I still hear your laughter in my mind as you told me you were the one who caused it.  I turned against you at that very moment ... I 'knew' it wasn't possible to ever have a connection with you.  You laughed each time I asked you about doing such a thing ... you seemed proud. I was like ... 'oh my, wow!' 


It cut my leg very badly ... I remember wearing a big cast, and my step-father carrying me in his arms.  I never knew I'd made another female cousin not like me ... be jealous of my boy cousin (the one who was told to push me in the ditch).  I was just a little, innocent girl.  


I carry that big scar today on the back of my right leg.  Just think how bad the cut on my leg was as a little girl ... all because of you being jealous.  I didn't know the meaning of the word ... jealous. How did you ... you weren't much older than I?  I don't hold it against you.  It's no longer important, the damage is done.


When this person told me ... I was in like shock for a short time that someone would want to hurt me so bad ... and for that someone to be a little child, also ... when it happened.  I got over the shock, and I forgave.  I have to say that periodically ... I did, do think about that.  I'm pure amazed.  That tells me to never-ever let that person into my life.  Also, the words that you wrote, written each time ... I don't want to let you, anyone in my life ... they are alarms, also. My doors are closed.


The thing is that I know this one person I've made reference to ... is a good person in her own life ... I can't see how it could be a 'good thing' in ... my life.  I could keep adding other reasons, but ... I won't.  It all comes back to ... I just don't know you all at all.  I only know things that helped to make my mind up ... just like with deciding to be 'friends' with any stranger out here.  This isn't meant to be an insult at all.


I am sorry I have to write this.  I'm not writing a personal letter ... those days are gone.  The letter I received is in the trash can ... I don't play 'family games'... nor do I play accusations that aren't true.  

As for brothers I have in this world ... they've never responded when I tried to connect ... those days are gone.  We'll never know each other in our older life anymore than we did in our whole life ... which means we never knew each other.  I don't appreciate your comments on my brothers ... see, you never knew, or grew up with them either.


We were all split up as children.  I have 2 half brothers, 1 half sister ... I don't know them. There's a natural 'love/hate' thing there, only made worst by the one person who caused my accident as a child.  I already know how you have meddled in saying things about me to them. I don't know them anymore ... than I know you.  


It came to me that you are exactly like an aunt I had ... with all the meanness she had inside her, the poison ... jealousy, anger.  The spite and the 'I'm going to get your ass back if you don't do as I want you to'.  Doesn't work with me ... I'm not afraid.  Anything you want to do, say ... I'm ready to tell my faults, first.  It'll just be more ... writing material for me.


You aren't a nice person ... I know more than you knew that I did. You are like our 'family' who constantly operated like this ... to isolate others from being loved, cared about.  It's you only, who wants to be looked up to, loved and cared about.  I'll leave all that to you ... I'll never compete for anyone's love ... never.  


I love myself, my world.  If I'm ever alone with myself one day ... I'll have myself ... whom I can live with, be happy with.  I'm not going to hurt others ... to be 'king/queen of the mountain' ... at the expense of hurting others to be ... important, self-important. 


(Playing king/queen of the mountain is in reference to a game we played as children ... the children were ruthless in knocking others down the 'mountain'.  Only I couldn't hurt the others like that ... we were just little children).  I was hurt a lot of times.


I know I'm not perfect. I won't steal love, caring from others ... I couldn't live with myself doing that.  Sometimes, they need love, caring ... too.    


Over time I've studied 'you' (the one who caused me to be hurt as a child) ... the things said about you, the things you've done, said to others ... all of these things fell into place.  No, there's no chance of ever trusting you.  I just have to always love you, let go. 


I have one brother who died ... he and I were close, I loved him with my very Heart.  He was my half-brother ... but, we never noticed the 'half'. I've said this many times ... all the very people whom I truly loved, felt a connection to ... have died. Rick-Rick was MY Brother ... he loved me unconditionally ... just as I loved him.  Rick-Rick died ... my only real brother died.


He and I never played games ... we truly saw, knew each other's Heart.  I WAS his sister ... we trusted the other not to hurt the other, and was always there for the other.  That's how sisters, brothers are ... never choosing to take offense at every little thing, going on to live knowing you have a sibling who truly loves you ... for you. You never had to fear that the other was going to turn against you ... never.  I never thought of such ... neither did he.  We were ... real.


It's strange ... the very people who were most important at one time or other ... in my life, died.  I never knew anyone else ... excepting as a small child.  My family died out ... if anyone takes that in a personal way ... it's just an excuse to get angry at someone ... me. I don't have any family left.  If you want to do that ... I'm sorry you are punishing yourself, wasting your time on angry, bad thoughts when you don't have to. You were never a part of my life ... it doesn't mean I hate you ... or thought you turned your back on me ... our lives put us in other states many miles from the other.  Our lives went on ... that didn't include 'us'. 


I don't feel that way about you.  I only wish good things for you as you go your way, live your life ... please leave my life alone.  I am not going to play games, argue back, forwards.  I'm just simply not.


Now ... I need to invent a game called 'Family Games' ... I promise it would be very interesting if based on my life.


As for writing material ... I will write about what I want to.  As for writing about the person who sent me the letter ... I want you to read this, understand that I don't hate you at all.  I don't mean anything 'bad' when I say I don't want you in my life ... I don't disrespect you ... I don't choose to 'war' with you and I definitely will not do that ... you won't win.  I am already the winner ... this war was fought long ago ... I'm still here.  Oh, I survived the accident, too.    


You only played a small role in my life when I was the little girl who was dumped out of the wagon ... onto the broken glass, gallon jar.  That was one of the first most painful memories in my life. You caused that ... I didn't know that until I was an older adult.  I don't hate you for that.  Doesn't matter ... the memory happened ... I wrote about it.  If it gets on my mind again ... I will write about it as I 'turn it around' in my mind to study it.


As for my jewelry ... I never thought you wanted my jewelry.  I don't know where that came from.  I understand you were complimenting it ... thank you.  Each piece has a special, heart-touching story behind it, and I treasure each one.  Thank you very much for liking it. 


I didn't understand when you made a comment about my ring ... that it was a compliment with the words you used ... I still don't understand ... but, I believe you when you said it was a compliment ... I have no other reason to believe otherwise.  Also, it's not important.  I don't try to find fault with you, the things you say.  I'm not perfect at all ... I made a mistake in misinterpreting your meaning.  I can only apologize, sincerely.


I received a letter from you ... the contents stayed on my mind last night when I went to bed.  I gently placed that letter into the trash can, knowing I would never answer it with a written letter.  


Sometimes, we instinctively know when something is a waste of time.  All we can do is to completely 'let go' for good when we see ... nothing can cement a bond with anyone we don't have a connection with.  It's all gone. Sad, but true.  There would never be a trust of each to know one wouldn't hurt the other ... no matter they wouldn't ... but, we wouldn't know that.


I don't want to get to know anyone at this late day, time of my life that is related to me.  There aren't any true connections ... neither of us can help that ... it just is naturally so.  Sadly, when it's been tried ... it gets off to a wonderful beginning ... only to end in a not good way.  I'm just not going to get in that position ever again.  Maybe it's my fault ... I might not know how to connect with people ... especially when I sense they aren't completely sincere.  I'll take the blame ... though, no one has to.  It doesn't matter.  It's just another thing about me ... I can't trust easily, especially if I 'sense something' not good about someone.


If that makes me a bad person, even knowing I'm a good person ... then, so be it.  I'll have to be a 'bad-good person'.  When I choose a war ... it will be for a good reason.  I won't choose useless, empty wars from long ago.  I choose my battles ... I won this war many years ago ... I survived, I grew up.  


I have to live in reality ... I can't live in the past.  Reality is too real for me to waste time on things in the past.  I can't do both ... I don't choose to.


I can only apologize in all sincerity that it is ... me, myself, I ... that can't form a 'family bond' ... it's me.  I can't form bonds that were never there to begin with ... I can't form bonds on memories as much as I wish I could.  It takes two people to fully connect, want it as much as the other, never looking back ... only going forward. I'm only one ... sadly, I don't want to do it anymore.


I'm at fault here ... too much water has passed under the dam ... it's gone so far away now ... I can't go find any of it.  Life today keeps me anchored right ... here.  I'm just so sorry because I admire families who love each other, who are close-knit.  


God knows I've wished for that all my life.  I've accepted I don't, won't have family ... I'm okay with it.  It seems it bothers others ... when it shouldn't.  All these many years I was no one to them ... I only thought of them once in a while ... that was the extent of being related.  We were in no way ever a part of each other's life than I've been a part of a stranger's life.  It just never was.


I don't understand why? it causes anger, accusations ... mean words when I'm staying in my life ... on my side of the line ... when you are clearing crossing the line coming out of your life ... to touch mine.  


I've told you ... I don't want contact ... I don't want you to be in my life ... I don't want to be in yours.  Doesn't mean it's a bad thing at all.  It's pure respect, love, caring ... not wanting to ever be in a position to cause pain ... because that's surely to happen in anyone who is 'family ... our family' ... no one stays close, loyal very long.  


Nothing is permanent ... it never lasts.  I choose to never begin such a relationship ... I've tested the waters ... those damned piranhas bit my feet every damn time!  I'm tired of ... hurting, bleeding.  Now, that my feet have healed ... I've learned my lesson ... be damned if I'll ever let another piranha, nor a black widow spider ... bite my ass, or feet again.  I'll say it again ....


I choose my battles ... I won this war many years ago ... I survived, grew up.





Note by this Author:

This is written to one person in particular ... who will recognize all I've wrote.  I mean it in the nicest way ... for them to go on with their life ... it can't be.  It CAN NOT be.  We are too old now, to waste anymore time ... focus on your big family ... love, pull them close to you.  You are so fortunate to have so many to love you.  


I will focus on my husband, 2 Pups ... they are all I have in this world. I treasure them ... and will protect, care for them.  I don't need to bring grief, strife into my life ... I don't have time to fight wars that are just a waste of time ... I don't feel the need to hurt others ... or have them inflict pain on me, in my life.   


Stay out of my life ... don't write mean letters ... it won't change a thing.  The letter you wrote, I received two days ago ... caused me to do a lot of deep thinking ... hence ... you see above is what I sincerely think.  


I understand where you are coming from ... thank you for telling me the things you did ... I can see how you would think some of them.  How else could you think since ...  you don't know me?  I respect that ... I am guilty of thinking things about people I don't know .... won't ever know unless ... having a real chance of knowing them.  I mean ... what else would you think?


Some of the things only hurt because when as little children, we were close only for a short several years of our life.  I cried over you when you also ... were jerked out of my life when all of us children lived in Hell at Grandma Alma's and George's.  


I never saw you again, excepting the one time when Grandma Alma died. I didn't know you, then .... and never made a connection ... bond to you.  


I don't understand 'now' when we are old, gray ... what the difference is.  Let go now ... just let go.  I love you, I will love you always.


Photo/true story written, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.

















Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Just Because You Know Something ... Doesn't Mean ... You KNOW It

Just Because You Know Something ... Doesn't Mean ... You KNOW It
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter




'No Salt' ... Mrs. Dash





The Number '3' ... has happened once again in my life.  Three ... 3 ... when things happen for a 3rd time in my life ... I listen, I pay attention ... I know it's time to open my eyes.

In fact, I feel the impact all the way through my body ... yes, the number 3 ... is that important in my life.  You can ignore your significant numbers all you want to ... I learned not to.

Things are going to happen ... I'm either going to take a stand, fight ... or make a significant change in my life.  Something is going to happen ... one way or other ... when the number 3 happens in my life.

If I ignore it ... my ass will be sorry for doing so.  Simple as that.  Life is life ... it's just the way it is. Reality.  Nothing more ... nothing less.  It's time for a life-altering change ... life will never be the same again ... time to move on ... in with the new ... out with the old.

I've been made aware of things I knew ... thought I knew so well ... only to see them in a new life. You know the moment when something makes such an impression on you ... that you are shocked into ... awareness.

All of a sudden ... you see things in a new light ... your ass wakes up ... what you thought you knew ... you found out you didn't know a damn thing when compared to what you just became aware of.  You know ... that sort of thing.

Since January ... our life has been turned upside down.  Skip has come close to death ... 3 times.  I've been there all along ... observing, listening ... feeling all those emotions that comes with the fear that ... my loved one could ... just die.  Just die, go away forever ... in my case ... leaving me all alone without anyone to love me as he does.

Until the 3rd time Skip was admitted back to the hospital last week ... did these eyes of mine ... open. This is the 3rd time since January ... he has been gravely ill.

January ... he was admitted for stroke.  His heart rate kept dropping very low.  He had a pacemaker put in.  This was the first time he was hospitalized.

March ... the second time he was hospitalized ... Skip couldn't breathe ... shortness of breath.  He had congestive heart failure ... he almost drowned in his own fluids.  They did a heart catherization ... put 2 stents in.

When they pulled the sheath out of his thigh/artery ... Skip began bleeding really bad.  He went through quite an ordeal when the nurses began applying pressure for the next 20 minutes ... then put an appliance on him to keep holding pressure.

He was sent home where he progressively went downhill.  He never got better in the two days he was home ... he fell twice.  He was deathly sick.  He couldn't walk, couldn't sit up at all. I called 911 ... they got him to the hospital.

Skip had fluid buildup back around his heart ... congestive heart failure again.  He was coughing ... he also, had pneumonia.  Not only that ... his right kidney shut down.

They found out that he had a huge kidney stone that he could never pass even if his kidney was okay. They put a stent up in his ureter tube from his kidney to his bladder to hold it open, heal.  They won't take the stone out until his ureter heals up.  For now, he can pass urine until then.  The tube they put up in him is called a uretheral stent.

Skip bled badly after the ureteral stent.  The following morning when I got to the hospital ... Skip was in total distress.  He was holding a bloody sheet to him ... blood was on the floor ... all over the commode in his bathroom.  His bed sheets were bloody.  Can you imagine my horror when I walked in his hospital room?

I did become a little ugly ... though I tried to speak softly.  I was angry ... his room ... all the blood 'everywhere.  I began taking sheets off his bed, asked the N/A to please help get the blood off the bathroom floor, commode.  I told her that was the first time I ever saw his room like that ... we got the room cleaned up.

I can't imagine how family who has never worked in a hospital would react to what I saw when I entered that room.  They shouldn't see that, not only that ... it shouldn't have been like that.  That was the one, only time ... there was a gap in taking care of him.

The nurse came in, and I talked with her.  She gave Skip medicine for the pain ... he began to calm down.  It broke my Heart ... I really was mad ... I was trying to be so nice at the same time.  I know no matter how nice I tried to be as angry as I was ... they saw the ugliness I was feeling because they let my loved one suffer.  It was the first, only time ... during all his times at the hospital I ever saw that happen.  It did not happen again.

Now ... I'll tell you about why my eyes are opened after all these years of my living on this earth.  I have watched Skip going through all of this .... I have almost died myself in 2004 ... I went into congestive heart failure ...  they were ready to put me on the ventilator ... I came to.  My eyes never opened 'then' to ... what finally hit home during this last hospital stay for Skip.

When I listened to the cardiologist, urologist ... nurses ... watched Skip ... it hit home.  Diet plays a major role in one's life ... it's hard for people to connect living good with eating good.  Eating good is eating good foods that are salty, sweet ... spicy .... anything to make it taste better ... we love it ... we eat it in excess.

I'm just as guilty as the next person ... so, was Skip.  We love good food.  Skip loves his sweets ... I love salty, spicy food.  Our hearts can't take all that ... especially after congestive heart failure.  Not only that ... I learned that 'fried foods' can help contribute to problems in the kidneys.

Don't ask me how it happened ... when it happened ... which doctor, nurse ... did it.  It was a combination of all ... and during this past week watching, listening ... the next thing I knew is that I began to eat very little food ... and no salt whatsoever.  No sweets.  I woke up ... I heard for the first time ... became aware of how diet affects one's life ... living, dying.  Yes, I already knew ... but, I really didn't 'know' until now.

When Skip came home from the hospital ... we both began talking at the same time about ... diet. You know how it is when you and someone goes through a shocking, scary time ... when all is settled, you both begin to immediately discuss it.  This is what we did.  We decided ... from now on ... healthy eating.  Now we know why 'old people' ... begin to eat healthy at a late age!

It's because we think we know everything until one day ... we find out that just because we knew something ... didn't mean we really knew it. Just because you know something ... doesn't mean you KNOW it.



Note by this Author:

Photo/true story owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.



Thursday, March 24, 2016

Skip Can't Come Home Yet ... Bleeding, Pain



Skip still isn't well.  Can't come home today 3-24-2016




Somehow, I knew Skip wasn't feeling well this morning before I talked to him. We are that close ... soulmates. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.




When I got to the hospital this morning, Skip was in distress.  He has been bleeding from the surgery.  I began changing his gown, sheets ... called someone to help me.  His room had stayed neat, clean until this morning.


He is in such pain, was all day.  The nurse put him to bed to stay, gave him pain meds to help.  When I left ... Skip was going to sleep, finally calming down.  


I left because he would worry about me being there with him asleep not knowing I understand he needs to do exactly that.


I hoped he would come home but, thankfully ... he's not coming home too early this time.  


I am really worried about Skip.  He's been ill a long time and normally he bounces back.  We both do because we know the other is all we have.  


Goodnight everyone.  I wanted to update everyone at one time.  I'm a little stressed.  I want in the morning to come ... so, I can go again to the hospital, see good signs.


Strange ... I knew this morning before I called him to let him know I was in the hospital parking lot ... that he wasn't feeling well at all.  



Note by this Author:

Photo/story owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.


Skip Comes Home Today ... 3-24-2016






Skip didn't come home like I thought ... yesterday evening.  I'm glad he didn't.  He needed to be observed.  He was bleeding a lot after the procedure was done.  

My Husband, Skip ... <3






My whole world comes back together under one roof ... today. Skip's coming home from the hospital! <3 Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.




Skip's right kidney had quit functioning like weeks ago.  That is why Skip had severe pain in his side.  With all going on with him ... the other was priority.  He went into congestive heart failure last week ... he's had 2 stents placed in his heart.  



When they did the heart catherization ... he began bleeding once the sheath was taken from his thigh ... the ungodly pressure they have to use to stop the bleeding ... oh my!



On top of all this, he has pneumonia.  He coughs a lot.  He suffered a stroke in January ... a pacemaker was put in him.  Skip has been a very sick man ... the cardiologist, urologist both ... said they didn't see how he was still here.  Three times, Skip has been on Death's doorstep.



The dye used in the CT scan blocked the kidney blockage the first time.  The urologist said that was unfortunate.  The second CT scan showed where his kidney was completely blocked.  It has been for weeks!  Thus, the pain in Skip's right side.



In 10 days ... they will go up to remove the huge kidney stone.  There's no way Skip can pass it.  The urologist told me that the damage could be reversible after all this.



So ... today ... Skip comes home!  I welcome him with open arms ... The Pups welcome him with ... open, soft paws!  We want our most-loved one ... home!



You all have been here through all of this.  I can tell you all thank you ... they are the only words I have in my vocabulary to tell you ... but ... you can be sure I mean so much more than even I can express.


Skip comes home today!  3-24-2016






Note by this Author:  All photos/story owned, written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.